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psycho
psycho Notandi frá fornöld 44 ára karlmaður
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The Pitch (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
There once were two best friends named Bob and Earl. They were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives revolved around baseball. Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they examined every box score during the season. They went to over 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching a Yankee victory...

Tee Time In Hell (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
There was this basically-good man who died and appeared before St. Peter at the Holy Gates. St. Peter checks out his books and discovers that there is a problem. He says that there is no clear answer in the books on where the man is supposed to go, Heaven or Hell. He suggests that the man go to Hell and check it out, so that he may make the decision himself. If he didn't like what he saw there, he could come back to Heaven. Well, this man had only one true vice while he was alive. It seems...

Take The Bait (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was...

Getting Squirrely (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
A man wanted to go hunting, but he couldn't find anyone to go with him. As a last resort, he asked the town drunk to tag along. The next morning, the drunk was ready and waiting, with a fifth of whiskey. When they got to the woods the old drunk took a seat under a large oak tree. The other man went off to his stand, and told the drunk to make as little noise as possible. A few hours had passed, so the man went back to check on the drunk. As he got closer, he could hear terrifying screams...

Sports Shorts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant Marlin that was larger and heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a buddy who had maybe a dozen or so Rockfish. The buddy eyed the Marlin and said, “Only caught the one, huh?” ——————————————————————————– My one neighbor Van is a true sport fisherman. He said once he caught a Great White Shark. Never having seen it on display in his home, I asked what happened to it. He sighed and replied, “Well, it was too small to keep,...

Sports Shorts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
Did you hear Dale Earnhardt was arrested for drugs? They found everything but speed on him. Did you see where that lady that won the 20 million dollar lawsuit for the Mcdonalds coffee being too hot, is suing Walmart? Apparently she bought an Ernie Irvin Shirt and hit the wall 10 times before she left the store. Do you know the toughest golf foursome to play behind? Monica Lewinski, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy, and Bill Clinton. Why? Monica is a hooker, OJ is a slicer, Kennedy can't drive over...

Sports Shorts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake.” The caddy looks back at him and says, “I don't think you could keep your head down that long.”...

Sports Shorts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: “Dressing Room, Umpires Only.” As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message … written in Braille....

The Scotsman At The Baseball Game (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
A recent Scottish immigrant to the U.S. attended his first baseball game. After a base hit, he heard the fans roaring, “Run…run!” The next batter connected heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stood up and roared with the crowd in his thick accent, “R-r-r-un yah bahstard. R-r-run!” A third batter slammed a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screamed, “R-r-r-un ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya.” The next batter's count went to three and two. As the...

Safe Haven (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
A boy is taken from his home because of physical abuse. After being in the orphanage for a few weeks, he tells a social worker that he wants to leave. The social worker asks him, “Well, do you want to go back and live with your father again?” “No,” replies the boy. “He beats me.” The social worker says, “Do you want to live with your mother?” The boy says, “No, she beats me too.” “Well, then,” asks the social worker, “Who do you want to live with?” The boy answers, “The New Orleans Saints.”...

Changes In A Government Run By Pro Wrestlers (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
* Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster. * President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera. * IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema. * Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners - Hey, wait a minute… * Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the...

Post Season Madness (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
A man walked into an Oakland bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog was wearing an Oakland Raiders jersey and helmet, and was festooned with Raiders pom-poms. The bartender said, “Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!” The guy begged him, “Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!” After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if...

A Poke (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
Dale Earnhart, Mark Martin and Gordon are all on a fishing trip. After a few hours and no bites, Dale jumps into the shallow water unzips and waves his jiggly worm around. Pow! A huge bass hits it and he walks to the bank, pokes it in the eye to make it release from his manhood, and holds up a 55 pound Bass. Mark takes a look and jumps in the water and waves his peter around in the water. Bam, another Bass! He walks to the shore and pokes the fish in the eye and picks up a 70 pound Bass. A...

Playing Through (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. “Please dear, I need help!” she said. The husband ran off saying, “I'll go get some help.” A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green. His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, “I'm may be dying and you're putting?!?” “Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and help.” “The second hole? When in the hell...

The Perfect Shot (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed… driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!” The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.” “Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from...

Par For The Course (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
A couple was on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin.” The husband replies, “That's no big thing in this day and age.” The wife continues, “Yeah, I've been with one other guy.” “Oh yeah? Who was the guy?” “Arnold Palmer.” “Arnold Palmer the golfer?” “Yeah.” “Well, he's rich famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.” The husband and wife then make...

The Old Golfer (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But,...

Oh-Lady-Hoo (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
Three hunters decided if they got separated or lost, they would use the yodeling cry “oh-lady-hoo” to help locate each other. One hunter got lost and yelled “oh-lady-hoo” until he was hoarse but to no avail. When it began to get dark, he gave up trying to find his friends, saw light at a nearby farmhouse, knocked on the front door and asked the farmer if he could stay the night. “No problem,” he said, “I've got a spare room you're welcome to use.” Toward morning, the hunter was awakened by...

The Deaf Mute Golfer (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
From Sandee A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, “I am a deaf mute. May I play through, please?” The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that “No, he may NOT play through, and that his handicap did not give him such a right.” The first man whacked the ball onto the green and left to finish the hole. Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball,...

Mother Nature (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
There were these two best friends out playing golf one beautiful day. After hitting their tee shots, both noticed that neither was even close to the fairway. One friend hit it way left, the other way right. They decided that since the shots were so bad, they'd just meet up at the hole. So the first guy went off and looked and looked and finally found his ball sitting down deep in a field of beautiful Buttercups. He promptly pulled out his 7 iron and started whacking away. Buttercups were...

The Laws Of Golfing (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven...

Why Hockey Is Better Than Sex (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
It's legal to play hockey professionally. The puck is always hard. Protective equipment is reusable and you don't even have to wash it. It lasts a full hour. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds. Your parents cheer when you score. A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon. Periods only last 20 minutes. You can count on it at least twice a week. You can tell the media about it afterwards....

vikulegur brandari (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
hérna byrtist einn brandari í hverri viku á íslensku :) http://www.mmedia.is/~gaui/vikur.htm<br><br><b>****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001</b> líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér <u><b>HATE MAIL</u></b> <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

Jónas og Magga 282 (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
Maður nokkur kom til læknis illa krambúleraður með 5-járn vafið um hálsinn. Læknirinn gerði að sárum hans og á meðan hann sagaði kylfuna burt spurði hann manninn hvað hefði komið fyrir. “Jú, sko, við vorum að spila golf, konan mín og ég, og á 3. braut týndist kúlan hennar. Við leituðum um allt en hún fannst hvergi. Þá sá ég belju, sem lá og jórtraði, svo mér datt í hug að lyfta halanum á henni, og viti menn: þar var kúla sem mér sýndist vera kúla konu minnar, svo ég kallaði: ‘Sjáðu, ástin...

Jónas og Magga 281 (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum
Þegar Jónas var kominn á efri ár ætlaði hann að gifta sig í annað sinn. Hann hafði áhyggjur af því að þetta gæti gert honum einhvern miska, og því fór hann til læknis síns og spurði hann ráða. “Hvað ertu orðinn gamall, Jónas minn?” spurði læknirinn. “65 ára,” segir hann. “Hvaða ráðleggingar geturðu gefið mér,læknir?” “Eina heilræðið sem ég get gefið þér,” sagði læknirinn, “er að fá inn leigjanda.” Með það fór Jónas aftur heim. Fimm mánuðum seinna hittast þeir aftur, Jónas og læknirinn. “Sæll...
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