Hugi.is - Notendur

In The Rough (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Stan and Norm are out for a round of golf when Stan hits his ball into the rough. As they are looking for the ball, Stan spots a beautiful blonde using a bush for a restroom. He grabs Norm and they both hide behind a tree while they have a look. “This is incredible. A beautiful woman like that actually relieving herself in the woods.” says Stan. “Yeah,” says Norm “And I bet she won't even wipe her behind when she's finished.” Stan is aghast. “No way! A beautiful woman like that would never...

Women Fish? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, “Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?” “Reading my...

Improved Rules For Gold (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

These rules of golf are for good players whose scores would reflect their true ability, if only they got an even break once in awhile. They were adapted from those proposed by the Union Printers Golf Club in Baltimore and have some appealing provisions: 1. A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled in the rough. Such veering right or left frequently results from friction between the face of the club...

Adopt By the Florida Marlins (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, “Would you like to live with your mother?” “No.” said the boy. “Why not?” said the judge. “Because she beats me.” The judge says “Okay, then you'll go live with your father.” “Oh No,” cried the boy, “He beats me too.” Dumbfounded, the judge asks “Okay who do you want to live with?” “I want...

Employee Sport Preferences (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences. 1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling. 3. The sport of choice for front line workers is: Football. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis. 6. The sport of choice for corporate...

Caps (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted...

Who Is? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

In Texas, coach Barry Switzer is upset on how the Cowboys played after the season. They were not a good football team. He did not know what the secret was to have a good team, so he goes to California where he finds coach Steve Mariucci. He asks Mariucci “What is the secret to having a good football team?” Steve calls quarterback Steve Young over. He asks Young “What is your father's brother's nephew?” Steve answers “That is me, of course.” Mariucci says “Barry, that is the secret to having...

Finger Hurts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Tiger Woods makes a great 220 yard drive. Unfortunately it missed the hole and smacked David Duval. So David is in intense pain holding himself when a nurse comes. The nurse asked David what's wrong. David points down (if you know what I mean) yelling, “It hurts so bad”. So the nurse asks, “Do you want me to rub it to make it feel better?” David says sure. So there the nurse is, making him feel so good, down there. David became relaxed. When the nurse finished, she said, “Does that fell...

Golf With The Pope (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

One day a man named Bob was playing a round of golf with the Pope. On the first hole,Bob hits the ball into a sand trap “Damn, I missed.” says Bob. The Pope says,“you shouldn't say that it is bad. Later on in the day on the ninth hole Bob hits the ball into the water. ”Damn, I missed.“ says Bob again. The Pope says, ”Don't say that, next time you do, God will strike you down with a lightning bolt.“ Close to the end of the day on the last hole, Bob hits it an inch short of the hole. ”Damn, I...

Who to Live With... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A boys parents are getting a divorce, and fighting about who the boy will live with. They go to court and the judge asks, “little boy do you want to live with your mom?” Boy: “No, she beats me.” Judge: “do you want to live with you dad?” Boy: “NO he beats me too.” Judge: “ Then who do you want to live with?” Boy: “ I want to live with the Redskins, they can't beat anybody.” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I...

Golfing With Wife (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that the strokes that it will take to get around the barn will destroy his score, he begins to rant and rave. His wife hating to see him ruin such a great afternoon makes a suggestion. “What if I were to hold open...

Three Cowboys (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Q. There were three dallas cowboys in a car, who was driving? A. THE COPS !!!! ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

Getting Into the Olympics (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Three guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, “Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in.” Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, “Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput.” He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant. The attendant says, “Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration...

Umpire in Japan (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Q:What is the head Umpire called in Japanese baseball? A:Empire:) ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

Yankee Fan (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection....

The World Series (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities – Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone over did it, more or less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to steady them. This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres was held...

Winston Cup (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Three surgeons were arguing about who was the best surgeon. The first said, “I reattached a severed arm on a man who went on to become one of the best pitchers in the Major League.” The second said, “I reattached a severed leg on a man who went on to become one of the best place kickers in the NFL.” The third surgeon could not be out done. He said, “I once stitched a mustache to an asshole and he went on to become a seven time Winston Cup Champion!”...

Winners On Display (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A NASCAR fan died and went to heaven. Upon entering, this person noticed pro driver Alan Kulwicki's race car, and asked St. Peter about it. St. Peter said Alan was in heaven and his car was on display. Walking a little further, the man sees Davey Allison's car. Once again he inquired to St. Peter about it. “Davey Allison is also in heaven. In fact, God's a BIG NASCAR fan, so when drivers die, their race cars get put on display.” Walking further, the individual came upon Dale Earnhardt's car...

Wide Stance (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it. “What happened?” asked the doctor. “I got stung between the first and second hole,” replied the lady golfer. The doctor replied, “You must have an awfully wide stance!” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a...

Which Hole? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, “I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the...

Watching The Game (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are peeling and flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing out the other fans. The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his grotesque appearance won't disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there. The man answers,...

War Zone (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Al Davis had finally put together the perfect Oakland Raiders team for ‘98. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn’t find a quarterback that would ensure a SuperBowl win. Then one night, watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 200...

Definitely Too Much Sun (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It's not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It's not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It's not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?” “Ten years!” he says. She reaches over and unzips a...

Mike Tyson (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

One night after the big fight Mike Tyson was a bit depressed so he decided to get a prostitute to cheer him up. After the act, they were laying in bed having a smoke. The prostitute said, “Well Mike, how's it all going?” “How's it all going?” he asked. “My life's a disaster. I was born to an under-privileged family, had a hard up-bringing, was thrown in jail for rape, now I'm on parole and I've hit a cop, my wife left me for beating her up, I have to pay maintenance for my kids, I've lost...

Three Shots (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something. The first redneck says to the other, “If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.” After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo. The next morning,...

Notendur

In The Rough (0 álit)

Women Fish? (0 álit)

Improved Rules For Gold (0 álit)

Adopt By the Florida Marlins (0 álit)

Employee Sport Preferences (0 álit)

Caps (0 álit)

Who Is? (0 álit)

Finger Hurts (0 álit)

Golf With The Pope (0 álit)

Who to Live With... (0 álit)

Golfing With Wife (0 álit)

Three Cowboys (0 álit)

Getting Into the Olympics (0 álit)

Umpire in Japan (0 álit)

Yankee Fan (0 álit)

The World Series (0 álit)

Winston Cup (0 álit)

Winners On Display (0 álit)

Wide Stance (0 álit)

Which Hole? (0 álit)

Watching The Game (0 álit)

War Zone (0 álit)

Definitely Too Much Sun (0 álit)

Mike Tyson (0 álit)

Three Shots (0 álit)

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