Hugi.is - Notendur

Just Married Football Coach (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Did you hear about the football coach that got married? He thought he was getting a tight end, but wound up with a wide receiver! ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“...

Dead Duck (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Three men go duck hunting one day. Two of them are inundated with stories from the third about his “great” duck hunting abilities. After a few hours the first two men have bagged a couple of ducks each, but the braggart hasn't taken a shot. They question him on this, so he agrees to show his shooting abilities at the next opportunity. A few moments later, one lone duck comes flying by. As promised, the braggart stands up and squeezes off one shot. The duck keeps flying! “Gentlemen, you have...

Class (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?” A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?” ****************************************************************************************** I...

Olympic Ice Skating (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

It is the Olympic men's figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music. The Judges' scores read: Britain 5.8: Russia 5.9: United States 5.5: Ireland 6.0 Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He...

Bad Slice (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Joe, a notoriously bad golfer, hits his ball off the first tee and watches as it slices to the right and disappears through an open window. Figuring that's the end of it, he gets another ball out of his bag and plays on. On the eighth hole, a police officer walks up to Joe on the course and says, “Did you hit a golf ball through a window back there?” Joe says, “Yes I did.” “Well,” says the police officer, “it knocked a lamp over, scaring the dog, which raced out of the house onto the...

halló er eitthver þarna (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

hvernig er það eru ekki allir hættir að nenna að lesa svona marga brandara ? ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

Lessons (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A foursome was waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies were hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies were taking their time and when finally the last one was ready to hit the ball she hacked it about 10 feet, went over to it, hacked it another ten feet, looked up at the men waiting and said apologetically, “I guess all those f****g lessons I took this winter didn't help” One of the men immediately replied, “No, you see there is your problem. You should have been taking golf...

Back Up (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. “Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!” I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, “Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee.” I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: “Would...

Christ Returns to the NBA (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

NOTE: If you are easily offended by jokes related to Jesus, PLEASE do not read the joke below. ———————– After a two-year hiatus from basketball, Jesus Christ returned to the NBA last night, playing with his former team, the Atlanta Hawks. Christ, who quit the sport in May 1994 to focus on spreading His message of universal love and compassion, made His triumphant return last night against the Bulls, just in time for Easter Sunday. The return of Christ, who averaged 18.2 points and 7.3...

Fast Turtle (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender asks the man, “What's wrong with your turtle?” “Nothing,” the man responds, “This turtle is very fast. Take your dog and let him stand at the end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be...

Play Better Golf (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, “I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course.” “Try heaven,” said the caddy. “You've already moved most of the Earth.” ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a...

New Caddy (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

“How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack's wife Tracy. “Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went.” “But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “Why don't you take my brother Scott along?” “But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore,” protested Jack. “But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,” Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball...

Birthday Gift (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started. They suggested I keep an “exercise diary” to chart...

Jerks Get The Good Girls? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. “I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.” His wife replies, “Why thank you, dear!”...

Football Tryouts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, and knocked it completely over. “Wow,” said the coach. “I'm impressed. Can you run?” “Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, ran a hundred yard dash. “Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?” The freshman hesitated for a few seconds....

Football Broadcast Lines That Sound Dirty (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it. 19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind. 18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow. 17. It's a game of inches. 16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it. 15. When you get down in this area, you gotta just start pounding it. 14. He's gonna feel that one tommorow. 13. He found his tight end. 12. End around 11. He had to stretch to get it in. 10. He gets penetration into the backfield. 9. He blows...

Wanna Ice Fish? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

There were two old boys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We're going to need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We're going to need another dozen ice picks.” Well, the...

Real Hunting (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. “Where's Henry?” “Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail.” “You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?” “A tough call,” nodded the hunter “but I figured no one is going to steal Henry.”...

New Golfer (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.” The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. “Now what?” the fellow asked the speechless pro. After he was able to speak again the...

Bad Golfer VS Bad Skydiver (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky-diver? A bad golfer goes WHACK! “Dang it!” A bad sky-diver goes “Dang it!” WHACK! ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a...

Blind Man Skydiving? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses, carrying a white cane and holding a seeing-eye dog by a extremely long leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then, curious, he asked, “How do you know when the ground is getting close?”...

Tough Golf Shot (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, “What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!” The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.” “Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!”...

Golf Miracles (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

There were three golfers. One golfer hit the ball and it went in the water. He walked over to the edge and stuck his golf club into the water. The water parted and the golfer hit his ball onto the green. The second golfer hit his ball. It also splashed into the water. The golfer walked onto the water, found his the ball, placed it next to the water hazard and hit it onto the green. As you no doubt guessed, the first golfer was Moses, and the second golfer was Jesus. The third teed off. The...

Silver Arrow (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having...

Teaching the Wife Golf (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

“Where am I? How did I get here? Why does my head hurt?” “You're in a hospital, sir. I'm with the police. We weren't sure you were going to wake up. You had a golf club wrapped around your neck. Just tell us everything you remember.” “Well, I was teaching my wife golf and of course, I won every hole. But on the little par 3, 17th hole, we both hit right to the green, and we both putted right to the pin. When I walked to the flag, I saw one putt had overshot, but the other ball had apparently...

Notendur

Just Married Football Coach (0 álit)

Dead Duck (0 álit)

Class (0 álit)

Olympic Ice Skating (0 álit)

Bad Slice (0 álit)

halló er eitthver þarna (2 álit)

Lessons (0 álit)

Back Up (0 álit)

Christ Returns to the NBA (0 álit)

Fast Turtle (0 álit)

Play Better Golf (0 álit)

New Caddy (0 álit)

Birthday Gift (0 álit)

Jerks Get The Good Girls? (0 álit)

Football Tryouts (0 álit)

Football Broadcast Lines That Sound Dirty (0 álit)

Wanna Ice Fish? (0 álit)

Real Hunting (0 álit)

New Golfer (0 álit)

Bad Golfer VS Bad Skydiver (0 álit)

Blind Man Skydiving? (0 álit)

Tough Golf Shot (0 álit)

Golf Miracles (0 álit)

Silver Arrow (0 álit)

Teaching the Wife Golf (0 álit)

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