Hugi.is - Notendur

dumb blond on a computer (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

how do you no a blond has bin on your computer theres white out on the screen and cheese next to the mouse! ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

Fruity Cannibals (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruit. The first one came back and said to the king, “ I brought ten apples. The king then explained the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll...

I KNOW!!!! (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

It was a last week of school and all Kelvin wanted to do was leave. The teacher said whoever answers a question I give them can leave. She asked who stated “ Four Score and Seven years ago” befor Kelvin could say it Kelly yelled Abe Lincoln. Kelly left. Then the teacher gave another question. Who said “ I have a dream” before Kelvin could answer Monica yelled out Martin Luther King jr. She left. The teacher asked one more question. Who said “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what...

A REAL TRUE STORY (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Superman was flying around one day just checking out the city when something on a highrise caught his eye. He looked and got an instant hard on seeing wonder woman laying on a towel naked as a newborn. She was laying there, eyes closed, legs spread and that cunt was opening and closing. Superman was sooooo turned on and he thought about it. “Well I am faster than a speeding bullet, I could just fly down there, tag it real quick and bust a nut and be gone before she knows what happened. So as...

Dating Vs Marriage (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue. When you are married ….You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times. When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time. When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to drink?” When you are dating….. He holds your hand in public. When you are married ….He flicks your ear in public. When you are dating….. A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad. When you are married ….A King size bed...

Arguing with Women (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

-There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

You MIGHT be a redneck if..... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

* Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. * You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. * You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. * You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut. * You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard. * Your mother comes outta the bathroom and says, “Y'all come look at this before I flush it!” * You mow your lawn and find a car. * If going to...

Redneck Logic (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic. “What's logic?” the first redneck asks. The professor answers by saying, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weedeater?” “I sure do.” “Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the professor. “That's real good!” says the redneck. The professor continues, “Logic will...

Where The Ducks From (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to “enforce the laws pending.” He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, “Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?” The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, “This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?” The hunter...

What's Your Name? (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What's your name?” he asked the new guy. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look… I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only … Smith, Jones, Baker … That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr....

Types Of Men You Might See In The Mens Room (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

* EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. * SOCIABLE: Joins friends in a piss whether he has to or not. * CROSS-EYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. * TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. * INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink. * CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. * WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. * FRIVOLOUS:...

Probability and Reality (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

This boy went to his father to ask the difference between probability and reality. His dad told him to ask his mother: If someone gave her a million dollars to sleep with Robert Redford, would she do it? Then he told her to ask his sister: If someone gave her a million dollars to sleep with Brad Pitt, would she do that? “Then,” said the father, “come back and tell me what they said.” The boy scratched his head and went off to do as he was told, not understanding what that had to do with his...

The Loud Wife (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man is speeding down the freeway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over. “Do you realize you were doing 80 m.p.h. in a 60 m.p.h. zone, sir?” asks the policeman. “That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit,” replies the driver. The driver's wife butts in and says, “Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down.” The policeman says, “I also noticed, sir, that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You put it on as I was walking over to your car.” That is...

SLLLLLLLUUUT2!! (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

yo mama´s like a vacumecleaner, she sucks,blows, and gets laid in the closet. ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

Haunted (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Yo momma so ugly, she went to the Haunted House, and came out with a paycheck ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér HATE MAIL <a href=”http://pub.alxnet.com/guestbook?id=2197398“ target=”_blank">hérna</a

A Redneck Honeymoon (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A redneck couple was in bed on their wedding night and were about to consummate their marriage. The wife stops the husband, saying, “Be gentle. I'm still a virgin.” The man is astounded. He has never been with a virgin before. He decides to call his father for advice. “Dad,” says the newly-married young man. “My new wife is a virgin! What do I do?” “Better come on home, son,” replies his father. “If she ain't good enough for her own family, she sure ain't good enough for ours.”...

Redneck Dictionary (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

HEIDI - noun. Greeting. HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: “Heidi, hire yew?” BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.” Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.” MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and I ain't herd from him in munts.” THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: “Ah thank ah'll have a bare.” BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: “Ah thank...

You might be a REDNECK if..... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

* You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim. * Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop. * You list tick removal as a skill on your resume. * You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf. * You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother. * You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm. * Your nicest towels say, “Property of Motel 6”. * You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks. * The photo on...

You might be a Redneck if.. (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

* You've been too drunk to fish. * You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures. * You ever used a weedeater indoors. * You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run). * You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right' * You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge. * Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack. * Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle. * You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer...

Picnic Basket (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head. Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance. Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across...

Cat Heaven (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let me know.” The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.” The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears. A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic...

Clarence The Parrot (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: “Jesus is watching you!” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: “Was...

A Horse And A Chicken (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to find the farmer, but the farmer can't be found. So the chicken drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to the horse and drives forward saving him from sinking! A few days later the chicken and horse were playing...

Milking It (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line, the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. He said, “Those hives are pretty close to the road.” The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone. The buyer felt unsure about the sale until he proposed that he be tied to a nearby tree, naked, overnight. If he was stung once he would get the farm for free, but if he wasn't stung then he would pay the farmer...

The Blonde and the Lottery (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A blonde finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust, and she's so desperate she decides to pray for help. She goes into the temple and prays, “O Lord, please help me: I've lost my business, and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto, Lord.” Well, lotto night rolls around, but somebody else wins the prize for that night. The blonde goes back to the temple and prays, “O God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business,...

Notendur

dumb blond on a computer (0 álit)

Fruity Cannibals (0 álit)

I KNOW!!!! (0 álit)

A REAL TRUE STORY (0 álit)

Dating Vs Marriage (0 álit)

Arguing with Women (0 álit)

You MIGHT be a redneck if..... (0 álit)

Redneck Logic (0 álit)

Where The Ducks From (0 álit)

What's Your Name? (0 álit)

Types Of Men You Might See In The Mens Room (0 álit)

Probability and Reality (0 álit)

The Loud Wife (0 álit)

SLLLLLLLUUUT2!! (0 álit)

Haunted (0 álit)

A Redneck Honeymoon (0 álit)

Redneck Dictionary (0 álit)

You might be a REDNECK if..... (0 álit)

You might be a Redneck if.. (0 álit)

Picnic Basket (0 álit)

Cat Heaven (0 álit)

Clarence The Parrot (0 álit)

A Horse And A Chicken (0 álit)

Milking It (0 álit)

The Blonde and the Lottery (0 álit)

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