Hugi.is - Notendur

Gosabrandarar (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Hvað sagði álfkonan þegar hún sast á andlitið á gosa? Ljúgðu gosi, ljúgðu!! ****************************************************************************************** Ég er dæmdur til lífs eftir dauða. -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank">hér</a

Ljóskubrandari (enska) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and...

Gæsaskytterí (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Jónas tók Guðmund vin sinn á gæsaskytterí. Guðmundur hafði aldrei farið á skotveiðar áður, svo Jónas var að reyna að ganga svolítið í augun á honum. „Hey, sástu þennan?“ spurði Jónas allt í einu þar sem þeir gengu varlega í áttina að túninu þar sem gæsirnar biðu. „Nei, hvað?“ spurði Guðmundur „Það flaug örn hérna rétt yfir okkur,“ sagði Jónas. „Vá!“ sagði Guðmundur Nokkrum mínútum seinna sagði Jónas „Sástu þessa?“ „Hvað?“ spurði Guðmundur. „Ertu blindur?“ sagði Jónas. „Það röltu tveir refir...

Disbelief (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling? “I've never felt better,” he replies. “I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidently grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near...

You Probably Flunked Sex Education If You Think... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

* A clitoris is a type of flower. * A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. * “Spread eagle” is an extinct bird. * Vagina is a medical term used to describe a heart attack. * A menstrual cycle has three wheels. * A G-string is part of a fiddle. * Semen is a term for sailors. * Anus is a Latin term for sailors. * Testicles are found on an octopus. * Asphalt describes rectal problems. * KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. * Masturbate is a lure used to catch large fish. * Coitus is a musical...

Gifts (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid. “Now what about the butler?” the rich woman said. “A set of wine glasses?” the maid suggested. The woman frowned icily. “He doesn't really need that. A butler never entertains. He'll get a tie.” The maid grimaced, but said only, “What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?” The woman frowned again. “She doesn't really need a new dress. She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron.” The...

Hide And Seek (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

From Sandee Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and...

Is That All... (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and...

Choking (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone. Well, these two country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over, and the second country boy starts licking his butt. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The country boy pulls his...

Ways To Get Thrown Out Of Chemistry Lab (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

* Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others. * Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?” * Consistently write three atoms of potassium as ‘KKK.’ * Mutter repeatedly, “Not again… not again… not again.” * When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, “My eyes!” * Deny the existence of chemicals. * Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it. * Casually walk to...

Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

* It's an incentive to show up. * It reduces stress. * Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as “gross.” * It leads to more honest communications. * It reduces complaints about low pay. * It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. * Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. * It helps save on heating costs in the winter. * It encourages carpooling. * Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. *...

An Answer For Everything (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a lovely young thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her and said, “Honey, before you leave, please let me explain.” The wife stopped to listen. He continued, “I was driving along the highway, and I saw this young girl looking very tired and bedraggled, so I offered her a lift. She was also hungry, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast...

Advice From Former Presidents (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Clinton, distraught and contemplating his latest scandal was walking through Washington looking for any kind of guidance. He walks up to the Washington Monument, looks up and says, “George, you were always wise, what should I do?” Low and behold, a voice comes down from above and says, “ABOLISH THE I.R.S. AND START OVER.” Clinton, amazed that he is talking to the past President thinks he'll try it again. He walks over to the Jefferson Memorial and utters the same request to Americas author...

2 For 1 (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle as hunting season was about to start. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill.” The man takes a look through the scope and starts laughing. “What's so funny?” asks the clerk. “I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the man replies. The clerk grabs the scope from the man...

State Of Tennessee Residency Application (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___...

Cubicle wisdom (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Cubicle Wisdom 1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. 2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent. 4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings – they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. 6. If at first you don't succeed - try management. 7. Never put off...

Dilbert's words of wisdom (enska) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Dilberts Words of Wisdom 1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 4. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again. 5. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to...

Swimming Head (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they're all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down...

Employee Performance Evaluation (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Employee Name _______________ Date of Review __________________ KNOWLEDGE: 1.____ The son of a bitch really knows his shit 2.____ Knows only enough to be dangerous 3.____ Only half a brain and is dangerous 4.____ Brain damaged. His coffee cup has higher I.Q. ACCURACY: 1.____ Does excellent work is not preoccupied with women 2.____ Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out his ass 3.____ Has to take his shoes off to count higher than ten 4.____ Couldn't count his balls and get the same...

Interview (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the service?” asked the interviewer. “Yes, I was a marine,” responded the applicant. “Did you see any active duty?” “I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.” “May I ask what happened?” “Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.” “You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am.” The man asked, “When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability.”...

Home Repairs (enska) (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

This woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more. He would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, “Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?” Her husband snarled, “What do I look like? The Tidy-Bowl man?” and sat down on the sofa....

Golf Miracles (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

There were three golfers. One golfer hit the ball and it went in the water. He walked over to the edge and stuck his golf club into the water. The water parted and the golfer hit his ball onto the green. The second golfer hit his ball. It also splashed into the water. The golfer walked onto the water, found his the ball, placed it next to the water hazard and hit it onto the green. As you no doubt guessed, the first golfer was Moses, and the second golfer was Jesus. The third teed off. The...

djöfunsin anskoti (17 álit)

í Vefsíðugerð fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

djöfull þoli ég ekki fólk sem að er að setja varnir gegn því að fólk sé að taka eitthvað af síðunum hjá þeim. ég hata þegar fólk gerir þetta. p.s. takið þið eins mikið og þið viljið af síðunni hjá mér það er bara betra ef þið dreifið þessu eins mikið og þið getirð um netið. en skellið ykkur allavegna á síðuna mína og skoðið (kasmir drasl reyndar) ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t...

Nýtt jaðar sport !!! (19 álit)

í Jaðarsport fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Ég var að komast að því að það er til jaðarsport sem að fáir vita að sé jaðarsport… … það er að elta uppi þjófa. já ég er ekki neitt að grínast með þetta. Þetta er líklega ódýrasta adrenalín kikk sem að ég hef fengið. ég hef oftar en einusinni lent í því að elta uppi þjófa úr versluninni sem að ég er að vinna í. oftast náð þeim *mont* En adrenalínkikkið sem að ég fæ við það að elta þá uppi er ekki neitt lítið. enþá meira þegar þeir stoppa og fara að hóta þér t.d. með röri eins og fíflið sem...

sorglegt (0 álit)

í Hjól fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

það er soglegt að eftir allan þennann tíma sem að þetta áhugamál er búið að vera hérna þá sé ekki búið að senda inn nema eina grein. og það var ég sem sendi hana inn. er það kanski ég sem er svona sorglegur? ****************************************************************************************** I do what I do, I am who I am, if you don´t like it……PISS OFF -psycho 2001 líttu á heima síðuna mína <a href="http://kasmir.hugi.is/psycho“ target=”_blank“>hér</a> skrifaðu mér...

Notendur

Gosabrandarar (0 álit)

Ljóskubrandari (enska) (0 álit)

Gæsaskytterí (0 álit)

Disbelief (0 álit)

You Probably Flunked Sex Education If You Think... (0 álit)

Gifts (0 álit)

Hide And Seek (0 álit)

Is That All... (0 álit)

Choking (0 álit)

Ways To Get Thrown Out Of Chemistry Lab (0 álit)

Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work (0 álit)

An Answer For Everything (0 álit)

Advice From Former Presidents (0 álit)

2 For 1 (0 álit)

State Of Tennessee Residency Application (0 álit)

Cubicle wisdom (0 álit)

Dilbert's words of wisdom (enska) (0 álit)

Swimming Head (0 álit)

Employee Performance Evaluation (0 álit)

Interview (0 álit)

Home Repairs (enska) (1 álit)

Golf Miracles (1 álit)

djöfunsin anskoti (17 álit)

Nýtt jaðar sport !!! (19 álit)

sorglegt (0 álit)

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