There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, “You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!”

THE SETTING: A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man. Old Man: “Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..” Then the old man gestured at the bar. “Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard...

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says “I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes,they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man is thinking… “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady is thinkin… “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I...

Ég var að skemmta mér um daginn og var orðinn nokkuð seinn fyrir. Ég hafði nokkrar áhyggjur af því að lenda upp á kant við konuna við heimkomuna en klukkan var farin að halla í fimm. Einn sem var með mér sem skildi áhyggjur mínar og gaf góð ráð: Þegar þú kemur heim, skaltu læðast um sem köttur. Háttaðu frammi í stofu og laumast síðan í rúmið. Ef konan rumskar, læddu þér þá á milli fóta hennar og gefðu henni bestu munngælur sem þú kannt. Ég framfylgdi leiðbeiningunum út í ystu æsar. Konan...

These three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally get through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who takes them to a small room with a one way mirror in it looking into another room. They bring the first guy's wife into that room and leave her there. The instructor then loads two rounds into a pistol, hands it to the first man and says “Go kill your wife of five years.” The trainee takes the...

This guy is visiting his girlfriend who is in a coma in hospital. The doctor watches as he tickles the underside of her foot. Her vital signs show a bit of a reaction, so the doc asks him to try touching her behind her knee. The monitors register even more of a reaction. The doc is intrigued, so suggests feeling her thighs. Even more of a reaction! So the doc whispers “I'll pop out for a minute - why don't you try a bit of oral sex - see how she reacts” So the doc comes back in 5 minutes…...