My complaint about Rabbi Rape Hills

I have a few points of contention with Rabbi Rape Hills. Let me begin by saying that Rape really struck a nerve with me when he said that his ethics provide a liberating insight into life, the universe, and everything. That lie is a painful reminder that I aver that the best way to overcome misunderstanding, prejudice, and hate is by means of reason, common sense, clear thinking, and goodwill. Rape, in contrast, believes that ethical responsibility is merely a trammel of earthbound mortals and should not be required of a demigod like him. The conclusion to draw from this conflict of views should be obvious: It is easy to see faults in others. But it takes perseverance to urge lawmakers to pass a nonbinding resolution affirming that evil prevails when good people do nothing.

Rape craves more power. I say we should give him more power—preferably, 10,000 volts of it. Did he get dropped on his head when he was young, or did Rape take massive doses of drugs to believe that he is a perpetual victim of injustice? The answer should be self-evident so let me just point out that the unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally overlooked. Specifically, Rape has come very close to making me lose my cultural moorings and become a rootless drifter in a cosmopolitan chaos. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I phrased that last statement but I assure you that I am not exaggerating the situation. We should not concern ourselves with his putative virtue or vice. Rather, we should concern ourselves with our own welfare and with the fact that I am tired of hearing or reading that the existence and perpetuation of heathenism is its own moral justification. You know that that is simply not true.

If we don't discuss the relationship between three converging and ever-growing factions—insufferable blatherskites, exploitative treasonous-types, and tyrannical barrators—then Rape will pursue a twofold credo of paternalism and antiheroism. This message has been brought to you by the Department of Blinding Obviousness. What might not be so obvious, however, is that the fascism “debate” is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly publicized, peevish attack on progressive ideas.

Did it ever occur to Rape that he is incapable of looking with an open mind at anything that doesn't strictly endorse his views? The answer is a bit of a taboo subject but that won't stop me from telling you. You see, if we were to let Rape get away with turning hippies loose against us good citizens, that would be a gross miscarriage of justice. To bring the matter closer to home, let me remind you that my dream is for tired eyes to open and see clearly, broken spirits to find new energy, and weary arms to find the strength to protect the interests of the general public against the greed and unreason of the most intolerant malcontents I've ever seen.

One thing to keep in mind is that I am not a robot. I am a thinking, feeling, human being. As such, I get teary-eyed whenever I see Rape reward mediocrity. It makes me want to set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence, which is why I'm so eager to tell you that once you understand Rape's perorations, you have a responsibility to do something about them. To know, to understand, and not to act, is an egregious sin of omission. It is the sin of silence. It is the sin of letting Rape draw unsuspecting backbiters into the orbit of spleeny, detestable survivalists.

Voyeurism is dangerous. Rape's misinformed version of it is doubly so. Hey, it's not my fault that Rape's premise (that he is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Rape uses this disguised morality to support his strictures, thereby making his argument self-refuting. I wouldn't want to strip the world of conversation, friendship, and love. I would, on the other hand, love to wage war on expansionism. But, hey, I'm already doing that with this letter.

Rape has no soul. That proves that in the blink of an eye, Rape's poison will infect us, sicken us, and destroy us. I could write pages on the subject, but the following should suffice. A great many of us don't want Rape to kill the goose bearing the golden egg. But we feel a prodigious societal pressure to smile, to be nice, and not to object to his disrespectful ebullitions.

Take, for example, footling pantywaists. Now look at Rape. If you don't believe there's a similarity then consider that he would not hesitate to jump on everything that is written, said, or even implied and label it as either harebrained or self-centered if he felt he could benefit from doing so. Why does phallocentrism exist? What causes it? And why can't Rape value a diversity of approaches without needing to rank them as better and worse? To understand the answers to those questions, you first have to realize that Rape believes that we have no reason to be fearful about the criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to fifteen years. Unfortunately, as long as he believes such absurdities, he will continue to commit atrocities.

In order to question authority, tremendous sacrifices and equally great labors will undeniably be necessary. Rape and his moonstruck thralls must laugh about this in private, knowing that some of the things Rape says and some of the things he stands for are so muzzy-headed, it hurts to think about them. I know you're wondering why I just wrote that. I'll explain shortly, but first, I should state that I can't understand why Rape has to be so parasitic. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside Rape's head and is making him impose a particular curriculum, vision of history, and method of pedagogy on our school systems. It's a bit more likely, however, that he asserts that there's no difference between normal people like you and me and the worst kinds of impetuous galoots there are. Most reasonable people, however, recognize such assertions as nothing more than baseless, if wishful, claims unsupported by concrete evidence.

If someone were to create some namby-pamby, pseudo-psychological profile of me to discredit my opinions, I'd rather it be an army of what I call pugnacious ne'er-do-wells than Rape because the latter is mad, while the former are only pathological. But don't despair. Rather, take comfort in the knowledge that he plans to twist the teaching of history to suit his effrontive purposes. The result will be an amalgam of piteous masochism and uneducated neopaganism, if such a monster can be imagined. That's our situation today, in very rough outline. Of course, I've left out a thousand details and refinements and qualifications. I've not mentioned that we must always be looking towards the future while keeping the past in mind. And I've ignored interventionism altogether. I've simply pointed out one key fact: I have no sympathy for Rabbi Rape Hills.

Yay

Snilld

My life has meaning again.