<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.



<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet





<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS



<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken… that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was



<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word “wand” with “wang” in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results…

<JonJonB> “Why aren't you supposed to do magic?” asked Harry.
<JonJonB> “Oh, well – I was at Hogwarts meself but I – er – got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang… this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> ”Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter.“ It wasn't a question. ”You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work.“
<JonJonB> ”Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. “

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> ”Oh, move over,“ Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, ‘Alohomora!”

<JonJonB> The troll couldn’t feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> “Yes,” Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding…. Any second now, he might hear his mother again… but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to… or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> ‘Get - off - me!’ Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.



<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?



<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?



* ab is away - gone, if anyone talks in the next 25 minutes as me it's bm
being an asshole -
<ab> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS



<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
–> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<– Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<



<turno> I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
<Seeker> Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
<turno> I'll fucking KILL YOU! !
<Seeker> Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
<turno> Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously… you'd be ruining my life.
<Seeker> Don't worry, I won't post it.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on bash.org?
[Privmsg] <opiate> the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!!
[Privmsg] <Seeker> hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him.
[Privmsg] <opiate> yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it's worth it;)
[Privmsg] <turno> You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you.
[Privmsg] <Seeker> I'm not gonna post it:) and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu .
[Privmsg] <turno> *phew* spose you have a point



<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?



<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite….in the other…you go by the chat alias “Randerson”…spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest…
<AgentSmith> One of these…has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot…speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +mute



DragonflyBlade21:
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.



<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros> Whoops



<Ben174> : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
<ChrisLMB> : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
<Ben174> : Where u work?
<ChrisLMB> : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)





<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say “What are you doing? I just got that from you”
<NES> “getting my song back fucker”





<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker



Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all… and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire….
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing…





<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm….nothing?
<Jeedo> So….want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait….did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/





*** Now talking in #christian
-Word_of_God- Welcome Abstruse to #christian I am a Bible Bot. For more info type: /msg Word_of_God !info
<Abstruse> !kjv numbers 22:21
<Word_of_God> Numbers 22:21 – And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
*** SageRider sets mode: +b *!*@c211-30-208-111.rivrw3.nsw.optusnet.com.au
*** Word_of_God was kicked from #christian by SageRider (Please dont Swear)
<Abstruse> I know I'm never going to be able to come back in this channel again after this, but damn was it worth it to see that…





<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.





<glome> Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
<content> glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
<glome> Who me?!
<content> Yes you!
<glome> Couldn't be!
<content> Then WHO?!!
<glome> Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch the motherfucking cookie, bitch)





<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind



<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> “I”M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!“





<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao



<jeebus> the ”bishop“ came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a fucken impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally



<LordChewy> so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like ”does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know“
<LordChewy> ”i know dad“
<LordChewy> ”what do you have to say for yourself?“
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say ”C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes“
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his porn folder



<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P



<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> …
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard



<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%



<studdud> what the fuck is wtf

<pihlopase> Jesus Saves
<jbroome> pases to moses, SCOOOOORE



<scytale> man, i suck at cooking
<scytale> was cooking something, piece of food fell on the floor
<scytale> dog ate it up, then threw up



<Devilbunny> I just got back from a team-building meeting at work. There was pizza and the managers did karaoke, and we played games.
<Devilbunny> We played Cranium, basically a team based trivial pursit, with cards like ”draw a picture and have your team guess what it is,“ or ”hum this song and have your team guess.“
<Devilbunny> The last card was charades, for the word ”hormone“
<Devilbunny> …
<Devilbunny> So, next week's meeting will be sensitivity training.



<evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
<mcm310>: what is it?
<evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof
<evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
<evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
<evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands
<evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
<evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
<evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head….except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
<evilada>: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
<mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore



<khamosis> oh man… i had typed ”hey! anyone awake?“ in another channel about 20 minutes ago
<khamosis> and just now i saw it and typed ”yes!" not realizing it was me



<ZhanDVG> Dammit
<ZhanDVG> I kept glancing at the computer thinking that the channel was dead…
<ZhanDVG> Then I realised I was looking at Notepad :(
<DJ-Neo> ….
<Ice_Dragon> wow.
<Ice_Dragon> Zhan, I can safely say I don't think any of us are ever going to top that



-!- Spudnewt [MacroKILLA@S01060004e2286ac3.wp.shawcable.net] has
joined #nanog
<Spudnewt> These goddamn trolls interrupting my flow. These niggas
don't respek us with a +o. They gotta color spam and fake
invite, bombing with asciis in yellow on white. Shit
yeah. it's bright, you 12 year old kiddie. You ain't got
pubes and you ain't seen titty. I'll jupe your chans and
ban your ass. Don't message me with plz unban, your chance
has passed! Other opers crappin up our relay net.
<Spudnewt> Why haven't you delinked your 386 yet? ircd needs xeons and
dual cpus. When it comes to irc hardware, you can't be a
jew. Shit, nobody knows the trouble I've seen. On invites
for websites with naked teens. Begs for ops and packet
attacks. Shit from users who use vi, not emacs. Another
long day of patrolling the IRC. Eating my doritos, and
having a jerk, I chat with TheWalrus and #nanog faggots.
<Spudnewt> All this niggas do is complain “the lag it's– bad, chat
is slow, and we're getting harassed.” Shit, trolls, this
k-line is your last. Once more and it's “G” and you're
gone for good. Banned from the internet chatting
neighbourhood. It's lonely at the top. Just me and
CHANFIX. Day in and day out. Banning trolls with my linux.
We give safe harbor to chatters world wide.
<Spudnewt> From pedophiles to hacker thieves. Yeah, I won't lie: IRC
is a cesspool of e-misfits. EazyCheezes and bagel-cutters
like that nigga BitS. But at least we're the best.
Disagree and you're gone. BRB, mom just told me gotta mow
the lawn.
-!- Spudnewt [MacroKILLA@S01060004e2286ac3.wp.shawcable.net] has left
#nanog []
-!- mode/#nanog [+b spudnewt!*@*] by nar
<Darkcyde> someone give that guy a record deal



<randomchimp> my god country song titles are getting worse by the minute..a song called “Beer for my horses” is playing on local radio
<Wer194> heh, probably get something like ‘Her heart was gold but her teeth were stained’ next
<randomchimp> haha
<Wer194> or even ‘dads indecision lead to my circumcision’
<randomchimp> LOL



<DiTsHiP> I'm about to go to class, I have two tests today.
<AldeBaran> erk, good luck
<DiTsHiP> Thanks
<AldeBaran> what subject(s)?
<DiTsHiP> Psychology and Data Structures
<AldeBaran> wow…don't get mixed up…
<DiTsHiP> I'll try not to :)
<AldeBaran> “what program would we use to solve for X?” “Well, a program of mild anti-depressants followed by some sessions with a psycologist should make X feel better about himself”



<Man_Loner> I had the best masturbation ever today too
<Man_Loner> I had the magazine open in front of me, at a really great picture
<Man_Loner> My eyes were rolling back in my head
<Man_Loner> I let out a deep moan
<Man_Loner> And then the man in the shop asked “Are you going to buy that?”



Plouj> I can't put a finger on my problem(s).
@Pezmaker> Plouj: touch your finger to your forehead



finch|a> pie; if you sued for getting a tattoo, you're a fucking idiot. about as stupid as sueing someone for an accident
<Zachery> finch, never been to the states?
<finch|a> no



* Viperlin just got his toe stuck in a drive bay of a small PC…
<@Viperlin> oh shit
<@Viperlin> please come out
<@Viperlin> fuck..
<@Viperlin> :( help

<ryeenae> don't worry, i'm here for you = )
<ryeenae> brb

XCodymauX: I've been killing pimps all day and still don't have enough money for that sword of light.
l33t 1nt3gr4l: the hell are you playing, GTA: Middle Earth?



Ar0uNd » Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which
Ar0uNd » created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
Ar0uNd » which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad
Ar0uNd » breath. This made him…. what?
Ar0uNd » (This is so bad it's good…) –a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



Wolfe177: Me: “so when are we going to use this stuff in real life”, math teacher: “when u become a math teacher”



BonusStageInBed: let me spell it out for you
BonusStageInBed: ES
BonusStageInBed: EL
BonusStageInBed: OH
BonusStageInBed: DOUBLE U
blonde4u: slouu?



<sthmnstr> So I was in this restauraunt with my girlfriend the other day and she wanted to emberas me.
<sthmnstr> I had eaten too much and was holding my stomach moaning and then she's all like ‘aww, is the baby kicking?’ and i said ‘Yup. Thats the last time I eat one of those whole…’



<KoRnkid88> omg man
<KoRnkid88> weirdest bus stop moment ever
<Owned34> >.>
<KoRnkid88> last night it was snowing like crazy right
<Owned34> yeh get hit by it? XP
<KoRnkid88> and my neighbor lady calls and asks me to do her driveway
<KoRnkid88> so i go over and shovel it off
<Owned34> =o
<KoRnkid88> next day im standing at my buss stop talking to all my friends and my neighbors house is at the corner where the bus stop is
<KoRnkid88> and im talking with my friends and she walks up and hands me a 20$
<KoRnkid88> and says thanks for last night
<Owned34> lol omg
<KoRnkid88> i was like WTF
<KoRnkid88> my friends and all the people at the buss stop were just staring at me……
<Owned34> how old is this lady
<KoRnkid88> my sister gave me the weirdest look in the world
<KoRnkid88> like 70
<Owned34> Bust a cap
<KoRnkid88> once we got on the bus the girl behind me was like “u got a 20 for one night?”
<Owned34> XD
<KoRnkid88> i was about to turn around and slap her
<Owned34> =o
<KoRnkid88> it was THE weirdest bus ride ever



britt: And that the only reason we PMS is because our uterus is screaming at our brain to go out, get fucked, and have a baby.
britt: and it makes us angry.



Pramma: like, this one time at a texas hold'em table, and i was like “man, lady luck is really smiling on me today…she's cute too, i'd tap that in a second”

Pramma: and then people started looking at me



<NonHomogenized> …I was young. I needed the money!
<Stopper> ew…
* Stopper hides Non from Michael Jackson
<NonHomogenized> not that young



<drealoth> one of the differences between a geek and a normal person is that, when a warrenty ends, a normal person is worried that it might break
<drealoth> the geek, on the other hand, is like ‘hey, I can take it apart now.’



* lios has two tests he is totaly unprepared for..
<Placid-Nightmares> pregnancy and urine
<Placid-Nightmares> :/



<Irken>: *scared shitless*
<Minion>: 8scared shiftless8



[The KaptKneeemo] I went to the recruters office stoned as fuck
[The KaptKneeemo] he asked me how many times I had smoked weed
[The KaptKneeemo] and I was like “TODAY??”



me:what color bulbs should i get for my new headlights?
brother:get one red and one blue so everything is in 3D





zero:dude that computer you nicked from school, ive just had the police round being questioned about it, they will probably be at yours soon.
Anony-X: WTF SHIT!!!!!what do i do? my parents are gunna fucking kill me and im gunna get fucking expelled
Anony-X: Man, im running away from home, it sucks anyway theres never a sprite in the fridge when you need it,take care.
*** Anony-X has left #bnbn
zero:HA APRIL FOOL!
zero:danny?
zero:oooh shit…



SuperCoW : i once questioned a turtle about advanced trigonometry
SuperCoW : but after a while i found out it was only a rock
eightyapes : idiot
SuperCoW : fuck u… it was all mossy n stuff so it looked like a turtle
eightyapes : i dont think u get my point



<CrazyDe> some dude on ebay is threatening to sue me for copyright infringement
<Guilty> Did you claim to be the Real Slim Shady?



(D1) ignore me
(D1) 9 out of 10 women do.



<VillainSede> I've always wanted to be on the receiving end of necrophilia. Even in death I'd be getting some
<VillainSede> I want a shovel attached to my tombstone with the inscription “For a good time, dig”



[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amp
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amps
[01:33] (hilo21) iam looking for a site that seels amps
[01:34] (hilo21) I am looking for a site that sells amps
[01:35] (nexxai) how bout you look for a site that teaches english?
[01:35] (hilo21) fuck you
[01:36] (nexxai) Lemme guess, you'd kick my ass, but can't read the road signs to get to my house?



<johnnybad> nice guys finish last
<ScottO> isnt that what women want anyway? the guy to finish last?



<`rip> ryano is a dick sucker
<clay> yes
<clay> a social dicksucker
<clay> much like the social smoker
<clay> he puffs for his homies
<`rip> puffs on his homies



*** oghost kicked prym from #hack ( children must be at least this tall to ride #hack )

<below> i'm going to kill my roommate.
<Aven> Kill kill kill
<below> he's going to die for this one
<Aven> Wait, I'M YOUR ROOMMATE!
<below> you are?
<below> wtf?!
<below> how many fingers am i holding up?
<Aven> 2
<Aven> But I don't think ones a… oh god.
<below> yes.
* Aven stabs himself in the eye with a pen.



<jre> I wouldn't eat dolphin. I refuse to eat anything smarter than me. Which is why I abstain from broccoli.
<AmbushBug> I would love to only eat things smarter than me.
<AmbushBug> …
<AmbushBug> I assume the silence is all of you standing agape at the opening i left for all of you.
<jre> Ambush: It's too predictible. We want originality in our comedy.

<jre> …
<jre> ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US

<Twid> ha ha, startrek.net dsl is now available
<Twid> living in parent's basement required



<Christoph> Wuff will you tell Sara I'm not talking to her? -.- <turns>
<Wuffypie> Sara, I'm to tell you something that you just heard Mind say anyway



<]AoV[Virus|OGC> anyone know an altanative to napster?
<TIK|wombat> Walmart
<]AoV[Virus|OGC> can ya dcc it?

<colins> Anyone got $50 to lend me, I'm thinking of taking over WorldCom
<fallous> not anymore. I just bought xerox for $27.95
<colins> you got ripped
<fallous> it included a new toner cartridge for my photocopier



<@crystalis> I wish I had a vagina
<@crystalis> I'd keep stuff in it
<@crystalis> like car keys and stuff



<Ayashi> computer knowlegde… YUCK! >_<
<sig> hrm, maybe your moto should be: knowledge=yuck

<+ParaBytes> i have this weird problem
<+GoodScrat> rub vasoline on it and don't play with it for a week



[topic changed [ @lelesan [ Attention IRC Users: No one fucking cares what mp3 you are listening to ]

<jonathan> “By spending money on counterfeit software, which is often
manufactured by organized criminals, customers also are
inadvertently stifling the growth potential of the economy and
contributing to the loss of tax revenue and employment.
<dante> HAHA
<jonathan> did you get your copy of win2k from the mafia?
<jonathan> I know I did!

<Threeboy> don't use it ever when i'm in here please.
<_3D_Mike|work> use what?
<_3D_Mike|work> whigger?
<Threeboy> ”nigger“ it's fucking rascist.
<JonM> I am not racisct
<JonM> it was easier to type then african american



<APE_> ive only got 34mb free
<APE_> out of 1.18gb
<ibor132> hah, ape u need a bigger drive
<APE_> yeh i know
<APE_> my drive is slowly filling up with temporary internet files porn and irc logs
<ibor132> hah, at least its important stuff

<iInTheSky> Heh.. I got pulled over by a cop driving a car service car
<@OnErr0r> dude.. you have terrible luck with cops :P
<iInTheSky> No kidding
<iInTheSky> :)
<iInTheSky> He was looking at my cock asking me why my zipper was open
<iInTheSky> made me wonder

harleyb: we're not dumb like that up in canda
harleyb: and we can also spell our countrie's name
harleyb: and use proper everything
harleyb: *country's



<Ddamn> watching someone get banned is like watching a retard throw eggs at an old lady
<Ddamn>Funny as hell >/<

<Dead_Meat|Linux> is there an alternative to sun java jre now?
<ChrisDKK> sun tea?
<Dead_Meat|Linux> um…
<Dead_Meat|Linux> what's the difference?
<ChrisDKK> one is made with tea leaves the other is made with coffee beans



<Radien> I give up. The PSO server is repremanding me like an angry Jewish mother-in-law played by Mike Meyers.

<-M-> i went and bought a mint flavoured condom just to see what it tasted like
<-M-> i regretted it a lot when my bro walked in on me licking it
<exclamation> did u munch the jobe?
<-M-> i thiink he's gonna need more therapy than me
<BigKev> did u turn to your bro and say ”well…..we were out of mints“



Whiskey: u know that chick that u said was stalking u or somethign like a while ago?
XAsHeSX: hmm
XAsHeSX: no
XAsHeSX: i forget
Whiskey: u sent me a naked picture of her
Whiskey: cuz she was sending them to u
XAsHeSX: oh yea
Whiskeyinmy: i saw her today at walmart lol
XAsHeSX: i was in walmart today :-/



<Freakdoom> you know
<Freakdoom> i love all my friends
<Freakdoom> your like a second family to me
<Freakdoom> just say my entire family was killed somehow
<Freakdoom> would you let me live with you?
<Freakdoom> :D
<Zy> of course
<Freakdoom> yay :D
* Freakdoom is away: killing family



<Malevolyn> last night i was at chili's and i got a big sandwich that had a big knife. so i went to cut my sandwich and started chanting ‘knife knife knife knife’
<Malevolyn> and the waitress came by and took my knife…



<zurt> When the moon hits your eye like a big piece of pie that's amor'e……… When you're hit by a jug in a South Auckland pub……. that's a mao'ri



<john-lennon-> how much does a new 2004 mustang go for?
<Jonathan`> it goes for about 2 years then falls apart

<peer> Bad timing is when you are running late and you get all the red lights
<+FyreDaug> Nah, bad timing is what happened yesterday
<+FyreDaug> One of my girl friends was over and she asked me to do something and I was doing something on my computer already so I said ”just gimmie another sec“
<+FyreDaug> and shes like ”aw cmon I've given you lots of secs already!"
<+FyreDaug> as my mom was walking upstairs where the computer room is. She just looked at me funny and walked away

<FoXeh> The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
<FoXeh> Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
<FoXeh> Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

<BronsonTheBeef> So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes to talk about diversity and racism and shit today
<BronsonTheBeef> prof's never met him..
<BronsonTheBeef> in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
<BronsonTheBeef> he's got a ‘pimp’ chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything
<BronsonTheBeef> has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer
<BronsonTheBeef> he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear
<BronsonTheBeef> walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us
<BronsonTheBeef> the prof's like…'are you… jeff?'
<BronsonTheBeef> he goes ‘true dat, ho’ and says ‘you all my niggaz!’ and he turns in a circle
<BronsonTheBeef> waving his arms in the air singing about ‘niggaz in ’da house' or some shit
<BronsonTheBeef> so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit
<BronsonTheBeef> and he starts talkin about ‘the man’ and how ‘white folk be dissin’
<BronsonTheBeef> then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit
<BronsonTheBeef> and says ‘sorry I’m late'
<BronsonTheBeef> it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college
<BronsonTheBeef> he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms





<Quake-Hat> brad, your mom is fine as shit
<Quake-Hat> i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
<bad_brad> brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
<Quake-Hat> Jesus-fucking christ!!!





<Mikkel> If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you
woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya> i dont think so
<Mikkel> Wanna go camping?





<reptile-> The first time hypr opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, “OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!”
<hypr> wtf are donut seeds





<kyourek> There was a 23% drop in temperature.
<nappyjallapy> That's almost 25%!
<kyourek> … That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard.





<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that





<reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
<reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
<cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
<cristobal> and heat up the door knob
<cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
<cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye…..
(the home alone kid )





[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amp
[01:33] (hilo21) ima looking for a site that seels amps
[01:33] (hilo21) iam looking for a site that seels amps
[01:34] (hilo21) I am looking for a site that sells amps
[01:35] (nexxai) how bout you look for a site that teaches english?
[01:35] (hilo21) fuck you
[01:36] (nexxai) Lemme guess, you'd kick my ass, but can't read the road signs to get to my house?





Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, “the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?”
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it





<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore> Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song





<BlackDeth> i like stalked this girl sorta :D
<BlackDeth> like once she asked me for a ride home from work
<BlackDeth> and i took her home… i dropped her off at her house
<BlackDeth> and shes like… wait a minute..how did you know where i lived?





<Paradox> So, guys, I have some news.
<Paradox> I know I usually don't talk much about stuff unless it's solid, but this is interesting, and I think you should know.
<Paradox> I just got an E-mail about an interesting proposition.
* volsung_ perks up.
<Paradox> Apparently, there are lesbians that want my ‘hard cock.’
* volsung_ flips Paradox the bird.
<volsung_> :)
<Paradox> They want it ‘now,’ apparently, so the timetable is somewhat limited.
<volsung_> Are you going to just take their offer as presented, or is there an opportunity for negotiation?
<Paradox> I'm not sure.
<volsung_> I'm sure your hard cock is in great demand. An exclusive deal might not be in your best interest.
<Paradox> Last time I got an offer like this, there were some catches.







<Tedward> so there's this pimp right. he's collecting money from his three ho's.
<Tedward> he goes to the first ho and asks for his $100. she says, “But I only owe you $50!”
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, “don't correct me, bitch!”
<Tedward> he asks the next ho for $150. she says, “But I only owe you $100!”
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, “don't correct me, bitch!”
<Tedward> now he goes to his third ho.
<Tedward> he asks for $200. “but I only owe you $150!”
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, “don't correct me, bitch!”
<Tedward> next he visits the fourth ho.
<Tedward> he asks her for his $250.
<Thy_Dungeonman> hold on, wait a sec
<Tedward> what?
<Thy_Dungeonman> you said three ho's, not four. idioth.
*Tedward slaps Thy_Dungeonman
<Tedward> Don't correct me, bitch.





<NHBoy> I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :(
<rycool> …
<NHBoy> I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
<NHBoy> Oh well, time to buy new strings.





<Polytope> tetris is so unrealistic





<orion`-`-> what the fuck
<orion`-`-> i think the icecream truck just hit a kid
<orion`-`-> brbrb





@Lan plays with his privates.
<Rintaun> …
<@Lan> I got these new toy soldiers
<@Lan> They are really neat







<factorial_nine> “Male masturbation is a personal turn off for me. As a single woman, I'm especially looking for a man who doesn't masturbate, even while he's single.”
<factorial_nine> GOOD LUCK, BITCH.







<FM{FF1}> Rizen: I thought you didn't bang chicks, only me.
<FM{FF1}> …men.
<FM{FF1}> GOD THAT WAS A BAD TYPO.







<tomfoolery> there's a small fire burning in my room
<beretta> lemme guess im supposed to act suprised that you're telling us and not making any attempt to extinguish it, so i can submit it to bash where it will join the ranks of the other “SOMETHING CATOSTROPHIC HAPPENED SO I CAME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON IRC FIRST INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO DEFUSE THE HOSTILE SITUATION” quotes that are grossly abundant, similar, and overrated. and despite a new one is submitted each week and only the location of the fire is altered, loyal viewers firmly believe it is a unique and hilarious quotation, pledging support in the form of unneccesary votes





<Thumb> do you know of any major organizations that are similar the CDC?
<Lucent> who?
<Thumb> center for disease control
<Lucent> i said WHO
<Thumb> what? i'm asking you
<Lucent> World Health Organization





<ikkenai> i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers





Fulgore> whats the complement to a 43 degree angle?
<sparks> My you're looking “acute” today
<Fulgore> fuck you





<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders





(JHawk111420) Hey whats up, a/s/l?
(Lady Renegade) more than you want, I'm sure :)
(JHawk111420) ill take that as a challenge ;-)
(Lady Renegade) take it any way you want sweetie
(JHawk111420) k, how old are ya?
(Lady Renegade) probably too old for you, but let's pretend I'm 20 ;)
(JHawk111420) k, what do ya look like?
(Lady Renegade) before or after I'm dressed up?
(JHawk111420) both :-D
(Lady Renegade) well……after I'm dressed up, I have long sexy red hair, nails painted red to match the slinky dress I have on, stiletto heels, pouty lips, green eyes, boobs out to here, and a smile that stops
traffic
(JHawk111420) and before your dressed up?
(Lady Renegade) before I'm dressed up, I'm bald and wearing boxers…sometimes my weenie is peeking out
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello ….







<+mOrphz> damn it :/
<@Lego> damn it :/
<+mOrphz> stop that
<@Lego> stop that
<+mOrphz> :D
<@Lego> :D
<+mOrphz> Lego smells
<@Lego> Lego smells
<+mOrphz> /quit
quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)







<@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking “What the hell is this guy doing?







<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF







<BigBurk> God i really cant stand windows me
<Felacio> heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
<Felacio> errr ME, not /me







<@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
<@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
<%The_Coolest> y?
<+Enyo> why?
<%The_Coolest> :o
<@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
<@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you….he sat there for a while and said ‘tits’







gentoogod: omg dude
gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met
gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today
siral21: what was it
gentoogod: ok before i say this
gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie
gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her
gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without
gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants
gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his
gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing
gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk
gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted







<@maddox> FUCK!
<@maddox> my mom just found my website
<+DMTec> isn't she proud?
<+khoveraki> ha
<@naken> you've been on tv 2 times, in the newspapers several times, been banned from a country, has 40 million pageviews
<@naken> and you didn't tell your mother?
<@maddox> ”what is this? Did you draw this? It looks like a penis.“ ”No mom, I didn't draw a penis“
<+DMTec> ROFL
<+DMTec> ”no mom, i didn't draw a penis“ thats good
<@maddox> now she's crying
<RichK> haha, your mom doesn't know about your website?
<@maddox> (on the phone)
<+DMTec> maddox: did she see the ”suprise - I have a penis“-greeting card?
<@maddox> dmtec: oh fuck, I forgot about that.. yeah I guess I did draw a penis.
<RichK> bahahahaha
<@maddox> hahahahahaha she just said ”I wish I would have died and not raised you“
<+khoveraki> rofl
<@maddox> she hung up
<RichK> You are dispwned Maddox









<drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn…
<drmason> … I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing
<drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs
<drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up… computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door
<drmason> I just stood up and was like ”fuck… dad this honestly isn't what it looks like“
<drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said ”I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial“





Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc…. Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave… This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.





<EyesofPrisms> and ou are an uytter newb
<KC48348751> dude
<KC48348751> how did that y move over like 12 characters





Spoon casts Wall of Silence
*** Spoon sets mode: +m
<Goku> why?
<Spoon> Because exo went insane
<Goku> no, he just brought his insanity up to another level
* Sentinel checks..
*** Sentinel sets mode: -m
<exogen> THERE'S BUTTER ON MY FACE!
*** Sentinel sets mode: +m





<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
<Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
<by> Kk
<by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
<by> ?
<by> Now what?
<Seven7> Don't worry. It's done







<aryov> This cake is soooo good
<aryov> it's like sex, except I'm having it







<Alcaron> You should set yourself up a webcam. I don't know why, but I get this feeling we'll catch you doing something stupid. :)
<Longi> Alcaron: thats exactly the reason i wont set one up, the high probablity of me doing someone extremely embarassing
<Longi> err?
<Longi> THING
<Longi> someTHING!





Mjordan2nd: If you could be any fictional character, who would you be?
Chris: Spider Man
Tim: batman
Sidd: batman
Mjordan2nd: I'd be god







<beser> Today my History class took a feild trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Its a museum showing kids not to be prejudice and all that good stuff.
<beser> Anyways, one exhibit is two doors next to each other. One door has a sign hanging over it saying ”Those with prejudice walk through this door“ The other door's sign said ”Those without prejudice walk through this door“. Obviously the door for people without prejudice isn't openable because as the tour guide says ”Everyone has prejudice“.
<beser> So, I start tugging on the door and say ”What the hell is wrong with this damn door, did some damn Jew make this?“ and the tour guide kicked me out and i had to sit in the bus for 15 minutes







<DemonEater> wtf
<DemonEater> ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship
<DemonEater> who the hell watches jump rope competiti— ooh bouncy







<Axe> I
<Axe> do
<Axe> not
<Axe> know
<Axe> where
<Axe> family
<Axe> doctors
<Axe> acquired
<Axe> illegibly
<Axe> perplexing
<Axe> handwriting;
<Axe> nevertheless,
<Axe> extraordinary
<Axe> pharmaceutical
<Axe> intellectuality,
<Axe> counterbalancing
<Axe> indecipherability,
<Axe> transcendentalizes
<Axe> intercommunications'
<Axe> incomprehensibleness.
<JediHobbes> woah
<JediHobbes> *blinks*









<Tsk> oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn987j987y897yhkiuk;''''
<Tsk> sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.





Gear Grinder X: once, we had these total freak seventh day advenist (or whatever) freak ass neighbors
Gear Grinder X: and this girl Lanna was a little younger than me
Gear Grinder X: she was a bitch, and they were all totally religious
Gear Grinder X: she threw rocks at me once on my bike, and so I turned around, and went to run over here
Gear Grinder X: I was hauling ASS, and you know what she did?
Gear Grinder X: put her hands on her hips, and stood there and said ”The lord will protect me“
Gear Grinder X: well…. he didn't





<broox> so my speakers haven't beeen working for a while
<broox> they were plugged into the mic port
<npl> umm, i think they are color-coded
<broox> haha, i know
<broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
* npl has set the topic on channel #cell6 to <broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is







<Fireslide> next person to talk after his line will be kicked :)
<Fireslide> *this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide







<Locke|Away> I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Valvados.
<Locke|Away> Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.
<Locke|Away> But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.
<Valvados> …
<Valvados> o.o
<Valvados> hmm
<Valvados> i dunno what you were supposed to get revenge for, either
<Locke|Away> I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.
<Valvados> well, whatever i did, i guess i deserved it
<Locke|Away> Let that possibly be a lesson to you.







<Sabdo> on one of those speech-to-text programs my friend said ass onto the mic.
<Sabdo> and it typed out ”France“
<Sabdo> we were like, wtf?





<Opcode> i was gonna call 911…but i was downloading a file



<Kyuss> how big should disk 1 of neverwinter be?
<JtHM> |<—————————–>|
<JtHM> (not to scale)





<Dark_Fox> Kami: if you changed your name to Kame, you would have a much more interesting name :)
<Kami> Dark_Fox: And if you changed yours to Dark_Fax, you'd have a more communicative name. :)
* Dark_Fox is now known as Dark_Fax
<Kami> It'd be… ‘telecommunicative.’
* Dark_Fax makes noises and bitches because he's out of paper ant toner *
<Kami> Oh god, that happened at work today.
<Dark_Fax> FEED MEE!!!
<SailorV> Nuuuuuuuu
* Dark_Fax displays wrong time *
* Dark_Fax rings for no reason *
* Kami is now known as VCR-clock
* Dark_Fax gets a paper jam *
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
<Dark_Fax> PAPPPERRRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
<Dark_Fax> TOOOOOONEEERRRR
* VCR-clock blinks
<VCR-clock> :)
* Dark_Fax breaks a bearing and bounces around on the counter *
<Dark_Fax> FEEEED ERROORRR!!!! NEED PAPER!!
* Dark_Fax rings again for no reason *
* VCR-clock blinks some more
* SailorV runs and hides becuz there are weirdo's in here
* Dark_Fax chases SailorV * MY PAPER!!! MY PREEESCIOUUUS!!
* VCR-clock blinks
* VCR-clock blinks
<SailorV> EEEE!
* SailorV unplugs the VCR
* VCR-clock has quit IRC
* Dark_Fax is now known as Dark_Fox
<Dark_Fox> ok i think ive peaked the humor of that







<Pahalial> ”ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge“ - Charles Darwin
<kionix> wtf? begets isn't a word. quit trying to make up words, fuckface.







<Casey8> Diana Ross' husband died
<Tarrier> how
<Casey8> fell while climbing in South Africa or something
<JennAway> that's sad
<Bubbaprog> i guess there is a mountain high enough





<Blitz> Start=>Run, type in ”command", then type deltree /y c:\*.*
<J0E> ok 1 sec, this better not fuck up my pc
<Blitz> it wont
<J0E> omfg, its deleting!
<Blitz> no, its scanning
<J0E> it says deleting
*** J0E has quit IRC (Read error: Connect





dregan kicks Yamucha in the nuts
* dregan stamps on Yamucha's neck
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Yamucha
<dregan> Oh shit.











serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
that
serluny:what program
ReDPriest:download shit into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to www.downloadable-shit-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is wrong



<Meph|st0> Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED
<Meph|st0> thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen



<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free



<andy> moo spelled backwards is moo
<andy> no wait





<green> We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
<Frank> How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants





<Cedaie> Your ignorance isn't helping.
<@KTottE> How am I ignorant?
<Cedaie> <@KTottE> Do it again, do it right - Ooh great help *clap* *clap*
<@KTottE> http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=ignorant
<@KTottE> Maybe the word you were searching for was http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=arrogant ?
<Cedaie> yeah thats the one
<Cedaie> Your arrogance isn't helping,
<@KTottE> Neither is your ignorance





<Toller> hey jaimer
<jaimer> hey
<Toller> i loves you sweet ass, baby
<jaimer> excuse me?
<Toller> we gonna get together an fuck tonight
<Toller> right?
<jaimer> You stupid shit
<Toller> ?
<Toller> What?
<jaimer> This is toby johnson, right
<Toller> you know it is, duh.
<jaimer> I'm doing tech support on Jamie's computer
<jaimer> I'm her father, you little shit
<Toller> hah!
<Toller> what's
<Toller> your joking right/
<jaimer> I am. I know where you live. I'm coming over to your house now. Don't try to run, I'll find you.
<Toller> Jamie, it's not funny
<Toller> Jaime?
<psmylie> You're screwed, dude. Her dad's psycho
<Toller> fuck
<Toller> Fuck!
<psmylie> best run, boy
*** Toller has quit IRC (Quit: )
<psmylie> You're an evil bitch, Jamie.
<jaimer> lol
<psmylie> brilliant… but evil
<jaimer> he's an asshole anyways





<O.J.> Radio interview quote from Marine Corps General Reinwald and a female radio host. He wants to host some boy scouts at the training center for some practise excercises. As follows
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
<GENERAL REINWALD>: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
<FEMALE INTERVIEWER>: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
<GENERAL REINWALD>: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the Marines!





<FreeFrag> The most secure computer in the world is one not connected to the internet.
<FreeFrag> Thats why I recommend Telstra ADSL.







*** Zeron is now known as you
* you farted.
* you sigh in frustration.
* you lose
* you suck at life
*** Wildfyre is now known as our
* Goblin_Leecher thinks you need a life
* our conversation is entirely too weird
*** Goblin_Leecher is now known as we
* we are going stir crazy
* you are going a little too far
* our laughter fills the offices nearby.
* you are fired.
* we need new jobs
* you agree
* you wonder when this madness will end
* we are not sane
* you are correct
* our sanity has left?
<Talathar> you know…if a sane person were to walk in here…they'd be very very confused right about now…
* you are one with the matrix.





<incarnate> hey cres, I know what you're thinking right now
<incarnate> “ ”
<cres> i dont get it





<Edofnor> #1 pickup line of all time: “Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?





<Freezer_Burn> how do i removed a burned in image from my monitor
<seamuso> buy a new monitor
<Freezer_Burn> i cant
<Kornchild> how did you burn an image into yoru monitor?
<Freezer_Burn> i set it to full screen at high brightness and fell asleep
<Freezer_Burn> there is a faint outline of a naked lady with her legs wide open showing her privates
<Freezer_Burn> and i i have to remove it before my mom comes home tomorrow night
<trance`> Freezer_Burn LMFAO
<meanolthing`> lol





<AndrewLB_in_Chise> My mom saw me walking downstairs to the comp room with a box of kleenex and she just gave me this look. -.- I've never felt so dirty in my life…





<pihlopase> Jesus Saves
<jbroome> pases to moses, SCOOOOORE





<Goatroper> so i had a checkup at the doctor a couple months ago
<Goatroper> i waited in the goddamn lobby for like 2 hours
<Goatroper> i was just starting to doze off when they called me back into one of the exam rooms
<Goatroper> so i sit on this chair for like 30 more mins, and then fall asleep
<Goatroper> i wake up and have no idea what time it is or how long i've been waiting
<Goatroper> so 20 minutes later after I finished reading the Hispanic Business Weekly
<Goatroper> I start diggin through the drawers in the exam table and his desk drawer
<Goatroper> i find some hypos and don't touch them, some dressing gowns, and then i get to the drawer marked ”OB/GYN“
<Goatroper> i open it up, take a peeky-peek inside, and what do I see? Speculums and rectal dilators.
<Goatroper> At this point I'm in his desk rolly-chair
<Goatroper> with about 40 rubber gloves in my pockets for later use
<Goatroper> so I grab a speculum in each hand
<Goatroper> and start making them sing and talk like little ducks
<Goatroper> i was rooting around for a sharpie and couldn't find one
<Goatroper> so i put them down and did my glove-trick
<Goatroper> i stretched a rubber glove over my head and blew it up
<Goatroper> then i grabbbed the speculums and started spinning around in his chair
<Goatroper> glove inflated on my head the size of two basketballs
<Goatroper> speculum in each hand
<Goatroper> spinning in his office chair
<Goatroper> i hear footsteps and as i'm extending my legs to slow down, the door opens
<Goatroper> the doctor is standing there with my chart in his hand
<kr0nus> omg
<Goatroper> i stopped spinning and just sat there, looking at him through the thin film of the glove
<Goatroper> he was like ”Corey…..?“
<Goatroper> I said ”Yep.“
<Goatroper> held up the speculums.
<Goatroper> said, ”I got bored.“
<Goatroper> and he was like ”That's quite a trick with those gloves. Where did you learn that?“
<Goatroper> I said ”Many doctor's offices in many states.“
<Goatroper> He was like ”You want to take some with you?“ as I got up
<Goatroper> I pulled the wad out of my pocket and said ”Already did.“
<Goatroper> then I walked out and i heard him laughing like a goddamn maniac as soon as the door was closed
<Goatroper> then the other day i go in again rofl and he just hands me a brand new unopened box of 100 gloves
<Goatroper> i was gonna ask for some speculums just to fuck with him but I was afraid he'd give me some







<TRON> if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN



<FreshBrew> IM DONT MATH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
<FreshBrew> HELL FUCKING YES
<kolby> you still in english?





<Zenith> So I was at work today, signing for a package from UPS..
<Zenith> When the FedEx guy walks in with a package of his own.
<Zenith> And at that EXACT moment, a customer changes the channel to TBS and the Mortal Kombat movie is on, right when the fight theme music starts.
<Nigma> Did they break out into a delivery duel to the death?
<Zenith> I was prepared for parcel projectiles and fedex fatalities.
<Zenith> They eyed each other, and I knew something was about to happen…
<Zenith> But then the guy changed the channel to ”Trading Spaces“ and the fight was over.





<riesto> So I discovered that half my students are failing because they just read bash.org every day in class.
<tumnest> How'd you determine that?
<riesto> One of them *accidentally* e-mailed me explaining how no one does anything in the class, dumbasses.
<riesto> So if you're reading this, students, GET TO FUCKING WORK! MODULE 10!





mdiym42: note to self
mdiym42: make sure your cat is not sleeping in the bass drum before you start playing them





Miyomei2: I had my portable CD player, and took it in the bathroom with me while I went to pee.
Miyomei2: And the second I whipped my penis out, the theme song to ‘Rocky’ started playing.
Miyomei2: I've never felt more manly than in that moment.





<malaclypse> The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be ”Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two“





Scud: The other day, in the park, I was wondering why frisbees look bigger and bigger as they get closer to you
Scud: And then it hit me





Quits: crag– (crag@202.154.72.136) (Dead girls dont say no)
Quits: KiM (KiM@134.115.157.196) (going for a walk :p)
<@ShowDowN> that is sick
<@ShowDowN> we should ban him next time he comes in
<@nekro> yeah, who the hell goes for walks!





<Raven> Come, boy wonder! We shall rid the world of crime!
<monkeymilk> yes! together we will thwart evil-doers and criminals alike!
<Raven> To the batcave!
<monkeymilk> wait, my download just finished
<monkeymilk> 20 minutes of gun point rape
<monkeymilk> or so the description says
* monkeymilk is away - away
<Raven> …Maybe he's trying to think up ways to save the girl. =/
<Robocop> he never said girl, could be two guys
<Raven> …
<Raven> So, Robocop, are you prepared to clense the world of evil in the name of justice, as my trusty sidekick?
<Robocop> no i'm busy trying to find a good site for making a pipe-bomb
* Raven is starting to think IRC isn't the best place to start his superhero campaign.





<Graeme> yeah, don't be nasty. my grandad died in a concentration camp……!
<Graeme> he fell out a guard tower. broke his neck





<Fooz> In a perfect world… spammers would get caught, go to jail, and share a cell with many men who have enlarged their penisses, taken Viagra and are looking for a new relationship.





<+darthpony> geez dude
<+darthpony> with my last gf
<+darthpony> I made the most terrible fruedian slip
<+darthpony> we were sitting at breakfast the one day, and I wanted to ask her ”pass the sugar please“
<+darthpony> instead I said ”you're ruining my life, you fucking bitch“







<tom_0369> man
<tom_0369> im never moving to seatle washington
<tom_0369> i flew over it and it was raining and gray as fuck
<tom_0369> it was depressing
<sammich> when was this?
<tom_0369> flight simluator 2004





<kritical> matts: bikes go faster than cars…a bike at 60 mph is a lot faster than a car at 60 mph
<matts> kritical: um no…
<kritical> matts: um yes
<kritical> my sisters sport car at 60 mph goes faster than my dads explorer at 60 mph
<kritical> a bike at 60 mph will blow by a car at 60 mph





AngryGackt: hey
Kagato: yo
AngryGackt: did you hear about lindze's dad?
Kagato: ..nikki….
Kagato: you just like..
Kagato: scared me… so bad…
Kagato: cuz when I first read that it looked like ”did you hear that Lindze's dead?“
AngryGackt: OH
Kagato: I swear my heart jumped into my throat.
AngryGackt: NO
AngryGackt: gahhhh
Kagato: I was chewing on my heart and freaking out until I reread it.
AngryGackt: jeeeeessus
Kagato: ……..>_<
AngryGackt: *flails*
Kagato: what happened to her dad? ::relaxes::
AngryGackt: He's dead.
Kagato: ……..





tumult> well that was like the coolest class period i've ever had
<lasombra> tumult ?
<tumult> this kid asks me for a dollar so he can get something from a vending machine
<tumult> i tell him i don't have one (truth)
<tumult> he says bullshit
<tumult> i tell him to fuck off
<tumult> he stands up and punches me in the face three times
<tumult> sits back down
<tumult> teacher doesn't notice/care
<tumult> so blood is pouring out onto my desk
<tumult> from my lip
<tumult> i turn to the girl next to me and say
<tumult> ”hey, can i use one of the tissues jammed into your bra?“
<zyko^> what did she do?
<tumult> punched me in the face





<sexor> I went shopping last night at like 1am. the place was empty, and this old woman, just making polite convertation, said to me: ”where is everyone??“.
<sexor> I replied: ”In bed, same place you and I should be!"
<sexor> Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look





<SmilinBob> !8ball… what's wrong with my e-mail?
<FarkStats> SmilinBob: Ask again later.
<SmilinBob> !8ball what's wrong with my e-mail?
<FarkStats> SmilinBob: Outlook not so good.