Homer Quotes! Ég fann fullt af quotum eftir Homer á wikipedia.org

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* Ahh, my beer! Oh, you never even had a chance to become my urine!
* Ah, the Luftwaffe. The Washington Generals of the History Channel.
* Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?
* All my life I've had one dream: to achieve my many goals.
* All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
* All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
* Always remember that you’re representing your country. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t mess up France the way you messed up your room.
* Always submit to peer pressure.
* Am I turning you on?
* America's health care system is second only to Japan… Canada, Sweden, Great Britain… well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
* Are you sure you're an accredited and bonded pornographer?
* As long as he has eight fingers and eight toes, he's my son.
* Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
* Awww, $20!? I wanted a peanut. (Brain: $20 can buy many peanuts.) Explain how. (Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.)
* Back, you robots! Nobody ruins my family vacation but me… and maybe the boy!
* Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.
* Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love!
* Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!
* Beer … My onnnnne weakness!
* Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
* To alcohol! The cause, and solution to, all of life's problems.
* Boy, everyone is stupid except me.
* Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the Police Academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting, you know, like the movie Spaceballs. But instead, it’s been painful and disturbing, like the movie Police Academy.
* But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.
* Call me Air Homer!
* Come here, Apu. If it’ll make you feel any better, I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another, until you just wish Flanders was dead.
* D'oh!
* Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. … OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. … Thy will be done.
* Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead.
* Dear Marge, maybe it's just the beer talking, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these chewy pretzels (gibberish) 5 dollars? Get outta here. (Written on Beer Festival postcard)
* Did you know that in Massachusetts it's legal to marry your son?
* “Distracted”. Now that's a funny word. Does anyone ever get “tracted”? I'll call the suicide hotline and find out.
* Do I know what rhetorical means?
* Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.? The kids can call you Hoju!
* Does whisky count as beer?
* Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them.
* Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. … Well, good night!
* Don't hassle the dead, boy. They have eerie powers.
* Episode 3F11, Selma's Choice.
* Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities : John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin…I wish I was dead.
* Don't you know the saying? “Water water everywhere, so let's all have a drink”? (A rewording of a Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem)
* Don't you think you're overreacting, talking gum-ball machine?
* Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
* (building a barbecue pit) English side ruined! Must use French instructions! (reading) “Le grille”?! What the hell is that?!
* Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course and forgot how to drive?
* Everyone knows rock n' roll attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact.
* Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
* First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind.
* First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.
* First you gotta shriek like a woman, then keep sobbing till he turns away in disgust. That's when it's time to kick some back.
* For you, I'll be as dull as Dilbert.
* Get lost, Flanders.
* Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
* Gime? What's a gime? (reading a sign saying “Gym”) Ooooh! A GIME'.
* God bless those pagans.
* God cannot be everywhere, right?
* Good things don't end in ‘eum,’ they end in ‘mania’…or ‘teria’.
* Good-bye, Bart. I like your sheets.
* Good-bye, Lisa. Remember me as I am: Filled with murderous rage!
* (drunk) Guess how many boobs I saw today! Fifteen!
* Heh-heh-heh! Lisa, vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!
* Help me Jebus, help me!
* Have you ever heard of jet lag. JET LAG?!
* Here are your messages: ‘You have thirty minutes to move your car.’ ‘You have ten minutes to move your car.’ ‘Your car has been impounded.’ ‘Your car has been crushed into a cube.’ ‘You have thirty minutes to move your cube.’
* Here in France, no one calls me “fat jerk”. I'm a “gourmand”.
* Hey, I asked for ketchup! I'm eatin' salad here!
* Hey, if you don't like it go to Russia.
* Hmm… I don't approve of his Bart-killing policy… but I do approve of his Selma-killing policy (subsequently votes for Sideshow Bob)
* (drunk) Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us: Marge, Bart, girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him!
* HOMER MAD! HOMER MAD! HOMER GET REVENGE ON WORLD!
* Homer no function beer well without.
* (singing) I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!
* I believe children are the future… unless we stop them now!.
* I bet Einstein turned himself into all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
* I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!
* I can't believe that someone I've never heard of wants to hang out with a guy like me.
* I didn't need that fact…now I forgot who won Bud Bowl 8.
* I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun.
* I don't know what that is, so I'm going to say yes.
* I don't miss a thing. (walks into different room) Whoa! We have a kitchen?!
* I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say, ‘Yes!’
* If I don't see it, its not illegal!
* Enough! I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing. Bring me my ranch dressing hose!
* I have misplaced my pants.
* I hope he tells us to burn our pants, these things are driving me nuts.
* I hope I didn't brain my damage.
* I know you can read my thoughts, boy: Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.
* I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
* I may occasionally kill out of anger; or to illustrate a point, but I'm no Grim Reaper!
* I must have a guardian angel… with a rifle!
* I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.
* I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.
* I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.
* I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.
* I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
* I used to rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y day. Then it was every other day.
* I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
* I wasn't asleep! I was drunk!!
* I wonder where Bart is, his dinner's getting all cold… and eaten.
* I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood.
* I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping bag, goodnight.
* I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
* If I'm laughing at what I think I am, it's very funny…
* If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.
* If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
* If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!
* “If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers…”
* If you're gonna get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things.
* Impeach Churchill!
* I'll mace you good!
* I'll get out of this city alive, even if it kills me! (while trying to get out of New York City)
* I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
* I'm going to act how America acts best… unilaterally!
* I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
* I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
* I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?
* I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
* I'm no missionary! I don't even believe in Jebus!
* I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
* I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
* I'm not outta order! You're outta order! The whole freakin' system's outta order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! ‘Cause when you reach over and stick your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend’s face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge — it's Chinatown!
* I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am!
* Internet! Is that thing still around?
* I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -and it's me.
* If it's about laying off the Guatemalan insanity peppers, I'm way ahead of ya!
* If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
* It is better to watch people do stuff than to do stuff.
* It's about time trees were good for something, instead of just standing there like jerks!
* It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
* It worked! And there's no brain damage-amage-amage-amage-AMAGE
* I’ve figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of travelling acrobats.
* I've come to hate my own creation! Now I know how God feels!
* Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
* Keep walking, Flanders.
* Kids don't beat me, I beat kids.
* Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
* Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
* Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.
* Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
* Look at ‘em. Watchin’ my TV. Sittin on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!
* Look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happy Land in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! (slams door then comes back in) In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic!
* Lousy bragging know-it-all show-off.
* Lousy lovable dog.
* Lousy laws of physics.
* Lousy rotten no-good Flanders.
* Lousy stupid Denver.
* Lousy traumatic childhood.
* Maybe some day somebody will call me “sir” without adding “You're making a scene”.
* Marge, can we go home? All this fresh air is making my hair move and I don't know how long I can complain.
* Marge, I think I'd remember my own LIFE!
* Marge, I'd kill for you! Please ask me to kill for you.
* Marge, it's 3 AM. Shouldn't you be baking?
* Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
* Marge, I've always loved you. Bart, you were a worthy foe.
* Marge, quick, how many kids do we have? No time, I'll just estimate. Nine!
* Marge, what's wrong? Are you hungry? Sleepy? Gassy? Gassy? Is it gas? It's gas, isn't it?
* Marge, when I join an underground cult I expect a little support from my family.
* Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
* Me in a nuclear power plant, he he he, KABOOM!!, he he he
* Me lose brain? Uh oh.
* Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the baldest of them all?
* Mr. Burns, I think I won.
* My father never believed in me! I'm not gonna make the same mistake. From now on I'm gonna be kinder to my son and meaner to my dad.
* My God, you're greasy.
* Never! Never, Marge! I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called city fathers, who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?!
* No son of mine is gonna be a nineteenth-century Cockney bootblack!
* Now for the easiest job for any coach… the cuts.
* Now who's the Dean!
* Now, son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for daddies, and kids with fake I.D.s.
* Now that happy moment between the time the lie is told and when it is found out.
* Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
* Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible: 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! If you ask me, everybody's a sinner! Except for this guy.
* Oh, God! We killed Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns is going to be so mad!
* Oh, I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge… see ya!
* Oh, I'm sick of doing Japanese stuff! In jail we had to be in this dumb kabuki play about the 47 Ronin, and I wanted to be Oshi, but they made me Ori!
* Oh, Dad, you and your stories. ‘Bart broke my teeth. The nurses are stealing my money. This thing on my neck is getting bigger.’
* Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. ‘Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells.’ Now let's go to the… building… where our beds and TV…is.
* Oh! Look at that car burn! Does it get any better than this?
* (Upon receiving death threat letter written in blood) Oh my God! Someone's trying to kill me! Oh wait, it's for Bart.
* Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure… not even close.
* Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of people know that.
* Oh Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing. (while lounging in the yard naked)
* Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
* Oh, those jazz guys are just making that stuff up!
* Oh, used grease is worth money eh? Then my arteries are filled with liquid gold!
* Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
* Once I kill you, everyone will think I'm the real Homer!
* Once the sun goes down, all the weirdoes turn crazy!
* Once you go Vatican, you never go back again.
* Ooh, a fresh batch of America balls.
* Operator! Give me the number for 911!
* Our kids keep getting smarter. If we have another kid, he could invent a time machine to go back in time and prevent us from having kids.
* Pffft. Who needs English? I'm never going to England.
* Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! (upon meeting aliens)
* Please, Your Majesty, I know that I, like many other Americans, have behaved like a total buffoon. But we Americans are England's children. I know we don't call as often as we should and we aren't as well- behaved as our goody two-shoes brother, Canada – who, by the way, has never had a girlfriend – I'm just sayin'! But, please, find it in your jewel-encrusted heart to forgive me. (to the Queen of England)
* Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.
* Purple is a fruit.
* Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.
* Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.
* Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears…
* Reporter: Don't you think it's dangerous to send civilians into space?
Homer: I'll handle this… the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes… wait a minute… Statue of Liberty… that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
* Save me, Jebus!
* Save me, Duffman!
* Screw Flanders!
* See you in hell, candy-boys!
* (to Flinstones theme) Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree… Ahhhh!
* Marge, someone broke the toilet.
* Snakes, nature's quitters.
* Some people say I look like Dan Aykroyd.
* Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!
* [drunk] So I say, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same in the end!
* Son, a woman is a lot like a… (looks around) a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and… um… (spots his can of Duff) Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (downs the beer) But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
* Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
* Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What’s-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughin’, did you?
* Stupid American-made dog!
* Stupid Bartoon! (laughs) “Bartoon”! That's clever! (laughs again) I'm gonna kill him!
* Stupid Flanders! You're a genius.
* Stupid Flounders! (after fish stole his lawn chairs)
* Stupid ice. I always knew I'll die cased in something.
* Stupid, sexy Flanders!
* Stupid TV! Be more funny!
* Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
* (after discovering Lincoln didn't bury any gold) That lying, rail-spitting, theater-going freak!!
* That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
* That's a nice-a donut.
* That's the last time I trust the strangest people on Earth.
* The Burns Mansion! That's Mister Burns's Mansion!
* The food was not undelicious.
* The good book, on tape? Ooh its written by Larry King.
* The hunter has become the hunter.
* The internet wasn't created for mockery, it was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was!
* The lesson is: Our God is vengeful! O spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten.
* The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
* The strong must protect the Sweet.
* [To Maggie] The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. I hope you never say a word.
* Then I figured out we could just stick them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.
* To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
* To be loved, you have to be nice to others EVERYDAY!. To be hated, you don't have to do squat. ( advice to Mr.Burns ).
* “To start, press any key.” Where's the “any” key?!
* “To overcome the spidercurse, simply quote a Bible verse” Thou shalt not… DOH! *throws rock at giant spider*
* *gasp* OH MY GOD! TRAMAPOLINE! TRAMBAPOLINE!
* Trying is the first step towards failure.
* Unguarded breakfasts - the sweetest taboo.
* Uh, we're having a discussion about gay witches for abortion. You woudln't be interested.
* Wait a minute… I'm in no condition to drive… hmm… Hey, I'm drunk! I shouldn't listen to myself!
* Homer: Wait a minute, there’s something bothering me about this place. I know! This lesbian bar doesn’t have a fire exit! Enjoy your death trap ladies!
Lesbian: What was her problem?
* Weaseling out of things is important to learn! It's what separates us from the animals -except the weasel.
* (about Jesus wearing sandals) Well, maybe if he had had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught ‘im.
* Well, if it isn’t the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
* Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
* (to Marge) Well YOU have a problem!
* We're goin bowling. If we don't come back, avenge our deaths.
* (after watching a cult brainwash film) Homer: Wait, so the cops knew internal affairs was setting them up?
Cult Member: What? There's nothing like that in there.
Homer: Yeah, when I get bored I make up my own movie.
* What are you gonna do? Release the dogs?! Or the bees?! Or dogs with bees in their mouth so that when they bark they shoot bees at you?
* What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
* (giving a lecture on marriage) What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as “The process of removing weeds from one's garden.”
* What's keeping Joan Rivers alive?
* (after just waking up) What's wrong? House ran away? Dog on fire?
* Whaddaya mean, you lost him? He might have fallen into one of these machines! [turns] Oh, my God: that's his lucky red hat. He's a box! My boy's a box! Damn you, a box!
* When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
* When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
* Who is Fonzie!?! Don't they teach you anything at school?
* Why you little…!!! [usually goes with strangling Bart]
* Woo-hoo!
* Wow, I can't believe we just met Mr. Bean! [Homer's comment after meeting Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the UK, who takes off in a jetpack]
* Wrong again liberal media
* Y'ello! (Homer Simpson's version of “hello”)
* You call this a bicameral legislature? [Homer bursting into Congress drunk, before being subdued by security]
* You can't keep blaming yourself, Marge. Just blame yourself once and get on with life.
* You can't spell “dishonest” without “honest”.
* You couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
* (to Ned) You help me, and I, in turn, am helped by you!
* You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
* You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.
* You su-diddly-uck, Flanders.
* You tried and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.
* Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say… This stinks!
* Your mother seems really upset. I better go have a talk with her — during the commercial.
* You're not the only one who can abuse a non-profit organization.
* That's the beauty of a shallow grave.