1. STICK A HOSE IN HIS MOUTH

2. MAKE HIM SWALLOW A BATTERY

3. LET KYLE’S MOM GET PISSED AT HIM

4. PUT HIM IN A FOOD PROCESSOR AND FEED HIM TO STAN’S GRANDPA

5. MAKE HIM LISTEN TO A BARBARA STRISAND TAPE

6. GIVE HIM CANCER WITH YOUR MIND

7. HAVE HIM STAND IN THE WAY WHEN CARTMANS RUNNING TO THE CAFETERIA

8. CLONE HIM, SHRINK HIM, AND JAM A PIN THROUGH HIM TO MAKE EARRINGS

9. DO IT AGAIN TO MAKE A MATCHING NECKLACE

10. USE A VACUUM TO SUCK HIS EYES OUT

11. HIRE HIM AS A CRASH TEST DUMMY

12. HYPNOTIZE HIM AND MAKE HIM THINK HE’S A LEMMING

13. ICE-SKATE OVER HIM

14. HAVE HIM WIN THE LOTTO AND LOOSE THE TICKET, SO HIS PARENTS KILL HIM

15. LEAVE CHICKEN AND POTATO SALAD IN THE SUN FOR A WEEK AND GIVE HIM FOOD POISONING

16. MAKE HIM STAY AT THE BATES MOTEL

17. CLOSE A DOOR ON HIS HEAD

18. SHOVE A HOT CURLING IRON UP HIS ASS

19. FLATTEN WITH ROLLING PIN, CUT WITH COOKIE CUTTER, BAKE. KENNY COOKIES

20. STICK A BLACK WIDOW SPIDER IN HIS PARKA

21. PUT A JELLYFISH IN A BOWL AND SAY ITS JELL-O

22. GIVE HIM THE FLESH EATING BACTERIA

23. HAVE STAN PUKE ON HIM UNTIL HE GETS EATEN BY STOMACH ACID

24. FEED HIM ALKASELTZER UNTIL HE EXPLODES

25. “ACCIDENTALLY” PUSH HIM ON FLY PAPER AND RIP HIS SKIN OFF

26. RUN HIM OVER WITH A ZAMBONIE

27. STICK HIS HEAD IN THE OVEN

28. SLICE HIM WITH A PIZZA CUTTER

29. BURN HIM WITH A GIANT MAGNIFYING GLASS

30. JAM A CHAIR LEG THROUGH HIS HEAD

31. POUR HOT WAX OVER HIM AND MAKE A CANDLE

32. LET ALIENS SUCK HIS BRAIN OUT

33. BLOW HIS HEAD OFF WITH A GRENADE LAUNCHER

34. SHOVE A PHONE THROUGH HIS EARS

35. TURN THE VOLUME UP ON HIS WALKMAN UNTIL HIS HEAD EXPLODES

36. STICK A WIRE UP HIS NOSE AND PULL HIS BRAINS OUT

37. PUMP PROPANE INTO HIS HOUSE AND LIGHT A MATCH

38. HAVE KYLE’S ELEPHANT STEP ON HIM

39. SHINE A LAZER POINTER IN HIS EYES UNTIL THEY BURN

40. REPLACE HIS GUM WITH PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES

41. PUMP HIM FULL OF HELIUM AND TAKE HIM TO A FAN STORE

42. GIVE HIM A TATTOO ON HIS EYELID AND “ACCIDENTALLY” SLIP

43. STICK A BUNCH OF LOBSTERS IN HIS BED

44. PUT ACID IN HIS MOUTHWASH

45. LOCK HIM IN A SAUNA OVER THE WEEKEND

46. SQUIRT A FIRE EXTINGUISHER IN HIS FACE

47. HAVE HIM GET RAN OVER BY A REINDEER

48. THROW A DART IN HIS EYE

49. HAVE WILD DOGS RIP HIM APART

50. HIRE A HITMAN

51. SNAP HIS NECK

52. FRY HIM IN HOT GREASE

53. SEW HIS BUTT SHUT AND HAVE HIM DIE OF CONSTIPATION

54. PLAY DOCTOR AND GIVE HIM OPEN-HEART SURGERY WITH A PLASTIC KNIFE

55. GO TEMPORARILY INSANE AND ATTACK HIM WITH A HOLE PUNCHER

56. WORDS CAN HURT! BEAT HIM WITH A DICTIONARY

57. IMPALE HIM WITH SKI POLES

58. PIERCE HIS BELLYBUTTON… WITH A POWER DRILL

59. THROW HIM AT A BRICK WALL

60. COVER HIM WITH HOT GLUE AND STICK BEADS TO HIM

61. HAVE HIM SIT ON A FIRE ANT HILL

62. PUSH HIM INTO THE VOLCANO

63. STICK A YARDSTICK DOWN HIS THROAT

64. CHOP HIM IN HALF WITH A RUSTY AX

65. SLICE HIS ARMS OFF WITH A POWER SAW

66. LET KITTY SCRATCH HIS ASS OFF

67. STICK HIM UNDER THE CAR HOOD AND DRIVE AROUND TOWN

68. SHOVE HIS HEAD IN A WAFFLE IRON

69. SEND HIM TO THE SOUTH POLE AND SEE HOW LONG THAT DOLLAR STORE PARKA LASTS

70. RIP HIS FACE OFF WITH BARBED WIRE

71. SHOVE HIM IN YOUR CD ROM DRIVE

72. THROW HIM INTO A PIT FULL OF HUNGRY RATS

73. WRAP HIM IN PLASTIC WRAP

74. DROP A I BEAM ON HIS HEAD

75. FLUSH HIM DOWN THE TOILET

76. THROW HIM IN A GARBAGE TRUCK

77. MAKE HIM DRINK BLEACH

78. STICK HIM IN A TYPEWRITER

79. PUT THUMBTACKS IN HIS CEREAL

80. USE THE CHINESE WATER TORTURE

81. MAKE HIM TRY FOR THE GUINNESS RECORD FOR GLASS EATING

82. LET HIM FIGHT MIKE TYSON

83. STICK HIM IN THE FREEZER

84. CONVINCE HIS PARENTS TO GO BACK TO CANNIBALISM

85. LET HIM WALK THROUGH A CAR WASH

86. REPLACE HIS TOILET PAPER WITH SAND PAPER (OKAY, IT WOULDN’T KILL HIM, BUT IT WOULD HURT PRETTY DAMN BAD, AND IT MIGHT CAUSE AN INFECTION!)

87. MAKE HIM WATCH GODZILLA UNTIL HE GO’S INSANE AND KILLS HIMSELF

88. STAB HIM TO DEATH ON MARCH 15

89. PUT A BEEHIVE IN HIS BOOK BAG

90. PUT NITRO UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS IN HIS ROOM

91. SET HIS HOUSE ON FIRE AND HAVE HIM GET RAN OVER BY THE FIRE TRUCK

92. BOIL HIM IN LAVA ACID LIKE IN DANTES PEAK

93. HAVE HIM STAND UNDER ICICLES READY TO FALL

94. HAVE HIM TRY TO THINK OF 101 THINGS FOR A LIST

95. MAKE HIM LISTEN TO FINGERNAILS SCRAPING ON A CHALKBOARD

96. HAVE HIM GET BIT BY A VIRUS INFECTED MONKEY

97. HAVE HIM USE SCISSORS ON THE BUS AND STOP REALLY FAST

98. MAKE HIM EAT NOTHING BUT FRIED BANANA SANDWICHES

99. ATTACK HIM WITH A CHEESE GRATER

100. HAVE THOUSANDS OF SPIDERS BITE HIM AND LAY EGGS IN HIS SKIN

101. FEED HIM TO JIMMY HERNANDEZ