haha já
All the while, Max Payne shows signs of survivor's guilt, and makes his situation a paradox - though he considers (perhaps rightfully) his life to have ended “in a New York minute”, he exhibits a strong desire to live, despite his inner monologue which describes his dark and utterly somber view of the world and his desire to actually be dead. While desperately wanting to die in order to see his family again, he also wishes to live in order to claim his revenge.
Let me in, I’ll bury the pain