Þetta er EINA greinin sem EITTHVAÐ vit er í sem hefur sést á þessu áhugamáli síðan ÞESSI grein villtist inn á áhugamálið 20. september 2007 (hefði átt að fara inn á /baekur). Getiði hvað? Þessi viltist líka. Hún á alfarið heima inni á /humor.

Julius Henry Marx fæddist 2. október 1890 sem er einum degi á undan afmælisdegi mínum en lést 19. ágúst 1977 - sem er 6 árum og 6 dögum eftir að móðir mín fæddist. Hann er best þekktur fyrir sitt hlutverk sem Groucho Marx, Amrískur gamanleikari og leikari, frægastur fyrir verk sín í teyminu "Marx Bræðurnir" og einnig fyrir verk sem hann samdi einn.

Þetta er fyndnasti maður sem ég hef nokkurntíman lesið um eða eitthvað eftir. Ég ætlaði ekkert að fræða ykkur um hann en ég ætlaði að sýna ykkur frábæra hluti sem hann hefur sagt yfir ævi sína í kvikmyndum jafnt sem utan þeirra.

Hann notfærir sér oft frábæran orðaleik. Misfyndið allt en hnittið þó.

Frábær quote:



When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay!

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Mr. Grover [Í starfsmannaviðtali]: What experience have you had at a department store?
Wolf J. Flywheel (Groucho): I was a shoplifter for three years.

A likely story - and probably true!

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

I sent a club a wire stating, “PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER”.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter! Someday I intend reading it.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception!

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

I don't have a photograph. I'd give you my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks.
(Þegar hann var beðinn um mynd af sjálfum sér fyrir skilríki)

I find telivision very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.

Die my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!
Síðustu orð hans ={

Frá kvikmyndinni The Cocoanuts:
We'll put free sheets on all the beds, there'll be no cover charge.

No, my friends. No, money will never make you happy, and happy will never make you money. That might be a wisecrack, but I doubt it.

Hello, Cocoanut Arms. Yes, we have a dining room. If it's fish, we have it. If it's meat, we have it. If it's fowl, we've had it too long.

Ice water? Eat an onion. That'll make your eyes water!

Be free my friends. One for all and all for me, and me for you, and three for give, and six for a quarter.

Frá kvikmyndinni Monkey_Business
I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce - and so will my wife.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Frá kvikmyndinni Horse Feathers (þið megið bara leita að Wikipedia greininni sjálf, rosalegt vesen að skrifa þessa klausu!):

Whatever it is, I'm against it!

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.

Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.

Baravelli, you've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Frá kvikmyndinni A Day at the Races:

(Á meðan hann tekur púlsinn af öðrum karakter)
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!

Hey, don't drink that poison! That's $4.00 an ounce!

Send some roses up to Mrs Upjohn and put “Emily, I love you” on the back of the bill.

Ekki úr neinni kvikmynd/óvitað:

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of his head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.

Age is not a particularly interesting subjet. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

An apprentice mortician? What, do you only bury live people?

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?

Eventually I smoked Havanas. A cigar makers' organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I don't know if that's true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends… may they never meet!

I cannot say that I do not disagree with you.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions — the curtain was up.

I drink to make other people interesting.

I have nothing but respect for you, and not much of that.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I made a killing on Wall Steet a few years ago…I shot my broker.

I remember the first time I had sex — I kept the receipt.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

I'm not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.

It's nice to have met you, and I've got nobody to blame but myself.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

My favourite poem is the one that starts “Thirty days hath September” because it actually tells you something.

My mother loved children. She would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother treated us all equally … with contempt.

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Now, there's a man with an open mind. You can feel the breeze from here.

Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah? He used to live in whales for a while.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

That kid's so smart, he could be the fifth Marx Brother.
Comment á Woody Allen

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

The only game I like to play is Old Maid — provided she's not too old.

The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made.

There is only one way to find out if a man is honest…ask him. If he says ‘yes’, you know he is crooked.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Time wounds all heels.
(sumir segja að John Lennon hafi sagt þetta)

We should pull out. Which is what Nixon’s father should have done.

When I heard about Hair, I was kind of curious about the six naked primates on stage. So I called up the box office and they said tickets were $11 apiece. That's an awful price to pay. I went into the bathroom at home and took off all my clothes and looked in the mirror for five minutes. And I said, “This isn't worth $11.”

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, that's why I'm sitting here with you - because you remind me of you!
(Frá A Night at the Opera)

Will it play in Peoria?

Will you marry me? are you rich? awnser the second question first.

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

Æji ég nenni ekki að skrifa meira. Á þessum tímapunkti fattaði ég að ég ætti að útskýra af hverju ég ætti að skrifa þessa grein og útskýri það í fyrstu línum þessara greina - og datt inn í LoveStar hugleiðingar og ég ætla að lesa hana aftur.

Lesiði LoveStar, eða þarna.. Sjálfshjálparbók fyrir hrædda þjóð eða hvað sem hún heitir. Frábærar bækur sem ég hefði átt að lesa oftar en einu sinni en ætla að bæta úr því.

Heimildir:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groucho_Marx
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Groucho_Marx