Why?

why are my here?
ive been offle depressed lately. I cant seem to find the reason anymore.
i have been feeling bad everyday since i was about 11 years old.
at first i knew why. i had just moved from my home town to the big city.
i had no friends. no one to talk to. no one to play with or hang out
with. life was simply… boring. but now i im almost 15 years old and i
have lots of friends and i am quite popular in my school. i have a great
looking girlfriend. shes all i have ever imagened, simply meant for me.
but now… i dont know. even she cant satisfy what i need. i just keep
going more and more down and the world gets darker and darker.

Why?

does it help to have company of others?
i have never liked people. ofcourse i like my friends and i like spending
time with them. i love my girlfriend and i want to be with her forever.
but what is that? feelings? i never liked spending time with people
because everytime i go outside and meet other people i hefto put on a
different personality… a different mask. ive never liked to change
masks. i dont want to wear a mask i just wanna be myself. but can people
accept that? is it healthy to be different? i dont know.
wearing the happy funny guy mask has never been hard for me. although
i often do it. it stings. i can never wear it to long. i hefto take it
off but to do that i hefto get away from all the people. be alone.

i dont like people.

Why?

''Why'' is the worst word in the dictionary.
why are my here?
why am i like this?
why does it hefto be this way?
why cant just everybode leave me alone?
why are me even here?
why did i come into this world
why cant i just die?
yes. why cant i just die? is it because im to weak to take my own life?
are my a coward? people say there is always something to live for.
is that true? ive got a great family, great friends and a wonderfull
girlfriend but still i want to take my own life. but whats the point to
that? maybe the chinese are right. maybe there is a life after this one.
what then? do i kill me self again and etc etc? i have tried to kill
myself twice. hanging from a rope. but when i was about to do it i got
this feeling… feeling that i had to live on more. just for a little
while longer. it couldnt hurt. if it gets worse ill simply take my own
life.

Why?