Sofus, The Camel
Once upon a time there was a camel. This camel had 3 lumps on his back & ate nothing but raisins. He loved the smell of Tip-Ex and painted his walls with it three times a week. But every other week Rana came over and scraped off all the dried-up Tip-Ex and aired out all the smell. That made Sofus very sad. But still he kept on painting the walls with Tip-Ex. It just smelled so good.
Once when Beula, who recently crawled out of a big heap of cowpooh, came to visit. She didn´t bring Sofus any Tip-Ex like she usually did. She said her father stopped throwing up so she couldn´t get it anymore. That made Sofus even more sad than Rana´s every other week cleanup.
Sofus became depressed. With every passing moment Rana´s cleanup drawed near. He became so depressed that he couldn´t even eat chocolateraisins with butter and pineapple. He couldn´t even eat raisins with ice-cream, sirop, fried chicken & noodles and drink diet-pepsi with it! Or deepfried raisins with marmelade & crackers! Beula felt really bad about this so she went and poisoned Rana so that she couldn´t come and scrape off the Tip-Ex!
But that didn´t do the trick…. Even though Rana got really sick and couldn´t eat her favourite food, shining hastlenut with shimmering pastasouce, and spent her whole day over the toilet throwing up and playing Sonic in her Sega Mega Drive 2 computer she couldn´t leave Sofus´ Tip-Exed walls alone. She sent her little brother with a window scraper and a small basket and asked him to collect every single raisin hidden in Sofus´ home in the basket and then scrape the Tip-Ex off his walls.
Brian went along happily, ´cause he was only 4 years old, wearing a pink linen shirt & pants that his father´s uncle, or his grandfather´s brother, had worn when he proposed to Lilith, his ex-wife, and she said yes but ditched him at the wedding and then he also killed himself wearing those very trousers and asked specifficly that he would be burried in them, and he was, but that´s a whole other story….
When Brian got to Sofus´ home he scraped all the Tip-Ex off his walls and put it in the basket, the he found all the raisins that had piled up over the period of time that Sofus couldn´t eat chocolateraisins with butter and pineapple, raisins with ice-cream, sirop, fried chicken & noodles and drink diet-pepsi with it nor even deepfried raisins with marmelade and crackers, and glued them on the walls. Then he left the basket with the scraped off Tip-Ex and wrote a note that said: ‘U NEU SMEL’ and skipped happily home to Rana, thinking about his job well done.
When he told Rana what he had done she kicked him in the ear and said; ‘There are two ‘L’ in ‘smell’ and you write ‘W’ in ‘new’ AND you write ‘you’ not ‘U’, you stupid, little shithole!!’ and then complimented him for his job well done.
When Sofus came back to himself, but the hair on the back of Brian´s neck had hypnotized him, he saw the raisins on his walls & thought; ‘What a splendid idea!!’ and licked the walls over & over again! Then he found the basket with the Tip-Ex and the note and he read; ‘You´re new smell’ just like Brian wanted. ‘What a marvelous idea!’ And Sofus mixed the Tip-Ex with water and got out of it pure milk that he put in bottles that had originally contain hairwax that his grandfather´s son, or technicly his father, had used during the great war of ´86 that roamed the city of Karþagó for many, many centuries, and Glúmur the camel, or Sofus´ dad, broadcasted…. enough of that, that´s a whole other story!
Anyway, Sofus poured the milk in those bottles and used it as a perfume! ‘Now it will last longer and I´ll always be high, even when I leave my house!’
But Kesof wasn´t happy. It said that the Tip-Ex perfume would destroy the moon. Of course Sofus was startled but he didn´t stop using the perfume, even though Kesof threatened to kill Beula. Soooooooo Kesof trapped Beula in a goat trap, sprayed her with Pepsi-Max and cowered her in horsepooh. (She cried out for mercy when he sprayed her with the Pepsi-Max ´cause her greatgrandmother´s niece had died, suffocated, while trying to eat oreos, ketchup & drink Pepsi-Max but it got stuck in her throat and although Tidanus tried to get it out by cutting her throat and pull it out she died and Beula´s family had been scared of Pepsi-Max ever since….)
Beula, Sofus´ only friend, was gone but Sofus didn´t care. He was too stoned to even realize it!
‘What a great day!’ he thought one rainy morning when wolfs were crawling on his windows & eating his mailbox. ‘I think I´ll go out for a walk.’
He put on his Tip-Ex perfume, combed his lumps, for you remember, he´s a camel, and opened the door. The wolfs greated him courtiesly and then kept on chewing his mailbox and crawling on his windows, who Lexus, the great king of western Egypt had put up with Sofus´ dad.
He walked down the road that lead to Beula´s place. ‘Maybe I can get some raisins with ketchup at Beula´s?!’ he thought and walked happily along the road. In the distance he could see Beula´s short and purple little house, with white beard and corn for windows but no little Lindberg´s were lit. (Lindberg´s are the type of lightballs that Beula used to smash on the wall to create the ultimate shining carpet). He was surprised but didn´t really give a fuck. He wanted raisins with ketchup so bad that he was willing to screw the little moose that lived underneath the floor in Brender´s school, but that very floor was the cause of all the eartquakes that shook the northpole during the last season of golfball, but that´s a whole other story.
Finally he wound up swimming to his knees in coughdrops at Beula´s home, but he didn´t care, cause at the end of the hall he saw a raisintree and a ketchupfosset!!! This was Sofus´ paradise!
And since that day he´s been sitting there, getting fatter and fatter every passing moment eating chocolateraisins with butter & pineapple, raisins with ice-cream, sirop, fried chicken and noddles and drink diet-pepsi with it and deepfried raisins with marmelade & crackers!!
The Ends
vá hvað ég verð hissa ef þessi verður samþykkt! ;)
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