The next time you're having a bad day, imagine you're a Siamese twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder is gay and you're not. But you only have one ass. Feel better? I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality. When I was a kid, my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he...

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence? 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the...

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European Communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year Phased Plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). 2003 In the first year, “s”; will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly,...

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, “I'm off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to….” “Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,” Mrs. Smith cut in. “Really?” the photographer asked. “Well, good! I've...