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Erba Notandi frá fornöld Kvenmaður
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Tilgangslausar stadreyndir (2 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Chevy Nova Awards These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. “No va” means, of course, in Spanish, “it doesn't go”. 1. The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?” 2. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where...

Hefndin er gód (4 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Jack, a lawyer, lies dying with his partner of 40 years by his bedside. “Mike, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade.” “Relax,” says Mike, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini

GÖtukisur (10 álit)

í Kettir fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Ég bý núna útí Barcelona og til ad halda sambandi vid vini og vandamenn fer ég nokkud oft á netcafé sem er í Born hverfinu (nálaegt dýragardinum) en jaeja ég hef tekid eftir thví ad thad er svakalega mikid af flaekingskisum hérna og mér finnst thad rosalega sorglegt! Thad er svona port rétt hjá caféinu og fyrir thví er stórt járnrimlahlid og thad inni búa um 10 flaekingskettir. Thegar ég kom thangad um daginn hafdi einhver hennt in Doritos poka og kisurnar voru ad borda Doritosid svo svangar...

Helvíti (11 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 9 mánuðum

Jón deyr og fer til helvítis….. thegar hann er búin ad skrá sig inn segir yfirpúkinn…jaeja vid erum nú mjog mannúdlegir hérna og leifum fólki ad velja í hvada herbergi thad vill eyda eilífdinni….thú getur valid um thrjú herbergi: jaeja hann fer af stad og kíkir inn í fyrsta herbergid.. thar er fullt af fólki sem stendur í kúaskít upp fyrir mitti, honum líst nú ekkert sérlega vel á thad og bidur um ad fá ad sjá naesta herbergid thad stendur fólk í kúaskít og hlandi upp á háls, honum finnst...

ljóð?? (1 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 23 árum, 10 mánuðum

Blómin á akrinum Dansa í takt við vindinn svíf ég í loftfirrtri frumuöndun

Launmorðinginn ;) (7 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 11 mánuðum

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing was done there were three finalists… Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!” The man said, “You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The...

ANGEL ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE (4 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 11 mánuðum

Not long ago and not far away Santa was getting ready for his annual trip…but there were problems every where… four of the elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule….then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit… this stressed Santa even more… when he went to harness the reindeer he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence...

Stærðfræði og staðreyndir (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 11 mánuðum

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the...

Dökkhærð eða hvað? (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 11 mánuðum

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and tells him that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.” She takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams in agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams, pushes on her ankle and screams…and so it goes. No matter where she touches her agony is apparent The doctor says, “You're not really a brunette, are you? You're really a blonde.” She sheepishly admits that indeed she is a blonde. “I...

Karlmenn pffffff ;) allir eins ;) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 11 mánuðum

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some of the males actually join in. One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. “STOP!”, he said in a firm voice. “Have you got a license for that...

I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN... (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 11 mánuðum

…the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me. …the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area. …my assistant began responding to my memos with, “Yeah, whatever.” …I got a “It's for you loser” .wav receiving e-mail, & not a chime. …my new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-16 last weekend. …the Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest record. …the Boss asked if I still had a copy of my 5 year contract. …I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I...

Oscar de la hoya (12 álit)

í Box fyrir 23 árum, 12 mánuðum

hmmmm ég villtist á skjá einn um daginn og sá þar þátt með Jay leno þar sem Oscar var að fara að syngja……. og ég er kvennkyns og alltaf svolítið veik fyrir að sjá flotta kroppa performera þannig að ég beið eftir því að sjá goðið syngja! jæja ég hefði nú alveg geta sleppt því…. ok maðurinn er ykt fallegur, geðveikur í hringnum en hann getur EKKI sungið fyrir fimmaura! Allt annað ef hann hefði ákveðið að taka einhvern diskó ofurhuga smell eins og rikky martin en þetta Micel Bolton bull var sko...

Gamlar og Ungar (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 24 árum

An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, “Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!” About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destiny...

Nunnubrandari ;) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 24 árum

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.” She answers, “My dear son,you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.” “Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on...

Einnar nætur gaman ;) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 24 árum

One Night Stand A decent man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.” On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note: Dear Madam,...

?? svolítið vafasamur?? (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 24 árum

Maður gengur inn á skrifstofu hjá samstarfskonu sinni dregur djúft inn andann og segir henni að hár hennar ilmi vel ;) Eftir viku af svo löguðu þolir hún þetta ekki lengur og fer til yfirmann síns og segir honum að hún vilji kæra samstarfsmann sinn fyrir kynferðislega áreitni……. Yfirmaðurinn er ekki að skilja þetta og spyr ,,hvað er að því að samstarfsmaður þinn segi þér að hárið á þér lykti vel???" …. Hann er dvergur svarar konan…..

Afturköllun á sjálfstæði ;) (0 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 24 árum

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you...

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