Hugi.is - Notendur

Púkinn minnn (5 álit)

í Hundar fyrir 22 árum, 8 mánuðum

Ég bý erlendis og fyrir mánudi sídann var ég ad skoda bladid og sá thar auglýsingu um ad verid vaeri ad gefa rottweiler blondu hvolpa faedda 20.01 2002 og ég hringdi nú til ad fá ad sjá thá vildi bara fá ad taka frá eda eithvad nei nei ég og kaerastinn minn fórum í langa lestarferd til ad sjá hvolpana endudum í hálf skuggalegu hverfi og bidum thar eftir ad gaurinn med hundinn kaemi og sótti okkur. Vid bidum og bidum og loksins kom gaurinn á gulum sportbíl, hann stekkur út og spyr okkur hvort...

Míkró (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 5 mánuðum

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said ‘WHERE AM I?’ in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their...

Maedur (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 5 mánuðum

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I've got you, both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12...

Kaldhaednin (5 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 5 mánuðum

Two men meet at the pearly gates of heaven. The first man says to the second, “Hey! How did you die?” The second man says, “I froze to death.” “Wow that must be a terrible way to die. What does it feel like?” asks the first man. “Well at first it hurts,” says the second man, “But after a while everything goes numb and it's very peaceful. Like drifting off to sleep almost. How did you die?” “Oh I had a heart attack,” says the first man. “You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me. So I came...

Sumir Redda sér (4 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 6 mánuðum

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wifeinterrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now”. He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have an Electricity Board logo printed on my forehead?… I don't think so.” “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly”. To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have ‘Hotpoint’ written on my forehead?…… I don't think...

einn med heimthrá (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 6 mánuðum

TRUCKER A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!“ The Madam is astonished. ”But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal.“ The trucker replies, ”Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick

geimverur (7 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 6 mánuðum

ALIENS Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pumps of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, “Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you...

Element Name: MAN (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: 180+ Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KID (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time....

Element Name: WOMAN (3 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at any thing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly...

Ég veit sannleikann........ (1 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth” even when you don't know anything. The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don't tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets...

Ekki stíga á endurnar (6 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven…don't step on the ducks.” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says “Your punishment for stepping...

Hafmeyja (5 álit)

í Húmor fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Three guys are having a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid – who begs to be set free, in return for granting each of them a wish. One of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, “Okay, if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.” The mermaid says, “Done.” Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly, and analyzing what he's recited with great insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, “Triple my I.Q.” The mermaid says,...

Agnes (4 álit)

í Myndasögur fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Var ad surfa á netinu og fór inn á Dilbert.com sem er hetjan min well…..fyrir utan Garfield.com og inná Dilbert thá er haegt ad velja um fullt og fullt af teiknimyndasogum til ad skoda til daemis ein sem heitir agnes!!!! thetta er SNILLD!!!!! ég sit hérna á Internetcafé og veltist um af hlátri og thad er bara horft á mig !!! veit einhver hvar er haegt ad nálgast blod med thessari sogu í ????????? Einnig maeli ég med joecartoon.com sérstaklega ef thid erud med góda tolvu !!!!!

HÖzzl á djammi vitleysa eda..... (19 álit)

í Djammið fyrir 23 árum, 7 mánuðum

Nú er ég ung stúlkukind á besta aldri t.e. á thrítugsaldrinum og hef nú gert minn skerf af thví ad hozzla á djamminu……. Mín reynsla er ad djammhozzl endast ekki……. hver kannast ekki vid thad ad vakna upp morguninn eftir og vera kanski ekki alveg viss um hvad manneskjan heitir sem liggur vid hlidina á thér…. eda hvar thú nádir í hana……. Ég hef adeins átt í einu djammhozzli sem hefur enst eithvad en thad var afthví ad ég var ekki thad drukkin……. eda eithvad fyrsta skiptid sem vid hittumst… og...

Bluebird (0 álit)

í Ljóð fyrir 23 árum, 8 mánuðum

Veit einhver eftir hvern thetta ljód er??????? there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him, I say, stay in there, I'm not going to let anybody see you. there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there. there's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I'm too tough for him, I say, stay down, do you want to...