Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried…ever
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims “6 Feet of Fun” is actually the trademark for his penis.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.
Chuck Norris' only pick up line is him snapping his fingers, pointing at a girl, and then pointing to his bulge. Chuck Norris gets it all the time.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the shit out of little kids.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris ends every relationship with “Its not me, its you”.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left leg and his right leg. At the same time.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.
Chuck Norris' bologna has no first name.
Women never say no to Chuck Norris. Even if they don't want to, they know its eventually gonna happen.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is Courage?” Chuck Norris received an “A+” for writing only the words “Chuck Norris” and promptly turning in the paper.
Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I'm Feeling Lucky!”.
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