Kanski old en geðveikt fyndnir að mínu mati =)


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Job at the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews
And testing were done, there were 3 finalists; Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of The men to a large metal door and handed Him a gun
'We must know that you will follow your Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'


The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could
Never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.'


The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. Al l was
Quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried,
But I can’t kill my wife.' The agent said, ‘You don’t
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'


Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one
After another. They heard screaming, crashing,
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
Quiet . The door opened slowly and there stood the
Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.


'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. ‘I had to
Beat him to death with the chair.’


—————————————-

A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asks.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offers. “Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.

I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,

‘Leave her alone now or you’ll answer to me.’”

St. Peter was impressed.

“When did this happen?”

“Just a few minutes ago.”

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A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past ,
looks up and says “Hey Koala ! what are you doing?”
The koala says: “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.”
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’ and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks
the little lizard: “What's the matter with you?”
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in
the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where
the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says “Hey you!”
So the koala looks down at him and says:
“Fuuuuck dude…….how much water did you drink?!!”