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RASISMI
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What do you call a nigger with a peg leg?
Shit on a stick! -joe
Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
Because they have pubes on their heads! -Bo
What does Pontiac stand for?
Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac! -ricky
Did you hear the one about . .
. . the baby nigger who went to heaven and got his wings? He said, “God! Look! I'm an angel!”, and God said, “No you stupid nigger! You're a bat, now eff off!”
I like black people . . .
. . I used to have some black friends ‘till my dad sold them!
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods! -ashmoor
Why do blacks have white hands and feet?
They were on all fours when God spray painted them!
Why do black people have white hands?
They were up against the wall when God spray painted them!
Why do black people have white hands?
Everyone has some good in them! -bonz
Why do black people have white hands?
It rubs off the cop cars! -bonz
Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter?
They’re easier to spot! -brenden
What do you call two blacks on one bike?
Organized crime! -bobo
Why are niggers getting stronger?
T.V.s are getting bigger! -tim
What happened to the nigger who had an abortion?
Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500! -tim
Why don't nigger bitchs wear panties to picnics?
To keep the flies away from the chicken! -michael
What's the difference between a truck full of baby niggers and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork!
What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Buy Us
What does FUBU stand for?
Farmers Used to Beat Us
Why don't sharks eat niggers?
They think its whale shit!
Why do niggers call white people “honkies”?
Thats the last sound they hear before they get hit! -davey
What do they do with dead niggers in California?
Gut them to make wetsuits! -kara
Why does L.A. have so many fags and N.Y. so many niggers?
L.A. had first choice! -David
What do you call a chinese nigger with AIDS?
Coon Die Soon - David
What does NAACP stand for?
Niggers Against All Caucasian People
What does NAACP stand for?
Now Apes Are Called People -Brandon
When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face?
When her mustache is on fire! -joe
What do you call an arab standing between two buildings?
Ali! -Bob
What do you call a pretty Paki?
Asif! -Josh
Why is the Afghan air force so easy to train?
You only have to teach them how to take off!
Why aren't there any Wal*Marts in Afghanistan?
Because there's a Target on every corner! -O'Donovan
What do you call a peice of sandpaper in Afghanistan?
A map! -O'Donovan
Failed Afghan recruitment slogans:
Be Allah you can be!
Martyrs have more fun!
Free camoflage turbans! Sign up today!
Uncle oSAMa wants you!
What do you call a guy with his hand up a camels ass?
An Afghani mechanic! -will
Why don't they teach Drivers Ed. and Sex Ed. on the same day in the middle east?
The camels would get too tired!
What's 20 feet long and wrapped around a cunt?
A turban! -David
Why are camels the submarines of the desert?
They're full of Iraqi semen! -luke
What's the difference between an American girl and an arab girl?
American girls get stoned before they commit adultery.
How do you know if a chink robbed your house?
Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the chink is still trying to back out of your driveway! -Kris
Why is a gook like a computer?
They both only see bits! -hector
How do you blindfold a gook?
Dental floss!
What's the difference between a Jap and Jello?
Jello wiggles when you eat it.
What do you call a gook with one testicle?
Whatwentwong. -Alan
What do you call a fat chinaman?
A Chunk! -Mike
One day it was decided to build a bridge from Europe to America. The U.N. set up three representatives to design and build it. One American, one German and one Chinese. After a month the U.N. leader came to check out the progress. He say the American and German sitting on the ground and asks what they're doing. They tell him the design is finished, but they're waiting for the Chinaman with the supplies. The U.N. leader walks around looking for the Chinaman. When he turns the corner he is startled when the Chinaman jumps out from behind a rock yelling, “Supplies! Supplies!”. (Gook talk for Surprise! Surprise!)
How do you blind a chinese person?
Put a windshield in front of them. -M
What do you call kids whose parent's are white and mexican?
Crackers and beans! - Blade
What do you call a little mexican?
A paragraph, because he's not quite an essay. -Mike
Why aren't there any spics on Star Trek?
They won't work in the future either!
What do you call a gang of spics running down a hill?
Jailbreak!
Why do blacks put their garbage in clear bags?
So puerto ricans can window shop! -jesse
Why do spics drive lowriders?
So they can drive while they pick strawberries.
What do you call a mexican getting baptised?
Bean dip! -shaun
What do you call a building full of spics?
A jail! -kris
What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan!
What do you call a spic with a rubber toe?
Roberto!
How do you kill a mexican?
Throw a quarter off a cliff. -slater
What do you get when you breed a black and a mexican?
A theif who's too lazy to steal!
Why don't mexicans have barbecues?
The beans keep falling through the grill! -ronnie
What did the spic say when his home fell on him?
Get off me holmes!! -habitat
How do you find the richest spic in town?
Drop a penny, whoever catches it is the richest spic!
Why do mexicans eat tamales on christmas?
So they'll have something to unwrap!
Why were there only 40,000 mexicans at the Alamo?
They only have two cars!
How do you start a mexican parade?
Roll a quarter down the street! -Elden
A mexican and a nigger are riding in car . . who's driving?
A cop!
How do you hide money from a mexican?
Hide it under a bar of soap! -Christina
Why is there no mexican olympic team?
All the spics who can run, jump or swim are in the U.S.!
Why is a spic like a pizza?
They're both small, greasy and speak no english!
What is a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed! -c
Why do mexicans like tiny steering wheels?
It make it easier to drive while handcuffed! -Gogo
What do you call a mexican hitchhiker?
Joaquin, or El Paso
What do you call four mexicans who can't swim?
Quatro Sinco -Brielle
What does one fag say to another fag going on vacation?
Can I help you pack your shit? -Joel
How do you know when you're in a gay church?
Only half the congregation kneels to pray! -Robyn
What's the most common pickup line in a gay bar?
May I push your stool in? -Pete
What does AIDS stand for?
Anally Injected Death Sentence. -Pete
A lesbian goes into a brothel and asks for the prettiest, youngest girl availible. The owner replies, “Sorry, we don't sell minors to lickers”
How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
The hotdogs taste like shit!
Four fags are sitting in a hot tub. They notice some sperm rising to the surface. One fag says, “Ok, who farted?”
How do you fit three gays on one barstool?
Turn it upside-down! -syanide-mike
What do you call a ship full of fags?
The navy! -Jake
What do you call a gay guy in a wheelchair?
Rolaids -Chris
What's the difference between a refridgerator and a fag?
The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out! -zeiglar
What did one gay sperm say to the other?
How are we ever gonna find an egg in all this shit?
What do you call a mix between a Homo and a Dinosaur?
A Mega-sore-ass! -Tom
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A “Lickalotapus” - Otto
What kind of dog would a lesbian never have?
A weiner dog! - Liz
Why'd the fag get fired from the sperm bank?
They caught him drinking on the job - Otto
What do you call a lesbian eskimo?
A Klondike - otto
What's the first symptom of AIDS?
A sharp, stabbing pain in your rectum. - fat ginger
What did the gay fireman say on 9/11?
It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men! AMEN!!!! - jahjah
What's Hitlers least favorite planet?
'Jewpiter' -Ben
Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven!
Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips
How do you get 100 jews into a car?
Throw a quarter in it.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them Hilter is driving.
How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.
How do you know you have a queer Jew?
He likes money more than girls.
Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
It stops on a dime, then picks it up
What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
Free pork
Whey do Jews have such big noses?
Cuz all the airs free.
Whats the object of Jewish football?
To get the quarter back.
How was copper wire invented?
2 Jews fighting over the same penny
What language does Jewish homo speak?
Heblew
What did the little German boy get for his birthday?
Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew
Hows Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes?
They put parking meters on the roof.
Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years?
They heard that someone dropped a quarter
What do you call a room full of jewish women with yeast infections?
A whine and cheese party.
Whats Jewish doggy style?
You beg for half an hour and the princess rolls over and plays dead.
What happens when a Jew with an errection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose. - Mandy
What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A jew with a coupon. - John
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Yo mama !
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o mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is “Lardo”
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat were in her right now
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her…
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”
Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn”
Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read “one at a time, please”
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago…
Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!
Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say “Taxi!”
Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
Yo mama so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it!
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.
Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.
Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo mama so fat shes on both sides of the family
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo mama so fat when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
Yo mama so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo mama so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.
Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean…..
Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.
Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
Yo mama so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, “Who threw that rock?”
Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Yo Mama So Ugly
she put the Boogie man outta business.
she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, “Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already…”
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her ‘NO Professionals’
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted ‘What a treasure!“ and her Poppa said ”Yes, now let’s go and bury her…“
they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours….and that was just for the quote!
yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye…
she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock…
even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
her shadow gave up.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her…
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
they gave her a middle name…'accident'.
she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her…
when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
You Momma so Ugly that she's got her very own Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags named after her…
Anything Yo's - So Ugly…
Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.
Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs sh*t themselves.
Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics
Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.
Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.
Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.
Yo Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.
Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!
Your Kid sister so damn ugly that when she sits on a sand dune at the beach, the cats try to bury her.
You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
Yo Driving Instructor's so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask when teaching.
Yo Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.
Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!
Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!
Yo' Father in law so ugly that his American Express card left home without him…
Yo Sister's so ugly that she must been conceived on the Motorway - ain't that where most accidents happen?
Yo Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second…
Your sister-in-law so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.
Yo Father's so ugly his hairline ain't receding…it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.
You Grandma's so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.
Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.
Yo' Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he'd rather live as a frog.
Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.
Yo Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.
Your Dog's so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards…
Yo mama's so ugly, hold on….you got a mirror handy???
Yo Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.
Yo Uncle so ugly, Spielberg wants him in Addams Family 3
Your kid so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.
Yo Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering making ugliness a crime, punishable by the electric chair
Yo Momma's so ugly that she hurt my feelings…
Your doctor's so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!
told her drinks were on the house…so she went and got a ladder…
she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
she noticed a sign reading ‘Wet Floor’…so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, ”Wow, it comes with cable too!“
she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund…
she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
she invented a silent car alarm.
that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies…
she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.
she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
she lost her shadow.
she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.
when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me…'Which colour?'
You Momma so Stupid that they even make Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags she can understand
Anything Yo's - So Damn Stupid…
Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!
Yo Postman so stupid that on his recorded delivery form where it says ‘Don’t write below dotted line', he puts ‘OK’
Yo teacher so stupid she booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.
Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody in the department solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout…
Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene was another golf course.
Your Kid Sister so damn stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a Hot Dog.
Yo' Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her period.
Yo Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler
Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone company.
Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.
Your kid bro so stupid he try to strangle himself with his mobile phone.
Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis….Phil Collins old band…
Your Kid sister so damn stupid she stands up on an empty School bus.
Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb…it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama
Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps
You cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage…so he moved house…
Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to Disneyworld, saw a sign that said ”Disneyworld Left“ so drove home.
Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.
Yo' accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.
Your Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy's with magnets
Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest
Yo Archeology Professor so damn stupid they have to dig for her IQ!
Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes at Stupid College.
Yo' Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo Sister's so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone.
Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him a haircut
Your Big Sister so god awfully stupid that they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 3rd grade.
Yo Father's so freakin stupid he has 1 toe on each foot, yet he just bought himself a pair of flip flops.
You Grandma's so stupid when I tell her it's chilly outside, she goes to fetch a bowl.
Your Grandpa so freakin stupid he sent me a fax with a 1st class stamp on it!
Yo BT Telephone repairman so freakin stupid he asked me what the number for 999 was…
Yo girlfriend so stupid when her Apple Mac says ‘You’ve got mail” she runs outside to wait for the Postman
Yo Uncle so astonishingly stupid that he thought Nestle Cheerio's were a new type of Donut Seed
Yo Auntie so dumb her weekly shopping list consist of 1 item - ‘Hundreds and thousands’
Your Dog's so stupid he bury's his own tail
Yo mama's so stupid, wait…she had you didn't she!
Yo Mother in law so stupid I saw her in Safeway's frozen food section with a fishing rod
Yo Uncle so stupid…heck, he marry your Auntie for christ sake!
Yo Priest so stupid I saw him worshiping at the feet of David Copperfield
Yo Reverand so stupid he asks David Ike for advice
Yo Grannie so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close…
Yo Mother in law so hellishly stupid, that Tony Blair is considering making dumbness a crime, punishable by lethal injection.
Your doctor's so stupid he uses his mp3 player as a stethoscope
that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing….'Moving' she replied.
I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said ‘Ding-Dong’
I asked her where the ‘facilities were’ and she replied - “Pick a corner…ANY corner…”
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - “Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!”
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said “Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right…”
only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted…
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - “Lost a shoe?”, and she said - “Nope…just found one…”
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley….with a box on it…
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I went into her ‘living room’, stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - “Oi, who turned off the heater!”
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - “Who knocked???”
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - “Don't use the good china”
You Momma so Poor it took her 10 years to pay for a 5 dollar Crazy Prank & Hilarious Gag set…
Anything Yo's - So Poor…
You're so poor even Beggars give you money.
Yo Grannie so damn poor she bounces food stamps.
Your Teachers so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.
Yo Priest so poor he uses cardboard and ribena as bread and wine substitutes.
Yo Doctor so poor, he uses chewing gum as a bandaid.
You family so poor you's live in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.
Yo sister is so po…sh*t, she can't even afford them last 2 letters!
Yo Dentist is so poor she uses white-out/tippex as your tooth filler.
Yo' Cleaner so poor she can't afford a mop - she stands on her head in order to mop the floor…
Yo Poppa so poor his idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the ‘yellow snow’…and yo loved it, didn't ya!
You Star Wars friend so insanely poor that I walked into his house, asked to use the bathroom, and he handed me a shovel saying: “May the force be with you.”
Yo Father so poor that when I aks him what for dinner, he take off his shoelaces and says - Spaghetti!
Yo older sis getting so poor she's planning on getting married…just so she can get the rice at the wedding.
Your lecturer so poor he uses his cardboard box as a blackboard.
Yo' so poor, you get more government handouts than an English farmer
Yo' best friend so poor he have to fart just to get a scent (cent).
Yo Gossiping wife so poor she can't even afford to put her two cents into this conversation…
Yo Grannie so poor that when I asked her what's for dinner, she tried to throw ME in the oven!
Yo' Mommy so poor I went over for dinner, saw 3 beans on the table…took one and she said - “Don't be greedy!”
You Auntie's so poor she gotta live in a 2-story Dorritos bag…
Yo big brother so freakin poor I stepped on his old banged up skateboard and he yelled - “Get off my F****in CAR”
Yo Computer geek friend so poor he uses a Commodore 64 to surf the web.
Your pimp so poor he just bought an imitation of a fake Rolex
Yo Reverand so poor the congregation run over animals outside the church just to help with food…
Yo Gardener's so damn poor that when I pissed in his yard he thanked me for watering the lawn…
Yo Mama's so damn poor, her front porch matt says ‘Wel’…
You so piss poor…hold on, you don't have a pot to piss in or even a window to throw it out of…
Yo Uncle so poor I went into his house, swatted a pesky firefly and he screamed - “Who turned out the lights?”
Yo Nana so sickenly poor I walks into her house, asked to use the toilet and she hand me 2 large sticks. I ask what they're for and she says: “Use one to hold up the ceiling…use the other to fight off the cockroaches…”
Yo half-sister so damn poor even the Republicans were willing to give her welfare.
——————–
Karlrembubrandar
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Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me….”
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't…there's a clock on the oven!
I date this girl for two years – and then the nagging starts: “I wanna know your name…”
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course…at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
One golfer tells another: “Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!” The other replies: “GREAT trade!”
What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What's on the TV?” and I said, “Dust!”
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LOLCat eru myndir….og ég hata þær :D
————————
PEDOS !
————
Q:What's the best part about fucking a 12yr old in the shower?
A: Slickin' her hair back and making her look 9.
I like my woman the same as my whiskey.
Aged 13 yrs and mixed up with coke.
Q: Best part about fucking a 12 yr old girl
A: Flippin her over to make her look like a 8 yr old boy
Q: What's best part about fucking 27 year olds.
A: There's 20 of them.
how do you make a 5 year old girl cry twice?
wipe your bloody dick off with her teddy bear.
What did one pedophile say to the other?
“I'll give you two fives for a ten.”
A man goes into a drugstore and says to the druggist, “I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter.”
“Is your little girl sexually active?” asks the druggist.
“Nah, she just lays there like her mother.”
A man is taking a shower with his 6 year old daughter when she asks, “Daddy, what's that between your legs?”
“That's a Penis, honey.”
“When am I going to get one of those?” she asked, innocently.
“As soon as Mommy goes to the Mall.”
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DEAD BABY JOKES
—————-
* What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
* What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
* How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
* What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples
* How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
* Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
* What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
* What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.
* How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
* What do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gherkin?
A B*g Mac.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob
* What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
* How do you make a man pregnant?
Stick a dead baby up his ass!
* How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.
* How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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9/11 JOKES
——————-
“It's a bird!”
“It's a plane!”
“It's…. Oh shit, it IS a plane!”
Did you hear the one about American Airlines new deal? They’ll fly you straight from the airport to the office.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Knock knock!!
Knock knock who?
Knock knock knocked all your towers down!
Q: What is the New York City Fire Department's favorite song?
A: “It's Raining Men”
Q: What's Al Qaida's favorite football team?
A: The New York Jets
A fireman went home on 9/11 and told his wife that he almost died. “My buddy Stan and I were running toward one tower after the other one fell, he said, ”But then Stan got hit by a jumper! Thirty seconds later, the north tower collapsed. If Stan didn't get hit, we both would have been goners!“
The fireman's wife turned to him and said, ”Is this going to be a long story?“
Q: What does WTC stand for?
A: What Trade Centre?
Q: What's 9 divided by 11 divided by 01?
A: A good investment in real estate. (A temporary dip in the price of downtown real estate, followed by an almost 100% increase over the next five years.)
Q: What was the last thing going through Mr. Jones' head when he was working on the World Trade Center's 90th floor?
A: The 91st floor.
Q: What's the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
A: Their ankles.
Q: What color were Mohammed Atta's eyes?
A: Blue. One blue this way, the other blue that way!
Q: How many Americans died in 9/11?
A: Who gives a fuck?
Q: What's the biggest difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombing?
A: Foreigners once again prove they can do it better and more efficiently.
Q: When does a pentagon have four sides?
A: When it intersects a plane.
Have you heard about the decision about the memorial at the WTC site?
The city decided to go with an open park and the worlds largest franchise of the ”International House of Pancakes!“
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows since they keep jumping out the window when it gets too hot!
Q: How long does it take to reach the ground from 107 stories up?
A: The rest of your life!
Well, 9/11 sure proves one thing… New Yorkers can really come together in a crunch!
Q: What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
A: Two large planes!
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political grín sökkar
—————–
Emo jokes
—————
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3. One to replace it, & two to write a poem about how they miss the old one.
What do you say to an emo kid to make him cry outside the mall?
Anything.
Why did the emo kid cross the road?
To get a box of tissues.
So, an emo kid walks into a bar…
Then he quickly leaves to go home and write in his Livejounal about it.
How can you tell it’s an emo guy hitting on you and not a regular dude?
Instead of asking for your phone number, he asks for your poetry blog.
Why do emo kids always take the flight that leaves at midnight?
They prefer to take the red-eye.
What’s the difference between emo grass and normal grass?
Emo grass cuts itself.
What did the emo kid say to the other emo kid?
“Stop crying. You’re stealing all of the negative attention.”
What do emo kids use as birth control?
Their personalities.
If a blonde and an emo jump off a bridge, who drowns first?
The blonde- from the emo’s tears on the way down.
“Tickle Me Elmo was so last year. Now it’s…Cry With Me Emo!”
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ALLSKONAR BLANDA
————————
…..ilal teiknaðar myndassgöur…erfitt að sehja þannig brandara
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Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother…!!
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: What do the Gynecologist and the pizza delivery man have in common?
A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams
every night??
A: Hanson.
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's hand.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you
lose your house.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody
at the party except you.
Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: ”Honey, I'm home.“
Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?
A: You just KNOW she'll swallow.
Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same
day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelery.
Q: Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.
Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting
circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!
Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
A: Dating children.
Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
A: She knows she's given her last blow job.
Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. How do you find a blonde in long grass?
A. Pleasing
Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo!
Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is
bedtime?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand…
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ”quickie“, only you do it yourself.
Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What's a Japanese girl's favourite holiday?
A: Erection day.
Q: How can you tell if a valentine card is from a leper?
A: The tongue's still in the envelope.
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but
you just can't beat a blow job.
Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her
on the ass and say, ”You're next Baby… !“
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board A: It's
difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do seagulls have wings?
A: To beat the gypsies to the tip.
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So fat women can get laid too.
Q. How do you get three little old ladies to say the ”F“ word?
A. Have a fourth one yell ”Bingo!“
Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a hooker?
A: Your last blow job.
Q: Why did god create women?
A: Because dogs can't get beer out the fridge.
Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.
Q: What's the difference between a woman from Wigan and a walrus?
A: One's got a moustache and smells of fish and the other lives in the
sea.
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled ”coping with
darkness“
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.
Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.
Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem.
Q: Why was the washing machine laughing?
A: Because it was taking the piss out of the undies.
Q: What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?
A: Pat
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What's got four legs, and goes ”Woof"?
A: Piper Alpha.
Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a liquidizer.
Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.
Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler.
Q: What's got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog..
Q: What do you do if your boiler explodes?
A: Buy her some flowers.
Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
Q. What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A: Patient..!!
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/ENJOY
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Hugi notar vefkökur til að bæta notendaupplifun á vefsíðunni og greina umferð um hana.
Einnig hefur Hugi uppfært persónuverndarstefnu sína.