Það varð aftur hljóð í húsinu, þannig að þjófurinn hélt áfram að ganga inn stofuna.
“Jesús fylgist með þér,” heyrðist aftur skyndilega.
Þjófurinn stoppaði aftur, hann var farinn að verða hræddur. Hann leit í kringum sig, leit í öll horn. Í einu svörtu horninu, sá hann fugl í búri, í búrinu var páfagaukur.
Hann spurði páfagaukinn; “Varst þetta þú sem sagðir að Jesús væri að fylgjst með mér?”
“Já”, sagði páfagaugurinn.
Það létti yfir þjófinum, og spurði páfagaukinn; “Hvað heitir þú?”
“Jóhannes,” sagði hann
“Það er fáránlegt nafn yfir páfakauk!” nöldraði þjófurinn. “Hvaða hálfviti skýrði þig Jóhannes?!?”
Þá sagði páfagaukurinn; “Sami hálfviti og skýrði Rottweiller hundinn Jesús.”
——-
Maður gékk inn í afgreiðsluna á hótelinu. Honum vantaði að spyrja afgreiðslustúlkuna spurningar. Um leið og hann snýr sér að afgreiðsluborðinu, hann misstígur sig og rekst utaní konu sem var hliðiná honum, og olnboginn rekst í brjóstin á henni. Þau urðu bæði mjög hissa.
Maðurinn snýr sér að henni og segir, “Fröken, ef hjarta þitt er eins mjúkt og brjóst þín, ég veit þú munt fyrirgefa mér.”
Þá svara konan, “Ef limur þinn er eins harður og olnboginn, þá er ég í herbergi 1221.”
——-
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour.”
Bill Gates continued, “Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than 50 US.”
In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replied, “Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?”
——-
A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ‘'Does this shirt
make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?’' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the
mirror and asks her husband, ‘'Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this
one make them look smaller?’'
Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ‘'I know how to make them larger!’'
''How!?!?!?'' she asks.
''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''
''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.
''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.
''How did you know that?'' she wonders.
''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'''
——-
-If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong?
-If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
——-
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of.
Finally in a last dash effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room and starts studying. Books and papers are spread out all over the room.
His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime and day after day the mother tries to understand. Finally, little Tommy brings home his report. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books.
With great trepidation, his Mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says,
“Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?”
Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head.
“Well then,” she replies, “was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?” Little Tommy looks at her and says,
“Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.”
cya!
<font face=“arial”><a hef="http://www.dagurh.net/“>Copyright @ IRC</font></a><br><br>
<a href=”mailto:dagurh@dagurh.net"></i>Copyright</a></i>/Dagurh
Dagur
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