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Cindy Crawford, Bill Gates and Saddam Hussein were hanging out.
Cindy says: I''m da most beautiful girl in da world.
Bill Gates says: I''m da most richest dude in da world.
Saddam Hussein says: I''m da most hated man in da world.
They are all very proud of their assertions.

Cindy Crawford says: I''ve got a truth mirror in my house.
It gives u all the truthful answers. Wanna see it?
So they all go to Cindy''s house.
Cindy comes out 2 mins later . She is happy, and she says: I am right!
the mirror says I''m da most beautiful girl in da world!
5 mins later, Bill Gates comes out. He is happy, and he says: I''m right!
the mirror of truth says i''m da most richest dude in da world!
10 mins later, Saddam comes out . He is furious.
He says: WHO THE HELL IS DAVID BECKHAM!???!!!


One day, a Liverpool fan was walking along the beach and came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared. “For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes,” said the Genie. The man was ecstatic. “But there''s a catch,” the Genie continued. “What catch?” asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously. The Genie replied, “For each of your wishes, every Man utd supporter in the world will receive double what you asked for.” “Hey, I can live with that! No problem!” replied the elated man. “What is your first wish?” asked the Genie. “Well, I''ve always wanted a Ferrari!” Poof ! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. “Now, every Man utd in the world has been given two Ferraris,” said the Genie. “What is your next wish?” “I could really use a million dollars…” replied the man, and Poof! One million dollars appeared at his feet. “Now, every Man utd fan in the world is two million dollars richer,” the Genie reminded the man. “Well, that''s okay, as long as I''ve got my million,” replied the Liverpool fan. “And what is your final wish?” asked the Genie. The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I''ve always wanted to donate a kidney…”


A young woman pushing her baby in a pram across Oxford Street was suddenly terrified to see a huge Rottweiler lunging towards them snarling and gnashing its huge teeth together. She thought herself and her baby were done for, when suddenly a chap rushed over, wrestled the Rottweiler to the ground and broke its neck with his bare hands! The woman almost fainted with relief and gratitude. Another chap rushed to the scene and said to the rescuer “I''m a reporter, I saw what happened, it''s amazing, I must put it in the paper.
Wait ‘'til you read the headline - ”Arsenal fan saves mother and baby from savage Rottweiler!“… ”No, you can’'t write that“ said our hero. ”Why not?“ asked the reporter ”Because I''m not an Arsenal fan.“
”Oh, OK then, what about Chelsea fan saves mother and baby from savage Rottweiler!“… ”No, you can''t write that either“ said the chap.
”Why not?“ asked the reporter ”Because I''m not a Chelsea fan either“… ”Who do you support then?“ asked the reporter
”Manchester United“… ”Uh, right, I see. How about this then - Mank “ Bastard kills lovable family pet”…


A Liverpool fan and a Man Utd fan were sentenced to death by firing squad. The officer in charge asked the Man Utd fan if he had a last request. ‘'Yes’' replied the Man Utd Fan, ‘'I’'m a keen Man Utd Supporter, and I videoed the last game Man Utd played. Could I watch the video before I die?'' ‘'No Problem’', replied the officer, ‘'I’'ll get the men to rig up a large screen, and you can watch it from here''. Then turning to the Liverpool fan, he asked ‘'And what about you, do you have a last request?’' ‘'Yes’', he replied, ‘'Shoot me first’'.


A man desperate at Utd''s current situation decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full United kit as his last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Utd kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, “it''s to avoid embarrassing your family.”


Four surgeons are having a coffee break. 1st surgeon says “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” 2nd surgeon says “Nah, librarians are best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” 3rd surgeon says “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded.” 4th surgeon says “I prefer Man U fans. They''re gutless, spineless, heartless and their heads and a**es are interchangeable.”


Walking with his wife along by the Thames, Manchester United fan, Cockney Jim noticed a bottle floating near the jellied eel stall. He knelt down on the grass, reached in, fished out the bottle. Cockney Jim''s inquisitive wife knocked the bottle over with one of her hooves and dislodged the cork thus releasing an imprisoned spirit which floated joyously back and forth across the cut and the following conversation ensued: Genie: I am the genie and I am so pleased to be released from my bottle prison by your ugly wife that I am going to grant you one wish. Now what do you want..?
CJ: Luv''a''duck, me old sparra, me wife is such a beauty, I''d love to see her win Miss World…
Genie: F*****g Hell, mate, I''m not bleeding Jesus, look at ‘'er, she’'s only got one leg, scars on her head and she is a right ugly old tramp… You had better think of something else, mate.
.. CJ: Fair enough, she is an ugly bitch, I''ve supported the Manks ever since they started winning stuff in 1994 and I''d be over the moon if you could get ''em back where they belong, on top of the League, and make us Champions again…
Genie: Give us another look at your wife..


Hahah, ég hló geðveikt mikið af sumum þarna =D