Real 911 Calls, “BELIEVE” it or not!!
1. Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on
the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

2.Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese
sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table
and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller:! No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of
it!

3. Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven
on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

4. Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is……….

5. Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn….I
think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

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A snail was coming home from the pub one night when he was mugged by a couple of young slugs.
When the copper asked him if he got a good look at them ,he said “No,it all happened so fast”

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A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you
three wishes.”

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get times ten!” The woman said, “That's okay.”

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, “You do realise that this wish will also
make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom
women will flock to.” The woman replied, “That's okay, because I will be
the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world
and he will be ten times richer than you.”

The woman said, “That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his
is mine.”

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I'd like
a mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you.
Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers ONLY: Please scroll down.























The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story:

Women aren't as clever as they think they are!

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this it only goes to show
you never bloody listen!


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Two Middle Eastern mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over a pint of
goat's milk.

The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through
pictures and they start reminiscing.

“This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now”

“Yes, I remember him as a baby” says the other mother cheerfully.

“He's a martyr now though” mum confides.

“Oh so sad dear” says the other.

“And this is my second son Kalid. He's 21”

“Oh, I remember him,” says the other happily, “he had such curly hair when
he was born”.

“He's a martyr too ” says mum quietly.

“Oh gracious me ….” says the other.

“And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18”, she
whispers.

“Yes” says the friend enthusiastically, “I remember when he first started
school”.

“He's a martyr also,” says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second muslim mother looks wistfully at
the photographs and says… “They blow up so fast, don't they?”