Eitthvað af þessu er kannski gamalt. Þið hraunið þá bara yfir mig.

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Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry. She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to
find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6
seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE”.

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there
was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom
scale.

Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.

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A new preacher was visiting in the homes of the members. At one house, it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote, “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message: “Genesis 3:10.”
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”

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A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill. He replied, in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”

The nun asked if he had money in the bank.He replied, “No money in the bank.”

The nun asked, “Do you have a relative who could help you?”

He said, “Just a spinster sister, who is a nun.”

The nun, slightly perturbed, said, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”

The patient replied, “Then send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

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A priest, rabbi and minister all buy the identical model Cadillac. They each want their car to be the best on the block, so the minister goes out and says a blessing on his car.

Not to be outdone, the priest goes out and sprinkles holy water on his car.

Not to be outdone, the rabbi goes out and snips an inch off his car's tailpipe.