Free Counter

On a bicycle – “Removing the wheel can influence the performance of the bicycle”

(You think?)


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On a hammer– “Misuse may lead to property damage and bodily injury.”

(Oh…Hell yes!!!)


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On a toilet brush– “Do not use for personal hygiene.”

(Unless you're homeless.)


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On car sun shield– “Do not drive with shield in place.”

(Unless you've been drinking of course.)


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On aerosol cheese can– “Remove cap.”

(But I'm not wearing a cap.)


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On a fireplace log – “Caution: Risk of Fire.”

(Yep…Hope so.)


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On a Sears hairdryer – “Do not use while sleeping.”

(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)


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On a bag of Fritos – “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”

(The Shoplifter Special.)


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On a bar of Dial soap – “Directions: Use like regular soap.”

(Sound advice..I guess.)


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On some Swanson frozen dinners – “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”

(But, it's just a suggestion.)


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On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) – “Do not turn upside down.”

(Whoops! Too late now.)


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On the ipod Shuffle – “Do not eat.”

(WTF?)


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On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding – “Product will be hot after heating.”

(No shit?)


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On electric cattle prod – “For use on animals only.”

(What if I kinda like it?)


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On packaging for a Rowenta iron – “Do not iron clothes on body.”

(Well, no…not on MY body.)


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On Boot's Children Cough Medicine – “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”

(Rosie, sweetie, don't fire up the tractor because Mommy gave you medicine.)


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On Nytol Sleep Aid – “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”

(Thanks for the heads up, Einstein.)


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On most brands of Christmas lights – “For indoor and outdoor use.”

(And where else might we be stringing lights. Not tonight, honey I have a headache.)


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On a Japanese food processor – “Not to be used for the other use.”

(Japanese instructions should be in a class of their own.)


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On Sainsbury's peanuts – “Warning: contains nuts”

(Wow! I was expecting to find motor oil.)


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On an American Airlines packet of nuts – “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”

(Honey? If you're not too busy…)


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On a child's Superman costume – “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”

(You know, he gets that from your side of the family.)


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On a Swedish Chainsaw – “Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with your hands or genitals.”

(Alot of weird shit happens in Sweden.)