This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
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Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

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Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and
disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug
consumption
problem all over the world.
After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion that in
order
to better deal with the problem, that they should try the drugs
themselves and
then decide on the correct way to proceed.
It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the
Members return to earth to get the different types of drugs. The
secret
operation is effective and two days later the commissioned
disciples
begin to return to heaven.

Jesus, waiting at the door, hears a knock:
“Who is it?”
“It's Paul”
Jesus opens the door.
What did you bring Paul?“
”Hashish from Morocco“
”Very well son, come in.“
another knock …
”Who is it?“
”It's Mark“
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Mark?“
”Marijuana from Colombia“
”Very well son, come in.“
another knock …
”Who is it?“
”It's Matthew“
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Matthew ?“
”Cocaine from Bolivia“
”Very well son, come in.“
another knock …
”Who is it?“
”It's John“
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring John?“
”Crack from New York“
”Very well son, come in.“
another knock …
”Who is it?“
”It's Luke“
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Luke?“
”Speed from Amsterdam“
”Very well son, come in.“
another knock …
”Who is it?“
”It's Judas“
Jesus opens the door.
”What did you bring Judas?“
”THE DEA, M****R F*****S! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!"