Fyrsti brandarinn


Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. “Ok Les Give me the bottle opener.”

“I didn't bring it,” says Les. “I thought you packed it.”

Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, “Did you bring the bottle opener??”

Naturally Alan didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from Home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for It, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise Lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace.

Twenty days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a promise is a promise.

Another five days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a Sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from behind a rock and shouts……..

“I KNEW IT!……I'M NOT F*CKING GOING!”



Annar!


A Panda Bear walks into a café and orders a sandwich and a drink. After he is finished eating, the waiter comes over to bring him the check. When the waiter arrives at the table, he just starts to ask ‘Would you like any des…’ Then the Panda Bear reaches into his fur, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. The Panda Bear then wipes off his chin with his napkin, gets up, and starts to walk out. Just as he is about to go through the door, the manager grabs him. ‘Wait a minute!’ he yells, ‘You just killed my best waiter! Besides that, you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!'

The Panda Bear grasps the manager by the throat, jacks him up, and growls, ‘Hey man! I’m a PANDA! Do you know what that means? Why don't you look it up!'

At this the Panda walks out the door and ambles down the street. The manager, shaken, returns to his office and consults a dictionary. He reads:
'panda - a large mammal of the Asian mountain forests related to raccoons and true bears and characterized by bold black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.'

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Fyrir þá sem ekki fatta síðasta brandarann, Eats, Shoots and leaves… Borðar, skýtur og fe