A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

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# Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

# When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

# Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.