Ms. Smith stopped to reprove Johnny for making faces: “Johnny, when I was small, my mother used to tell me that if I made ugly faces, at some moment it would freeze and stay like that”. Johnny looked up at her and thoughtfully replied: “Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't forewarned.”


The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. “What's that?”, the teacher asked, puzzled. “It's a period. ”—“Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a period?”—“Darned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one… Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself.”


A Nubian crawls across Sahara and sees a magic bottle. He opened the bottle and a djinni came out. As djinn usually do, this one promised three wishes to the man who got him free. The Nubian thought for a moment and answered: “First, I want plenty of water, second, I'd like to be totally white, and third I want plenty of white women of all European nations on top of me.” The man was turned into a flush toilet in a ladies' restroom at the EU headquarters.


Hérna er önnur tegund af þessum brandara:
An African-American releases a Jewish genie from the bottle and gets only two wishes, ‘cause he’s black. He says, “Easy. First, I want to be white, uptight, and outta sight. Second, I wanna be surrounded by warm, sweet pussy.” So the genie turned him into a tampon. Moral: You can't get anything from Jews without strings attached.


Q: Why did God invent yeast infections?
A: So that women too would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt!
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
Q: Why does a man have a hole in the end of his penis?
A: To get oxygen to his brain!
Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she was a woman!
Q: How do you get your dishwasher to work?
A: Slap her!
Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: What can you say? She's already been told twice!


Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
Canadianism: You have two cows. Vous avez deux vaches.
Communism: You have two cows. Everyone owns all the cows and everyone is equal. If you happen to be in charge of everyone and their cows, you own more of the cows than everyone because you are more equal than they are.
Democracy: You have two cows. They outvote you 2-1 to ban all meat and dairy products.
Dyslexia: You have two wocs.
Capitalism: You have two cows. A big cattle company ousts you off the business. You sell your cows and work for the big business.


Q: You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer…twice.
Q: How is an apple like a lawyer?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.
Q: What is the difference between a burbot and a lawyer?
A: One is a slimy, bottom-feeding creature living in the bottom muds, and another is a fish.