ákvað að senda nokkara Brandara eftir Rodney þar sem hann var að deyja nýlega :( R.I.P

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, “I'm very sorry. We did everything we could…but he pulled through.”

My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy… for birth control.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!

I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, “Look, twins!”

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy…why are you doing that for?” He said, “Because you came home early.”

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, “Did you see the guy that did it?” She said, “No, but I got the license plate.”

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There's nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.



Nóg í bili en það er til Mikið meira með þessum snilling:)