One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, “How many grains of sand are in the beach?” Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, “How many stars are in the sky?” and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, “Here's this week's question,” Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, “ Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?”

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, “Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!”

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An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, “If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?”
One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, “None, ‘cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away.” The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.

Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, “No, there would be one – the one that the farmer shot.”

The teacher replied, “No, Johnny, you’re wrong, but I like the way you think.”

“OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you,” boasted Johnny. “Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?”

After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, “Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out the inside.”

Johnny responded, “No, teacher, you're wrong – it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think.”

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The teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Mary said, “My family went to the New Your City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word ”fascinate.“
Sally raised her hand. She said, ”My famiy went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was Fascinated.“ The teacher said, ”good, but I wanted the word “fascinate.”

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only ”fasten 8.“

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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, ”Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!“ The teacher replied, ”Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.“ Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, ”“You're an eight”“, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!”

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On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class Which part of the body went to heaven first.
One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher praises the little girl

Then a little boy raises his hand and says, ”I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love. “Very good,” said the teacher.

The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. “Oh no”,she thought, “I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?”

Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, “Your feet.” The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first. He replied, “Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, ”Oh god, I'm coming!'“

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Johnny and Susie, each five years old, decided to get married.
So Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage. ”Where will you live?“ asked Susie's dad, thinking this is cute.

”Well,“ said Johnny, ”I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us.“

”And how will you live?“ ”I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That's should be enough.“

Getting exasperated since Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie's dad asked, ”And what if little ones come along?“

”Well,“ said Johnny, ”we've been lucky so far.“

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Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that ”Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls,“ and would his mother, ”please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.“
Johnny's mother quietly took him by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closed the door.

She said, ”First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…“ Little Johnny unbuttoned her blouse and took it off.

She continued, ”Now take off my skirt…“ He removed her skirt. ”Take off my bra…“ which he did.

”And now, Johnny, please take off my panties.“ When Johnny had finished removing his mother's panties, she said, ”Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

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Enjoy!!!