hérna kemur listi yfir það hvað marr á að gera til að vera sannur karlmaður (smá karlremba þarna inní en þetta er mjög fyndið)

1. Don't call. EVER.
2. If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun
to let her figure it out by herself.
3. Lie.
4. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic
and unoriginal, such as “spike”
5. If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell
them you mailed it to them/already gave it to them.
6. Play with yourself as often as possible. Tell everyone
about it.
7. Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to
answer, a grunt will do.
8. Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter
what, it isn't your fault.
9. Lie.
10. Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women
than baths.
11. Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help
- don't ask. People will think you have no penis.
12. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
13. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone,
use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises
are permissible.
14. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit. (Big loogies means a big
penis)
15. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his
name in urine.
16. One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her
best friend. She will then see what she's missing and
love you for not giving up on her.
17. Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1.
18. Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your
girlfriend picked it out, and it will cramp your style
on picking up chicks.
19. Lie.
20. Deny everything. Everything.
21. If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about
her. Especially female friends you suspect may have a
crush on you. (Probably all of them - you're a man
remember?) They really want to know.
22. Don't have a clue.
23. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.
24. No means yes.
25. Yes means no.
26. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will
shrivel. You may get sick or even die. This is one of
the most important rules.
27. If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible
positions and locations.
28. Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak,
sex often signifies the end of a relationship.
29. Feelings? What feelings?
30. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than
you at something, either pretend it's not true or kick
their ass.
31. Lie I tell you!!
32. DO NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are
backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If
you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a
loophole for escape. Example: Question: “Honey, will you
take me out for a romantic dinner?” Answer: “Yes, if you
can guess how many sperm I produce each day.”
33. Every sentence that anyone says can be twisted to have
sexual meaning. Twist.
34. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like
various genitalia. (If, by chance, you have Play-Doh,
make sure you make a replica of your penis. Exaggerate
the dimensions by 25%).
35. Lie.
36. “Love” is not in your vocabulary. don't even think about
saying it.
37. A general rule: If whatever you're doing does not
satisfy you completely in 5 minutes, it's really not
worth it.
38. Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead until you get her
back. Diss her again. Repeat cycle.
39. Lie.
40. Apologize whenever it's expected. NEVER mean it.
41. If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't.
42. Try to have a good memory, but it's OK if you forget
trivial things. You know, like your girlfriend's b-day
and eye color.
43. Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they
can't see you.
44. It is never your duty to take responsibility for your
actions.
45. Create new words and phrases to describe genitalia, sex,
semen, etc.
46. Lie.
47. Play with your food only if you are in a public place
with people you don't know.
48. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place
with people you don't know.
49. If people express extreme disgust at whatever you are
doing, DON'T STOP! This is the desired reaction.
50. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without
virginity.
51. You are male, therefore you are superior.
52. Agenda for a typical evening: Get beer. Drink beer. Play
with yourself. Have sex. Drink more beer. Pass out.
53. Females do not care what you do to them as long as they
get to please you.
54. Don't ever notice anything.
55. If you're going out with someone but you love someone
else, don't say anything. Wait until the girl you are
going out with falls in love with YOU, and then tell
her.
56. Basic fundamental rule of dating: Quantity, not quality.
57. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality.
58. Lie.
59. If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then
technically you've done nothing wrong.
60. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what
do you have to cry about, anyway?
61. If the question begins with “why,” the answer is “I
don't know.”
62. Women are your napkins. Use them, and throw them away.
63. Remember, Every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU.
64. Don't ever let anyone say “I told you so.” If you hear
this phrase and it didn't come out of your mouth, go
ballistic.
65. If your woman makes you go shopping with her, drive
around until a parking spot right near the door opens
up. If this takes hours, so be it. You will have the
coveted “door spot” and others will worship your skills.
66. Other peoples' pain is strictly for your amusement.
Laugh long, laugh loud, laugh heartily.
67. Lie.
68. If anyone asks you for a favor- a) make a big deal about
how hard it is for you to do it, b) remind them of this
huge favor you've done for them at least every 5 minutes
for the rest of their life.
69. 69
70. If you do something really mean to a girl, and she
doesn't want to talk to you, pretend nothing happened.
If she still doesn't talk to you, casually ask, “is
something wrong?”
71. Three words: Let's be friends. Translation: I never want
to speak to you again, but it's bad for my nice-guy
image if you are mad at me, so I'll pretend I want to be
your friend.
72. Lie.
73. If you're on a date, and there is a lull in the
conversation, tell the girl how many different dorms
you've been laid in.
74. Here's a good trick. Tell a girl that you're going to
leave for a few minutes and when you come back, you want
her naked, sprawled on the bed. Leave, and go into her
dad's room and tell him he should go check on his
daughter. Then drive like hell. (True story.)
75. If a girl breaks up with you because you're in love with
someone else, she has no right to be upset. Because, you
know, SHE's the one who wanted to end the relationship.
76. The best sex position is you, lying face up… and
twenty girls on top.
77. Default facial expression: blank stare.
78. Spend your spare time thinking of excuses and shove them
up your butt. Then, whenever you need a good excuse, you
can pull it out of your ass.
79. If you are asked to do something you REALLY DON'T want
to do, first try your manly best to get out of it. If
that doesn't work, go ahead and do what you were asked
to do, but complain that you don't know how to do it and
continuously ask questions on how to do each little
part. If no one rushes in to do it for you YET, finish
the job in the most half-assed way you possibly can and
then say, “SEE?? I TOLD you I couldn't do it.”
Eventually, people will stop asking you to do things.
80. Do not listen to “***** music” such as Erasure, Color Me
Badd, or Oldies.
81. Beer. Then more beer.
82. One word: FOOTBALL!
83. Real men beat up others who are inferior. I mean, we
don't want the inferior of the species to get to
reproduce ever, do we???
84. Discuss your pecs at every opportunity.
85. LIE.<br><br>————————————————–
thank YOU for YOUR time

p´z out