Kids Say The Cutest Things


A little boy and his mother were waiting in line at the supermarket and in front of them was a huge, fat woman. Suddenly the fat lady's pager went off. “Mom, look out! she's backing up!”

I'm Going To Be A Builder When I Grow Up
Did you hear about little Jimmy? He is four years old.

He was bugging Mother so she said, “Jimmy, why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work. Maybe you'll learn something.”

Jimmy was gone about 2 hours. When he came home his Mother asked him what he learned.

Jimmy replied, “Well, first you put the God damn door up, then the son of a bitch doesn't fit, so you have to take the cock sucker back down. Then you have to take a cunt hair off each side and put theMother fucker back up.”

Jimmy's Mother said, “you wait till your Dad comes home.” WhenJimmy's dad got home, mom told him to ask Jimmy what he learned across the street. Jimmy told his dad the whole story. Dad said, “Jimmy, you go outside and get the switch.”

Jimmy replied, “Fuck you, that's the Electrician's job.”

Little Tommy's Dead Frog
One day, little Tommy wanders into the local brothel, dragging a dead frog on a piece of string along behind him (FX: thud thud thud etc.) He goes up to the woman at the front and says “Please, Miss, I'd like a girl please.” “Go home, sonny” replies the proprietor, not unkindly, “you're too young yet for this.”

Tommy reaches into his pocket and drags out a £50 note which he slaps on the desk and beams brightly. “Up the stairs, third door on the right” comes the reply as the £50 vanishes.

Tommy starts to climb the stairs, (Thud thud etc.) when he runs back again. “I forgot, this girl has got to have active herpes!” he cries.“No way kid, all our girls are clean!” Tommy reaches into the other pocket and another £50 appears. “Ah, last door on the left…” he is told.

Tommy climbs the stairs, still dragging the dead frog on the string(thud thud thud), and some time later reappears. He waves to the woman at the front desk and is about to go out (avec frog) when she calls him back.

“I can understand curiosity at your age,” she says, “but why the active herpes?”

“Well,” says Tommy, “when I go home, the baby sitter will be there. I'll screw her before she goes home and she'll get the herpes. Later on, dad'll take her home and have her in the back of the Mercedes, and he'll get the herpes. Later on, he'll get back and jump on mummy and she will get the herpes too. In the morning, daddy'll go to work, the milkman will come and get in bed with mummy and he'll get the herpes andHE'S THE BASTARD WHO RAN OVER MY FROG!”

Old Enough To Start Cussing
Two brothers were getting dressed for school. The older one says,“I think I'm old enough to start cussing.”

Younger one, “Me too. Whatcha gonna say?”

Older boy,“Dad says ‘damn’ a lot, so that's what I'll say.”

Younger boy, “I'm gonna say ‘betchyer ass’,Dad says that all the time.

They go down for breakfast, sit at the table. Mom comes in, says to the older one,”What would you like for breakfast dear?“

He replies, ”Gimme a damn bowl of Fruit Loops.“

Mom knocks older son off his chair, turns to younger one,”And what would YOU like for breakfast?“

Younger son, ”Betcher ass I don't want Fruit Loops!“

Subject of Spelling
In a train carriage one day were two small boys and a middle aged woman reading a book. The two small boys were having a deep heated discussion on the subject of spelling.

”Its spelt ‘ W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-B-B-B-B ’“

”No its not. It's spelt ‘ W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-B-B-B’“

The lady leans over and says ”Excuse me, but I think you'll find its spelt'W-O-M-B'“

First little boy replies ” Nah, I bet you've never even seen a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart underwater !“

Trick or Treat
There were these two children of color trying to decide what to get dressed as to go trick-or-treating for Halloween. Finally the oldest one,Robert, turned to his sister Francine and said, ”I know, we'll go as Hansel and Gretel.“
Well, they dressed up as Hansel and Gretel on Halloween night and off they went to ring doorbells all over the neighborhood. They came to a house on the end of their block and Robert rang the doorbell.

”Trick or Treat,“ Robert and Francine yelled in unison.

The old man at the door peered down at them and said. ”And who are you?“

”Why, we're Hansel and Gretel,“ Robert said.

The man shook his head.”You can't be Hansel and Gretel. Hansel and Gretel were white.“ And then he slammed the door on their faces.

Well Robert and Francine went back to their house and Robert thought furiously. ”I know,“ he said. ”You can go as Little Bo Peep and I'll go asLittle Boy Blue.“

So they changed quickly into their new costumes and headed back out the door. A few minutes later, they found themselves at the same house as earlier.

”Trick or Treat,“ Robert and Francine yelled again as the door opened.

Once again the man stared down at them and said, ”Who might you be.“ ”Why we're Little Bo Peep and Little Boy Blue,“ Robert said. The man shook his head and said. ”You can't be Little Bo Peep and LittleBoy Blue. They were white.“ And he slammed the door on their faces.

Robert and Francine walked back to the house, their candy bags empty. But Robert got an idea and quickly slipped out of his costume. Then he helpedFrancine out of hers.

When the knock came at the door, the old man grabbed his basket of candy and opened the door. Much to his surprise, there were two naked black children standing on his porch.

”Well, what do we have here,“ he asked.

”Two M&Ms,“ Robert said. ”One with nuts and one without.“

Clairvoyant Little Boy
There was once a clairvoyant little boy, who could foresee the future.One night while saying his prayers, the little boy was heard to finish,”God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, goodbye Grandpa.“The next day his grandfather dropped dead of a heart attack.
A few weeks later, the little boy was praying, ”God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma.“ The next day his poor grandmother was hit by a bus while crossing the street – she never felt a thing.

A month or so later, the little boy was praying and said, ”God blessMommy, goodbye Daddy.“

His father panicked. He had himself driven, very carefully and slowly, to work, by an armed guard in an armored security truck he hired. He couldn't concentrate, however, thinking about those words,”Goodbye Daddy.“ He finally came home early, but very carefully.

He was met at the front door by his wife, who said, ”What do you think happened today, dear? The most awful thing – the milkman dropped dead on the back porch."