A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving range. The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards.
The golf pro says, “Not bad, Now hold your club as firmly as you hold your wife's breast.” The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says “Excellent!”
Now the woman takes her turn. She hits the ball 30 yards. Golf pro: “Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your husband's dick.” She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
Golf pro: “Not bad, now try taking the club out of your mouth.”

—–

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude took to the stage, he announced, “Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.” The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, “Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch….”
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth,light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
“Shit” said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theater.

—–

A truck was traveling through town. When the driver stopped at a red light, A blonde jumped out of her car, ran up to the driver of the truck, and said, “Mr. your losing part of your load”.
She jumps back into her car and follows the truck to the next light. She jumps out of car and runs up to the driver's window, “Mr. your losing part of your load.”
The same thing happens for 7 stops, finally the 8th stop, the blonde came running up to the truck driver's window, before she could say anything, the driver said, "MAM, THIS IS WINTER IN MAINE, I'M DRIVING A SALT TRUCK…….

—

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them. The second not finding anything either, thought “I’m not getting rid of my panties…” so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: “We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties….”
The other one responded: “You’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that read, “We will never forget you.”