Two dogs were sitting in a vet's office. The bigger of the dogs gruffs, “Whatcha doing here?”

The little dog responds, “I'm getting ‘fixed’. Whenever I see my master I get so horney I just jump on her leg and start pumping. It's very embarrassing.”

The first dog says, “Yeah, I know what you mean. One morning my master had just gotten out of the shower, and was sitting on the side of the bed. She leaned down to pick up her clothes from the floor, and I couldn't resist it… I jumped up and starting taking it from the rear!”

The second dog exclaimed, “Wow! So you're here to be fixed too?”

“Hell no, I'm getting de-clawed.”



A guy walks into a bar with a frog. He sits next to this real attractive lady, places the frog up on the counter, and orders a drink.The lady says “that's a disgusting looking frog you got there.” The guys says, “Yeah well lemmie tell ya something… this here frog is THE BESTdamn pussy eater you ever seen.” The lady is outrages and says so then promptly gets up and moves across the bar. A few hours pass…. The lady has had more then her share, and starts thinking about the frog…

So she staggers back up to the guy and says, “OK prove it!”. They run get a hotel room.. the lady gets nude and is lying on the bed with legs spread open wide. The guy takes the frog and puts it in position,then commands, “go homer!”…. the frog lays there…. he commands again… “GO HOMER” the frog still does nothing…. he picks up the frog and tosses into the corner and says, “If I've shown ya once … I've shown ya 1000 times .. now watch how its done!”