WHY VIBRATORS ARE BETTER THAN THE REAL THING
>
>1. Vibrators don't have problems with gas … Nor do they hog the remote.
>(At least we know how to use the damned thing)
>
>2. … Nor the computer!
>(Like you know how to even turn it on) - We can get a bigger one or one that
>has better options whenever we want without being called a slut.)
>
>3. Vibrators never go limp and rubbery, you simply replace the batteries
>when it tires.
>(Yeah right…
>- “Honey could you go to the pharmacy to get me some new batteries?”
>- “What kind?”
>- “The round kind”
>- “I mean what size?”
>- “BIG HUGE ONES”
>- “What letter?…you know the type of battery it is?”
>- “Oh, now I know what you mean. How am I supposed to know.”
>- “Well take the old ones out and look at them.”
>- “Ewwww, how do I do that?”
>- “Just give it to me, what is it that you need new ones for?”
>- “Er, ummm. Nevermind. Honey can I have $45, I'll just buy a new one.”)
>
>4. Position is your choice, not his.
>(Like we ever have a choice. Are you going to tell it what it is doing wrong
>as well?)
>
>5. You don't have to suck it
>(Puleeeeze. When have you ever done what you have to do? The last blow job I
>remember was 10 minutes before I proposed)
>
>6. It works “while” the sports games are on.
>(So do we…Just kneel and pray)
>
>7. It always is hard.
>(So are we…Just kneel and pray)
>
>8. It doesn't leave a mess behind.
>(Nor would we…just kneel and we pray that you will swallow)
>
>9. You don't have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.
>(Try anything other than that beauty mud mask and flannel PJs and you will
>still excite us)
>
>10. It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs.
>(Unless you sit on it or lose it inside)
>
>11. It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.
>(point your side…It is still 10 -1 us)
>
>12. You don't have to cook it breakfast and pretend to be interested in it
>the next morning.
>(When was the last time you made anything other than reservations?)
>
>13. They don't get tired after the first time.
>(You ever think we are not tired…just bored?)
>
>14. They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in the
>mood.
>(Just like a woman…Never satisfied. Seven lines ago you were complaining
>that we were not hard often enough)
>
>15. You don't have to tell the vibrator he's the best you ever had!
>(You mean a compliment CAN come out of those lips?)
>
>16. Vibrators don't prematurely ejaculate.(14 - 2)
>
>17. Safe sex without a rubber
>(Not if you use the new high voltage batteries)
>
>18. Vibrators don't ask who your Daddy is.
>(If you would stop wanting to watch the Simpsons during sex, you would stop
>confusing what we say with your imaginary friend)
>
>19. Vibrators last as long as YOU want them to last.
>(16 - 3)
>
>20. You don't have to put up with the shit, just turn it off when you get
>done with it !
>(Don't go down that road)
>
>21. Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime anywhere you want!!
>(That's what we keep telling you. So do we!)
>
>22. They never ask how they were.
>(They are the smart ones)
>
>23. You don't have to stroke its ego.
>(Basically what you are telling me is that you are sexually lazy?)
>
>24. It doesn't leave a wet spot.
>(We are not the one who drips it on the sheets. And when was the last time
>that you did not roll over onto my side to perform this lovely ritual?)
>
>25. It doesn't require “a little lip action” to get hard
>(If it did, then I would be paying even more for your dental work, huh?)
>
>26. It has no problem finding the “g spot.”
>(See? Practice DOES make perfect)