<b>–=Góð enskukunnátta nauðsynleg=–</b>

A man and his wife were having some problems
at home and were giving each other the silent
treatment. The next week, the man realized that
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM
for an early morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence
(AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover
it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper
by the bed.
The paper said, ”It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.“


There's a fellow who is an avid golfer. Actually
he's a golf fanatic. Every Saturday morning he
has an early tee time. He gets up very early and
golfs all day long.
Well, this one Saturday morning, he gets up early,
dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet,
and goes out to his car to drive to the course. It
is raining a torrential downpour. There is snow
mixed with the rain and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV
to the weather channel. From there he finds that
it's supposed to be bad weather all day long. So
he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly
undresses and slips back into bed where he
cuddles up to his wife's back, and whispers,
”The weather out there is terrible.“
She replies, ”I know. And can you believe my
stupid husband is actually out there golfing?“


After getting all Pope John-Paul II's luggage loaded
in the limo (and His Holiness doesn't travel light), the
driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the
curb. ”Excuse me, Your Eminence.“ says the driver,
”Would you please take your seat so we can leave?“
”Well, to tell you the truth,“ says the Pope, ”They
never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like
to drive today.“
”I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!
And what if something should happen?“ protests the
driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
”There might be something extra in it for you,“ says
the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope
climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets
his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme
Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
”Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!,“ pleads the worried
driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until
they hear sirens. ”Oh, my God, I'm gonna lose my license,“
moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down
the window as the patrolman approaches, but the cop
takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle,
and gets on the radio. ”I need to talk to the Chief,“ he
says to the dispatch. The Chief gets on the radio and
the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a
hundred and five.
”So bust him,“ said the Chief.
”I think the guy's a big shot,“ said the cop.
”All the more reason.“
”No, I mean really a big shot,“ said the cop.
”What'd ya got there, the Mayor?“
”Bigger.“
”Governor.“
”Bigger.“
”Well,“ said the Chief, ”Who is it?“
”I don't know“, said the cop, ”but he's got the Pope
driving for him.“


Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle
Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,
an angel tells Davidson, ”Well, you've been such a
good guy and your motorcycles have changed the
world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone
you want to in Heaven.“
Davidson thinks about it and says, ”I wanna hang
out with God, Himself.“
The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to
the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur
then asks God, ”Hey, aren't you the inventor of
Woman?“ God says, ”Ah, yes.“
”Well,“ says Davidson, ”You have some major design
flaws in yourinvention:
1. There's too much front end protrusion.
2. It chatters at high speeds.
3. The rear end wobbles too much, and
4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.“
”Hmmm…“ replies God, ”hold on.“ God goes to the
Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes,
and waits for the result. The computer prints out
a slip of paper and God reads it.
”It may be that my invention is flawed,“ God replies
to Arthur Davidson, ”but according to My Computer,
more people are riding my invention than yours!"