Hér eru nokkrir brandarar sem ég mér barst í vikunni og ég held að þér hafi ekki komið hér fyrir áður…

Brandarar um Little Johnny..

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car pass the playground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a “Passionate Embrace”. Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly,
“MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND….”
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little Johnny tells her.
“I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy….”
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said,
“Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.”

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and
“….then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A teacher asks her class,
“If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”
She calls on little Johnny. He replies,
“None, they all fly away with the first gun shot”
The teacher replies
“The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking,”
then Little Johnny says
“I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?”
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied “Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone” To which Little Johnny replied,
“The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, ………but I like your thinking.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
”Why?“ asks the father.
”The teacher asked ‘How much is 2x3?’ I said ‘6’“
”But that's right!“
”Then she asked me ‘How much is 3x2?’“
”What's the fucking difference?“ asks the father.
”That's what I said!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says,
“Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”
Little Johnny waves his hand, “Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!”
Miss Rogers:“All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?”
Little Johnny says, “Mas-tur-bate.”
Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.”
Little Johnny says, “No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob”.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in “The Act”. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims “Oh, boy! Horsey ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?”
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.
Johnny cries out “Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!”

++++++++++++++++++++++

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,
Mommy, can little girls have babies?“
”No,“ said his mom, ”of course not.“
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, ”It's okay, we can play that game again!“

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out,”Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!“
The teacher replied,”Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is'urinate.' Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.“
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, ”You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!“

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ”beautiful“ in
the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
”My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and
she looked beautiful in it.“ ”Very good, Suzie,“
replied the teacher.
She then called on Little Michael.
”My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,“ he said. ”Excellent, Michael!“
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
”Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, “Beautiful,……just fucking beautiful!”"