An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a
sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar
home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next
day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's
office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and
empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

“Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my
right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
hand, then her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then
with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she
tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and
she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but
still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied,“Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open.”