A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”

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Little Johnny told his teacher he’d found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive.
“Dead,” she was informed.
“How do you know?”, she asked.
“Because I pissed in his ear and he didn’t move,” said the child innocently.
“You did WHAT?!?”, cried the teacher in surprise.
“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘pssssst’ in his ear and he didn’t move”

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Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall when a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over to the other and said, “Cripes! life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!”
“You're on!” said the other old fellow, holding up five dollars.
As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall, followed by loud applause.
The streaker burst out through the front door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
“Wow, what happened?” asked his friend.
“It was great!” he said, “I won first prize for The Best Dried Arrangement!”

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It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, “Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said ”Give me Liberty, or Give me Death?“ She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. ”Patrick Henry, 1775.“ he said.
”Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’“? Again, no response except from Suzuki: ”Abraham Lincoln, 1863.“
The teacher snapped at the class, ”Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.“ She heard a loud whisper: ”Screw the Japanese.“
”Who said that?“ she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. ”Lee Iacocca, 1982.“
At that point, a student in the back said, ”I'm gonna puke.“ The teacher glares and asks ”All right! Now, who said that?“ Again, Suzuki says, ”George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.“
Now furious, another student yells, ”Oh yeah? Suck this!“ Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, ”Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!“
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, ”You little shit. If you ever say anything else I will have you killed.“ Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, ”Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.“

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A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, ”Supersex! Supersex!”
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she again said, “Supersex!”
The old man sat silently for a moment or two looking up at her. Finally he answered, “I’ll take the soup.”