WORDS TO LIVE BY………… MEN OF THE WORLD FIGHT BACK:

For Women..

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

2. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

3. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse
to answer.

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!

5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear. (Really, really listen to this one)

6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

7. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

8. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of
it that way.

10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.

11. You have enough clothes.

12. You have too many shoes.

13. Crying is blackmail.

14. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints
don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just
say it!

15. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on the calendar.

16. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss
sometimes.

17. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?

18. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

19. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

20. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

21. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce
Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're
saying anyway…)

22. Check your oil.

23. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

24. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

25. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

26. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

27. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

28. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do
something but not both.

29.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

30. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

31. If it itches, it will be scratched.

32. If we ask what's wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like
nothing's wrong. Simple enough, right?