Einu sinni var Lögmaður hann var góður lögmaður og var búinn að efnast vel. Einu sinni kom hann akandi í
nýj Ferrarinum sínum. En um leið og hann opnaði hurðina kom skyndilega annar bíll á 80km/klst og þaut á
hurðina sem var opin. Hurðin rifnaði auðvitað af og þeyttist eitthvað í burtu. Lögmaðurinn varð vitaskuld æfur
og öskraði og blótaði hinum bílstjóranum í sand og ösku og hótaði málaferli. En lögreglumaður sam stóð
þarna hjá var sallarólegur og sagði bara: " þið lögmenn eruð allir eins hugsið bara um veraldlega hluti þú
tókst víst ekki eftir að það vantar á þig annan handlegginn. en þá öskraði lögmaðurinn RÓLEX ÚRIÐ MITT



Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Bumper Stickers 1
1. Constipated People Don’t Give A Shit.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
3. If You Drink Don’t Park, Accidents Cause people.
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
5. If You Don’t Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.
10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
11. If At First You Don’t Succeed… Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
12. Impotence: Nature’s Way Of Saying “No Hard Feelings”.
13. If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.
14. Horn Broken … Watch For Finger.
15. It’s Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
16. If You’re Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
17. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home
19. I Have The Body Of A God … Buddha
20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me


An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has far too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He Bugs Gore
Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room
Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil’s Agent
Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots
Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in Em
Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity
Mother-in-law: When you rearrange the letters: Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms: Wen you rearrange the letters: Alas No More Z’s
A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I’m a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes: When you rearrange the letters: That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one
President Clinton of the USA: It can be rearranged into: To Copulate he finds Interns

(o)(o) Perfect breasts
(+)(+) Fake silicone breasts
( * )( * ) Perky breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{O}{O} D cups
(oYo) Wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced breasts
(p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma’s breasts
( - )( - ) Against the shower door breasts
o | | o | Android breasts
( $ )( $ ) Martha Stewart’s breasts

Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby was a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old collage roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband . If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral on him and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep never giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

On a Sear’s hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.”
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.”
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.”
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands”