Eitthvað af þessu gæti farið fyrir brjóstið á einhverjum,lítið á þetta sem viðvörun. “Eigi veldur sá er varar” eins og stendur skrifað.

Njótið!


**

What kind of bees make milk?
BOO-BEES!

**

Ya know,“ said the Scotsman, ”I prefer the pubs back home. In
Glasgow there's a wonderful little bar called McTavish's. The
landlord there goes out of his way for the locals, so much so that
when you buy 4 drinks he'll buy the 5th drink for you.“

The Englishman then says, ”At my local, the Red Lion, the barman
there will buy your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2.“

”Ahhhhh, that's nothing laddies“, said the Irishman. ”Back home
in me own Dublin, there's Ryan's Bar. The moment you set foot in
the place they'll buy you a drink, then another. They buy all the
drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks they'll take
you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all on the house.“

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn his claims, but the
Irishman swears every word is true.

The Englishman finally says, ”Did this actually happen to yo u?“

”Well, not to meself personally,“ said the Irishman, ”but it did
happen to me sister.“

**

Q: What's 11 + 46 + 14?
A: A threesome with Michael Jackson.

Q: What do you call a little mexican?
A: A paragraph, because he's not quite an essay.

Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.

Q: Why is the world like a bag of jelly beans?
A: Because no one really likes the black ones.

Q: How do you get all the Ethiopians into a Phone Booth?
A: Throw in a can of beans

Q: How do you get them all back out again?
A: Run past them with the can opener!

Q: What's black up close and white far away?
A: A cotton field.

Q: What was the last thing that went through Kurt Cobain's mind when he shot himself?
A: The roof of his mouth.

Q: Whats red and blue and doesn't like sex very much?
A: A rape victim.

Q: How do you make a black guy wear a condom?
A: Put a Nike logo on it.

**

Q: How do you kill 1000 Mexicans?
A: Blow up their van.

Q: Why can't an Asian couple have a caucasian baby?
A: Two wongs don't make a white.

Q: Whats black, white, red and cant turn in a phone booth?
A: A nun with a spear thru her head.

Q: How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
A: Give the bitch a shovel.

Q: What is the leading cause of pedophilia?
A: Sexy children.

Q. What do you call a black guy with a stutter?
A. Cocoon.

Q. Why do black people have flat noses?
A. That's where god put his foot before he ripped off their tail.

Q: How come black people and Mexicans don't have babies together?
A: They're afraid they'll be to lazy to steal.

Q: What is the cure for homosexuals?
A: Aids.

Q: What do 9 out of 10 people consider to be a good time?
A: Gang rape.

Q: What do Ethiopians do at night?
A: Starve.

**

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido . ‘What about trying Viagra?’
asks the doctor . ‘Not a chance,’ she said . ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ’Irish Viagra.'
It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!
''Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, ‘Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?''
'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'

**

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the ”T“ shirt that she normally slept in.
As he walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, ”You've got to make love to me this very moment.“
His eyes lit up and he thought, ”I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.“
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, ”Thanks,“ and returned to the stove, her ”T“ shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, he asked, ”What was that all about?“
She explained, ”The egg timer's broken."

**

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.’
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. ‘I’m so tired of chardonnay

**

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sheer nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’
So he tied her up and went golfing.

**

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, ‘Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!’
The husband said, ‘Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’
'Doesn't matter,' she said. ‘Just get out.’

**

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’
'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, ‘I know the guy.’

**