A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down.

His friend says, “My feet are cold. Would you get me my sneakers for me?”

The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.

He says, “Hi, girls. Your daddy sent me up here to fuck you.”

The first daughter says, “That's not true.”

He says, “I'll prove it.”

He yells down the stairs, “Both of them?”

His friend yells back, “Of course, both of them.”



This guy is really horny, but all he has is two dollars. He goes to the nearest whore house and says to the man working there,

“Look, I`m really horny, but all I have is two dollars. What can I get?”

“Well, the cheapest we have is one hundred dollars. But I`ll cut you a deal on two conditions. For two dollars, I`ll let you go down two doors on the right, but you have to wear a black condom, and leave the lights out!”

The horny man agrees and goes two doors down on the right with the black condom on and the lights out. A while later he comes back out and says to the man working there, “Man, that was the best sex I`ve ever had, but why did I have to wear the black condom?”

“Well, you gotta show some respect for the dead!”



There was this sick guy, he used to come back from parties on Sunday morning early and wank as he watched this really cute crippled girl in the special school opposite from his bedroom window.

Well one day his hormones got the better of him and he dicided to get well coked up and with an excellent bullshit story that he cooked up with his twisted mates, he strolled on over to the director's office.

“Excuse me Sir,” he said “I've noticed that pretty young blonde girl in the wheelchair so often and it seems that no-one ever comes to visit her.”

“Well son,” he kindly replied “unfortunately both her parents were killed in the same accident that put he here in the first place, and with no other living relatives, the poor girl has no-one”

Shit the bed, he thinks and goes for the strike…“well I was wondering if it would be possible to take her out for the day?”

The director agrees instantly and he arranges to pick her up the next day. When the time comes he drives over and sticks the wheel chair in the boot and heads out for the country side. After a while he pulls up in a little lay-by in the middle of nowhere and cuts to the chase.

“Have you ever been kissed?” he asks her.

“No” she replies “I was only 13 when I was crippled.”

She soon agrees to being kissed as this seems quite exciting to her.

“Have you ever been touched between the legs?” he asks slyly.

“Well…er..no” she replies slightly worried, but she soon agrees as she really wants to keep her new friend.

“Have you ever been fucked?” he asked soon after.

“ummmm…er……no” she replies knowing nothing else to say.

He gets out of the car, carries her into her wheel chair and pushes her down into a near by field where he undresses her and lies her spread eagled on the grass.

He stands up, throws her wheelchair into the river and as he walks off to his car he shouts back… “Well you're fucked now!”



A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home, and they start getting it on. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out.

He says, “Hey, are you pregnant?”

She says, “That wasn't a nipple, that was a boil.”



A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, andw hen the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair.

“Sally,” she said, “you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding.”

“I didn't mom,” Sally replied. “I was giving a blowjob to a chinese guy and he threw up on me.”