RAMBLINGS:
1. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

2. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘GUESS’ on it. I said, Thyroid problem?“

3. Sign In Oriental Pet Store: ”Buy one dog, get one flea…“

4. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.

5. I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as
well keep the first.

6. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.

7. Travel is very educational. I can now say ”Kaopectate“ in seven
different languages.

8. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

9. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

10. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

11. I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point
involved.

12. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

13. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: ”Don't pick that up. You don't know where it's been. "