“I'm going fishing.”
Really means: “I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“It's a guy thing.”
Really means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“Can I help with dinner?”
Really means: “Why isn't it already on the table?”

“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means: “I have no idea how it works.

”We're going to be late.“
Really means: ”Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.“

”I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind.“
Really means: ”I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra.“

”Take a break, honey, you're working too hard.“
Really means: ”I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.“

”That's interesting, dear.“
Really means: ”Are you still talking?“

It's a really good movie.”
Really means: “It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women.”

“That's women's work.”
Really means: “It's difficult, dirty, and thankless.”

“You know how bad my memory is.” Really means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.”
Really means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal.”
Really means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.”

“Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing.”
Really means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

“I can't find it.”
Really means: “It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.”

“What did I do this time?”
Really means: “What did you catch me at?”

“I heard you.”
Really means: “I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“You know I could never love anyone else.”
Really means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“You look terrific.”
Really means: “Oh, dear, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.”

“I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are.”
Really means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

“We share the housework.”
Really means: “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”