1. You know…I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

2. That was fun! When will all of your friends be over to watch porno's again?

3. The new girl in my office is a stripper…I invited her over for dinner on Friday.

4. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal, they'll still cover.

5. Bar food again?? Kick ass!!

6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

7. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool! I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

8. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends…tell me more.

9. I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one! What a wonderful Valentines Day!

10. Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

11. It's only the third quarter. You should order a couple more pitchers.

12. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!

13. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.

14. Damn! I love it when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch.

15. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya big silly!

16. You are so much smarter than my father.

17. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch SportsCenter.

18.If I could only put on another ten pounds, especially on my hips.

19.I'm tired of cuddling.