MARRIAGE


Smart man + smart woman = romance


Smart man + dumb woman = affair


Dumb man + smart woman = marriage


Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy



OFFICE ARITHMETIC


Smart boss + smart employee = profit


Smart boss + dumb employee = production


Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion


Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.


A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.


A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him
a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.


LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.


MEMORY


Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.


APPEARANCE


Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.


Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any argument.


Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


COMPREHENSION


There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman


- before marriage and after marriage.


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:


Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, “You're next.”


They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.