David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank, “I'd like to donate some
sperm” he says to the receptionist. “Certainly Sir” replies the receptionist, “have you donated before?”.“Yes” replies Beckham “you should have my details on your computer”.“Oh yes, I've found your details” says the receptionist “but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?”“Why do I need help?” asks Beckham. The receptionist
replies “Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker….”

_______________________


Snow White, Arnold Swcharzenegger and Saddam Hussein are having a
conversation… Snow White says ‘I am the most beautiful woman in the
world, but how do I know?’ Arnie says ‘I am the hunkiest man in the world
but how do I know?’, Saddam says ‘I am the most despised person in the
world but how do I know?’ ‘I know’ says Snow White ‘let’s ask the Wise
Man'. So off they go….Snow White comes out of the wise man's house and
says ‘Yes it’s true, I am the most beautiful woman in the world'. Arnie
comes out and says ‘Yes it’s true I am the hunkiest man in the world'.
Saddam comes out and says “Who the f*** is David Beckham?'


_____________________



David Beckham is staggering about, drunk as a lord with a key in his hand.
”What's going on'ere then?“ Says a passing policeman.
”They stole me bloody car!“ shouts Beckham.
”Where did you last see it?“ asks the copper.
”On the end of this key!“ David Wails.
The policeman looks him over and says, ”Are you aware, sir, that your
penis is hanging out of your trousers?“
”Holy shit!“ screams Beckham; ”They got Posh as well!“

_____________________________


Alex Ferguson is on his way to training one morning and, as usual, stops by
David beckham's house to give him a lift. He knocks at the door, only for it
to be answered by a pale and drawn looking Beckham.
”Och, David. Your no looking too good this morning“
”For sure, Mr Ferguson, I am under the weather“
”Ah no worries, you can have the day off today. Is there anythin' I can get
youse?“
David asks Alex for some groceries and off Fergie goes to the cliff. On his
way home he stops off at Tescos and who should he bump into but Gerard
Houllier.
”A-ha, monsoir Ferguson. What are you doing ‘ere?“ asks the Liverpool boss.
”I’ve just got these here carrots for David beckham“
”Ah, monsoir Ferguson. You are indeed an exceptional businessman!“


___________________________


David Beckham has gone crazy believing his wife Posh has been having an
affair on him. In his rage, he goes out and buys a gun. He rushes home to
confront his wife, and finds her in bed with none other than Roy Keene.
Devistated, Beckham takes out the gun and points it at his own head. ”No,
David don't do it.“ Posh cries jumping up from her spot underneathe the
covers. ”I'm sorry and I know we can work this out.“
”Shut up and sit back.“ Beckham replies. ”You're next.“

________________________________



A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is a total write off and
covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend,
”What's happened to your car?“
”Well,“ the friend responses, ”I ran over David Beckham“.
”OK,“ says the man, ”that explains the blood… But what about the leaves,
the grass, the branches and the dirt?“
”Well, he tried to escape through the park.“

__________________________________



David Beckham and Posh Spice are returning from New York and get into a taxi at Heathrow. The taxi driver tries to make conversation.

Taxi driver ”So where have you been then?“
DB ”New York“
Taxi Driver ” And what did you do there?“
DB ”Shopping“
Taxi driver ”What else did you do there?“
DB ”Oh, we went for a fabulous meal“
Taxi driver ”Thats nice, which restaurant did you go to?“
DB ”I can't remember - say the names of some London stations“
Taxi driver ”Waterloo?“
DB ”No“
Taxi Driver ”Kings Cross?“
DB ”No“
Taxi Driver ”Victoria?“
DB ”Thats it - now then Victoria what was the name of that restaurant we
went to?"