1. How can you tell if you are having a super orgasm?

Your husband wakes up…..



2. What´s a man´s view of safe sex?

A padded headboard…



3. Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator cannot mow the lawn



4. How can you tell if a man is dead?

He stays stiff for more than 2 minutes…



5. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

So they wouldn´t hump women´s leg at cocktail parties…



6. How do you brainwash a man?

Give him an enema…



7. Why are men like laxatives?

They both irritate the shit out of you…



8. What´s a man´s 3 favorite words to say to his woman?

While you´re up…



9. Did you know there is a method of male birth control?

It´s called his personality…



10. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One - they will screw anything…



11. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

because they don´t have any balls to scratch…



12. What´s a man´s idea of foreplay?

A half hour of begging…



13. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?

He is breathing…



14. What´s the difference between men and government bonds?

Bonds mature…



15. How do you save a man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head…



16. How can you tell if a man is happy?

WHO CARES!!!!!



17. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

We dont know - it never happens!!!!



18. How are men and parking spaces alike?

The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are all

handicapped



19. Why do men have holes in the end of their penis?

So they can get oxygen to their brains…